From Where I Stand

Winds of Change

2006-11-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

The Democrats are in charge of most things, but I'm not sure we'll see a lot of change. The theocrat tends to cross party lines, and one newly-elected Dem who was once a pro-footballer, is anti-abortion, won't work on Sundays so he can go to church, and doesn't drink coffee or tea. Hmm. Once upon a time, Republicans were the liberal ones, and Democrats the conservatives. I'll just wait to see. We already have a fairly conservative Supreme Court in place, so it's not like we're in for radical change. Roe v. Wade is probably the next hot bed since gay marriage is starting to become a nonissue. And the war du jour has managed to piss people off just enough that they want to see something different happen. Like I said, I'll just wait and see.

And, the world, not just the journalism world, has lost a gem. Ed Bradley lost his battle with leukemia. I'll miss his cool, yet deeply involved approach to reporting, not to mention the beautiful gray hair and beard, and yes, the earring. He will be missed.

Saturday is my 6th wedding anniversary. I have no idea how Telios and I will celebrate, but we plan to hit the Chocolate Show. If you love chocolate and live near one of the cities featuring the show, check it out.

See y'all soon.

Friday, Just Friday

2006-11-03T14:30:00.000-05:00

The Marriage Thing
Okay, I'm trying not to talk about it anymore, but I can't make any promises. It does smack of separate but equal (whassup Nuggster?), and I understand the awkwardness of saying "I'm unioned" and I suppose I was a little terse about it. I suppose I just felt some progress had been made, but we have a long way to go. Especially when...

It May Not Be a Duck, But It's Quacking
I love the Lord, for He heard my cry and pitied every groan. And I know that He did hear my cry and pitied every groan, even though each cry and groan came from my lesbian mouth. How, how, how, can you call yourself a child of God, a shepherd of God's flock, and live a lie day in and day out? I'm not casting judgement on prostitution, either from the buyer or seller side, but there are few prostitutes who are spiritually and emotionally evolved enough to feel okay about selling sex, and few consumers of sex for sale who are spiritually and emotionally evolved enough to feel okay about buying it. Most sellers are selling because they feel they don't have any other money-making skills (I said most) and most buyers are buying because they feel they don't have any sex-attracting skills, including self-esteem that says they're worthy of a sexual connection with another human being. And it is realy sad when someone who, as part of their calling (that thing you're driven to do whether or not money is involved), counsels people on self-esteem and self-worth, feels so poorly about themselves that they regularly pay for company and sex. Loneliness is an awful thing, and self-hate is worse.

I'm not saying that Ted Haggard, who stepped down from his position as pastor of a 14,000-member Colorado Springs church this week, is gay, or that allegations of regular meth-fueled sex trysts with a local man who said he advertised his services as an escort, are true, but I have a few could-it-be-a-duck questions:

1. If he bought crystal meth because he was curious, what was he curious about? Was he planning to ingest it and see what happens? Use it and go about his daily life? What had he heard about it to make him want to buy it? I've heard of it, even know people who've used it and know why they did, and can safely say I have no desire whatsoever to buy it or try it.

2. Why did he step down as pastor? Couldn't he have just confessed to a drug problem, take a temporary leave for rehab, and come back? He wouldn't be the first pastor to do so.

3. Why did he call (okay, allegedly, even though preliminary voice analysis is pretty sure it's his voice on voice messages left with his accuser) a gay man who advertises his services as an escort? He couldn't find some random meth dealer on the street?

Family Is as Family Does
I lost a friend this week in France. One of the best bass guitarists I ever met and had the pleasure of playing with, Laurent Coton Bonacchi, passed away from complications following a motorcycle accident. He leaves behind an infant son, his son's mother, and a host of friends in the jazz, rock, funk, and gospel music communities in Lyon, France, and elsewhere. LCB, as he was also known, was a great guy, a great musician, and he became my brother almost from our meeting. He was that kind of guy you immediately bonded with because his love for life and music was instantly evident. Lolo, you'll be missed and always loved.

Christmas in October?
Is it me, or is Christmas coming earlier and earlier each year? The first Christmas-related commercial I saw aired on Saturday, October 28, and it was for holiday decorations from a national home store chain. It's never too early to start freaking out about your decorating theme or how much money you have or don't have for Christmas presents.

Happy Friday, folks.

Frustrating Friday

2006-10-27T16:13:00.000-04:00

Can't guarantee a lot of cohesiveness, so I'll apologize in advance for what may end up being a stream of consciousness. Here goes.

The Marriage or Whatever Thing
As you've probably already heard, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples are entitled to the same rights as opposite-sex couples and has directed the state legislature to come up with an appropriate course of action, whether it is Marriage or Civil Union (initial cap intended). Responses I've heard have ranged from "this isn't a victory, it's a loss" to "gotta stop those activist judges" to "gotta save marriage" to "the timing was bad because now the conservatives have ammunition" blah, blah, blah. My stand on marriage equality is well known to anyone who has ever read my blog. And, my feelings on what conservatives want to do, no matter what ammo they have or don't have is also know. The bottom line is that the extreme right is always working at some point or another on something to keep their White, male-dominated, heterosexist, Christocratic, classist view ruling this country as long as they can. Don't be fooled into thinking that they didn't plan to vote in November, so the timing of the New Jersey announcement is, quite frankly, irrelevant. The infighting is exactly what they hope for -- get us pissed off at each other either for wanting marriage equality laws passed at what appears to be the cost of other things like decent wages, accessible healthcare, safe streets and affordable healthcare, and while we're fighting, they slip nonsense in like "defense of life" or "defense of marriage." And, speaking of being quite frank, those of you pissed off because we didn't get the word "MARRIAGE" need to rub the dust out of your eyes. The ruling says that the RIGHTS (READ: THE KABILLION LEGAL PROTECTIONS) opposite-sex couples get automatically because they pay a fee and get a license from City Hall (that's technically what marriage is, kids) should be extended equally to same-sex couples. As with the infighting about timing and whatever else, this is yet another weapon of mass distraction that allows the Righties to slip in while our backs are turned and convinces the legislatures to do things that take away evering bleeping thing they can. Civil union, marriage, great joining, whatever. It's about a piece of paper and what that paper means, so wake up already. Geez!!!

The Music Business is Giving me The Business or Technology is NOT My Friend
So, Telios, God bless her, gave me a Korg Triton Workstation with a CDRW for composition, making tracks, etc. I've done some things with it. For the last few months, I've mainly used it as a big piano, but I'm trying to learn how to do other things with it, and I need to since it cost as much as a car downpayment and I feel just a little pressure to make it pay for itself since it was so expensive. It's driving me up the freakin' wall, so if you know any musicians who can help me and keep me from selling the damn thing (because that would hurt Telios' feelings), let me know.

"Reformed" Homos
When I was 19, I came out. My good girlfriend at the time, whom I call Coco, also came out. Coco went to a groovy liberal arts college in Massachusetts, hooked up with a lesbian art major who went to a neighboring school, and they had their tumultuous lesbian relationship through to graduation. Post-breakup, Coco moved to San Francisco, became a bona fide dyke into leather and rugby, pissed off her conservative Caribbean parents, and made me envy the entire sordid journey that was her early-to-mid twenties. Some time passed and we lost touch. I ran into a guy we both knew, who was/is the best friend of another guy who would eventually become her boyfriend. My response then was "WTF?!?" and whenever I hear about some newly "reformed" re-oriented former homosexual, my response is still "WTF?!?" I'm not naming names; giving them free publicity for their duplicitous journey won't come from me.

I can hear some dopey responses out there: Why is it duplicitous? Maybe she wasn't really gay, She believes that homosexuality is a sin and she was delievered, Maybe she went through counseling and was able to find her true self. Lies and more lies.

Some folk like to say that one can't change being Black, yet bleaching creams sell like hot cakes in Africa. If Black women want to change the texture of their hair to straight, they can buy Asian hair to blend with their own. Or, they can chemically straighten it. Numerous celebrities, who made it big with the classically African features they were born with suddenly disappear for a few weeks and reappear with narrowed noses. Why isn't the Eurocizing of beauty seen as going against their nature?

Some folk work on Sunday. Are they quitting their jobs so as not to be in violation of keeping the Sabbath day holy?

Some folk wear polyester-cotton blends, eat cheeseburgers, are regular visitors to Red Lobster, and are regular consumers of food produced via genetic modification or artificial insemination, which in olden days was known as animal husbandry. Where are the re-orientation programs?

What is it that makes some lesbian and gay people wake up one day, and decide they need to not be gay anymore? Where are the heterosexuals that seek to be "changed" into homosexuals? Every gay man won't die of AIDS. Every lesbian doesn't hate men. Every gay man isn't having lots of sex. Every lesbian doesn't "look" lesbian. We're not all well-educated or rich. Care to see my banking statement? I bounced a check earlier this month, and I didn't graduate from college. Life isn't easy, salvation isn't promised, and you're not a better person because you're suddenly heterosexual. Screw you. We don't need you to be with us if you don't have the courage to be who you are. I can't promise I'll be willing to listen to how your marriage split up when you tell your husband or wife you had an affair with another man or woman.

Okay, I'm done.

Blooming in The Garden State

2006-10-25T15:38:00.000-04:00

Same-sex couples are entitled to the same rights as heterosexual married couples, according to the New Jersey Supreme Court. Guess the wife & I may have to shop for a home in New Jersey.

Yeah, I Know

2006-10-20T17:33:00.000-04:00

It's been a long, long time, and there's always so much to say. Did ya miss me?

Keith Urban -- Who Knew?
Damn, how can you mark four months from your wedding day by checking yourself into rehab? I'm just sayin'. On the serious tip, hoping he gets the help he needs, and Nicole does too. It's tough on the partner and family as well, and I wish them all the best.

Hey Paul -- All You Need is Love and a Good Lawyer
Hate to be in your shoes, bruh. And, I don't know what you did to piss Miss Heather off, but hell is lookin' real comfy next to what the tabloids claim she wants to do to you. Yikes!

Flav's Savor Has Lost Its Savor for New York
Not once, but twice, was Tiffany, a.k.a. New York, dumped for another chick on Flavor of Love 2. No, I didn't watch it, but Telios did, so I know the results. She might be in the house, but not in his (and that wasn't his house anyway!).

Can Anyone in TV Land Write Anything Anymore?
Is it me or is it that more new tv dramas are cheap copies of "24"? You know what I mean; something happens in a day, the consequences fan out like a ripple on the water, the hero has to solve the crime/undo the damage in one day and that day stretches out to a 12-episode season? Or worse, another stupid, not-really-based-in-reality reality show? I should care about the siblings of Aaron and Nick Carter because why, especially if I don't really care about Aaron and Nick?

I've given you enough pop culture bites for now. See ya when I have something real to talk about.

Value

2006-08-29T14:07:00.000-04:00

On the anniversary of The Hurricane (oddly enough, my best friend's first name is Katrina), it's important that we remember some things we may not want to. We have to remember that although 3000 lost their lives in the 9/11 attacks, more than 200,000 have still been unable to rebuild theirs. It's estimated that approximately half of New Orleans' population has yet to return to the city. Although the families of 3000 people, including 300 safety officers (firefighters, police officers) were instantly changed by circumstances out of their control, at least they've had more than a fighting chance at putting their lives back together. Millions of dollars given by individuals, corporations, and governments, has been distributed to the surviving families and anyone affected by the attacks, with some families becoming instant millionaires. In comparison, poor families displaced along the Gulf Coast, are barely surviving in FEMA-provided trailers. Their neighborhoods are still littered with debris. Dilapidated houses, with corpses still inside, still stand. It took months for debris from the World Trade Center to be removed.

I'll probably take some flack for what may be insensitivity. Please don't misunderstand me. A tragedy is a tragedy; loss is loss. I can't imagine what it's like to see a loved on in the beginning of the day, only to never see them again, never hear their voice, see their smile, feel the warmth of their hand, by day's end. I can't imagine what it's like to wonder where they are, walking the streets looking for them just as families of 9/11 victims did just hours after the towers fell and families of Katrina victims did, walking around the New Orleans Superdome. The posting of names and pictures, with cell phone numbers of seekers. The anguish of finding out someone has perished before help became available.

I remember my one visit to New Orleans to work a convention at the very Convention Center that became home for thousands. Obviously, it was a different place then, lit festively, decorated with products for sale and Christmas promotions. I walked the streets of the French Quarter imagining what it must have been like to hear jazz in dark rooms. I tasted gator for the first time, much to the amazement of the colleagues I was traveling with (it didn't taste like chicken, more like swordfish). It was hot, steamy. I can only imagine what the steamy heat was like with pressurized, stormy air filling a house while water is rising around you like a plugged sink. I remember taking the PATH train from the World Trade Center to New Jersey, taking what seemed like an endless escalator from the bowels of the earth to the street. I remember the first time I got lost in the World Trade Center complex, looking for my train in 2 WTC, only to end up at 7 WTC. And I remember loving the massive towers of steel and concrete. I remember walking across the Manhattan Bridge on September 11, 2001 to get to my Brooklyn home, turning my head to watch the billows of smoke shrouding lower Manhattan. I'll never forget the look on the face of my dear Telios when I turned the corner onto our street. I can only imagine what a mother separated from her child by rising flood waters, or a firefighter's wife must have felt when they were reunited after hours of uncertainty.

Every life has value and we have to treat every life as valuable. Is it more appropriate to spend money fighting a war abroad that's supposed to help people rebuild their lives or to send that money to help people rebuild their lives here? Is it more important to spend five years trying to create a memorial that makes every surviving family happy (which won't happen) or to get a neighborhood cleaned up after a year?

Let us not allow our local pride, wherever we may come from, blind us to the value that we all have, wherever we are.

From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

2006-08-28T09:17:00.000-04:00

Ridiculous -- The Flavor of Love 2. It wasn't bad enough that Flavor Flav, the court jester of hip hop's Public Enemy, subjected us to his antics, first with Brigitte Nielsen in VHi's "The Surreal Life," or that we had to suffer, sometimes painfully, through the sharing of his desires in The Flavor of Love, but this dude's back for a second season, with a new bunch of fame-seeking freakazoids. Ugh. I don't like to speak ill of folks because I don't want folks to speak ill of me. However, I am one of the millions who are repulsed but fascinated by the insanity that is Flav and the women willing to do pretty much anything to "be" with him, all for a shot at stardom. I'm sure Flav is a nice guy; certainly someone who asks his mother to provide input on a potential woman for him can't be all bad, but my sexual orientation aside, Flav's not my cup of tea. And the women willing to resort to fisticuffs to resolve conflict on any kind -- in the first few minutes of FOL2, 2 women get to swingin' over sleeping quarters -- are definitely not take-home-to-mom-worthy either.

And then there's Spike Lee's incredible documentary, "When The Levees Broke," an intense look at New Orleans the week of and the days following Hurricane Katrina. The devil is truly is in the details, and details like a study revealing that 170,000 New Orleans residents didn't have access to a car, select levees were purposely dynamited in the 1920's to protect pricey real estate and improperly built in the 1960's (with another devastating storm in 1968), show how poor New Orleans, without regard to race, have always been treated like trash. Get HBO, or get to an HBO-having friend's house to watch, or look for the DVD when it's released.

Music, Life & Love

2006-08-18T08:20:00.000-04:00

Society is always looking for something to define it. Catchphrases abound, things like "every generation has an event that defines it" (from the trailer for the new movie "World Trade Center"), and my favorite "music is the soundtrack of our lives." We crave a little piece of definer to help us make sense of life because we are completely incapable of simply accepting that life just is. The premise behind one of my new favorite movies & books, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy" is the search for meaning in life, boiled down to explanations of almost everything, neatly gathered in a resource called The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy (my feelings on this are the subject of another post for later).

According to reports, a Mew York researcher has found that young men who listen to certain types of music are more likely to put themselves as risk for HIV. The music styles range from hip hop that glorifies materialism, which is different from traditional/ancestral hip hop that discusses urban life and politics, to club music, defined as techno and electronica (although I believe the researchers are really talking more about house, hard house, and jungle), and gospel. The researcher spoke to young men in three New York neighborhoods, and judging from the styles of music cited, these guys were probably mostly Black and Latino, and many were probably gay or bisexual.

Yes, I'm generalizing. I have to say that I don't know too many young White men who could identify Israel Houghton or Hezekiah Walker. And, I'm sure there aren't a lot of straight guys who could sing the main lyrics of "Din Da Da" or tell you who Frankie Knuckles or Junior Vasquez are. But, I think it's a bit simplistic to say that music styles will influence your sexual decision making. The pelvis-swirling antics of Elvis Presley were thought to be the beginning of moral decay in the staid 50's, yet we now revere Elvis as a cultural hero. White kids were dropping acid, dropping their drawers, and dropping out in the 60's, yet the aforementioned phrase "music is the soundtrack of our lives" came from that era. The resentment of the children of the working class who didn't have the luxury of dropping out became the incubator for the borderline racist and homophobic Disco Sucks campaign of the 70's, complete with the destruction of thousands of disco records in a baseball field, yet the now-senior rockers of that time have also become cultural icons. Was not the drug addiction and sometimes criminal behavior of these pseudo-heroes not responsible for just-as-destructive behavior involving drugs and alcohol, and yet we don't think of rock as responsible for moral irresponsibility?

Some repressive conservative somewhere will use this discovery as yet another reason why this or that lifestyle is destructive. I think we have to do better. Let's do a better job of teaching kids about sex in schools -- not telling them anything is not working, and not making condoms more available isn't working either. Let's make parents be more responsible for their children. Let's make our neighborhoods more livable, increase employment opportunities, and make it easier to get a real education and perhaps sex won't be such a dicey form of recreation. But don't say that a thumping beat or scantily clad girls in videos are making kids more likely to put themselves at risk.

We Are In Our Last Days For Real

2006-08-07T16:36:00.000-04:00

Although slightly cheeky, my title is for real. Several states have expanded their self-defense laws which, for example, allow you to shoot, and possibly kill someone in self-defense, even if you have time and opportunity to flee to safety. And, in Florida, you can shoot to protect your property. Your property. You can shoot, and possibly kill someone to protect your home and your stuff. I've known about this madness for a while now since my brother, who lives in Nevada, proudly owns a gun and did almost shoot a young man that hopped his fence to retrieve a ball. Bro says he protects his property thusly because liability laws are a drag; if aforementioned kid had fallen and broken his ankle in aforementioned fall, he could sue my brother for damages, even though he had no business in my brother's yard.

I can't imagine that in states where gun possession is highly regarded that we'll necessarily have responsible application of this law. The self-defense argument supported by this law doesn't only apply to you on your property, but also to you on the street, feeling threatened. Throw a little racial profiling in, a little queer panic, and you have possible abuse of self-defense.

And, in other last days news, the Times reports on a new genre of "reality" t.v. (which, interestingly enough is as scripted as a sitcom) where homeless people are paid as little as five bucks to fight, injure themselves, and perform other humiliating acts, which are then recorded and released on DVD, a la chicks doin' crazy things. Needless to say, these DVDs have raked in millions, with no remorse for their perversion, from the series creator. He claims he's simply providing something new and entertaining. We truly are in our last days when we think watching people without options do the most humiliating things possible all for five lousy dollars.

I recently shared my views on violence in our world, and now I'm thoroughly convinced we have a huge problem on our hands. We in America are baffled by the behavior of suicide bombers and terrorists, but we don't value life. We call the aggressive response to a threat self-defense, but if you look at how these laws are structured, particularly Florida's, you'll find cases where an opportunity to flee was present, and not taken. Is the answer now to become a wild west-type society where everyone is armed and people are disposable? Why should we teach our children to avoid violence when adults don't have to? Why should we enact laws that supposedly protect life by outlawing abortion when the only lives we're interested in protecting are those that a few people think are worth protecting? I'm not some random tree hugger; I wear leather and eat animal products, including foie gras and lobster. I think far too many people who could be gainfully employed in non-strenuous work are sitting at home collecting disability and too many people who don't make enough of an effort to gain an employable skill, preferring, even for multiple generations, to collect welfare and live in subsidized housing. I am in support of our armed forces, police, and firefighters because it takes a hell of a lot to willfully put onesself in harm's way, and I believe if you can't reasonably and optimally take responsibility for what the results may be from having unprotected sex, you shouldn't. However, I don't believe we're fighting a war that makes sense, we'd rather spend money on private schools that only a few can afford to attend instead of public schools for everyone, and I don't believe that racism, sexism, homophobia and classism no longer exist. We don't respect life enough, and that will ultimately be the fall of our society.

The Iron Fist

2006-08-01T14:57:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about violence a lot lately. I'm not a violent person, nor do I advocate the use of violence to solve conflict. I will, however, do what I must, including resort to violence, to protect myself or my family, and only as a last resort for I believe I am prayerful enough and wise enough to try other means first.

I've been concerned for years about the ever-escalating situation in the Middle East. Briefly, the U.S. has been a big supporter of Israel since its founding in 1948. Much of Israel's expansion has depended upon the thrashing and conquering of surrounding nations that lived in relative peace for years prior. Essentially, Israel has been a bully. Don't take my word for it. Go to The History Channel's site to learn for yourself. And, by the way, being anti-Israel is not the same as being anti-Jewish or anti-Semitic, so keep your flaming to yourself.

Here in the U.S., violence against LGBT people, particularly Black LGBTs, continues unabated. A Black lesbian in Washington, D.C. was murdered, allegedly for cooperating with the police in a murder case where the victim was a Black lesbian. Last year, another Black lesbian was murdered in D.C. Here in New York, one Black gay man was murdered, and two others savagely beaten. On the island of Jamaica, one young gay man was severely beatn by a mob egged on by the young man's father, two gay men were murdered, one in his home, reminiscent of murderous home invasions that were rampant in the 1970's and 80's, and in recent weeks, a young lesbian couple were murdered.

What can we attribute this brutality to? I don't have an answer, nor do I necessarily have a theory. I do know that Western society, particularly those countries with easy access to the Internet and those into video and electronic games are becoming more desensitized to violence, blood and gore. When you can take a life with the push of a button, it's just as easy to do it for real. But that's a pat and elemental theory. The reality is that when you have nothing to live for, you aren't afraid to die or help someone else to die by taking their life.

I said earlier that I thought I was prayerful enough and smart enough to find alternatives to violence. Many aren't. Today, I saw a sign posted outsied a community garden that said that planting corn meant you were interested in committing to an area, a community. When we stop directing money to the public school system, preferring to give it to vouchers for private schools, schools that often were (and still are) used to exclude many students, we stop committing to public schools and their improvement. When we provide increasing support to "luxury" housing, which really means nothing more than putting some dude at the door to accept your packages, a few mediocre exercise machines in a spare room and calling it a gym, throwing some stainless steel appliances that aren't necessarily high end, just highly finished, we stop committing to improving neighborhoods for the people already in the community who exercise at the Y and whose stoves have white enamel finish. The rich and nouveau riche are increasing, while the poor continue to get poor and stay poor. And all of that, coupled with lousy nutrition, substance abuse, and mental illness make for pissed-off people receptive to negative messages that lead to violence, irrespective of the source of those messages, e.g. the government, the church, or the media.

This post is not so much an offer of solution as much as it is a sad and angry rant. Our societies are self-combusting and something needs to change.

Aaarghhh!!!!!

Catching Up

2006-07-21T15:39:00.000-04:00

Lots of things to talk about, so let's jump in.

To Give or Not To Give
MSNBC.com's money section features an article on handling panhandlers. The article was surprisingly honest, and even featured common thoughts from the head of an organization that helps the homeless, including beliefs that not all homeless folk are genuinely poor. I'll leave the judgements to you, but the upshot is that it's better to not give to panhandlers. That part wasn't surprising. There was an article in a recent edition of USA Today that looked at how welfare reform has changed the country, with large drops in the number of families on welfare rolls, but you have to wonder just how much if large cities like San Francisco and Chicago have beggars on every corner. What is undisputed, in both articles, is that panhandling and welfare, can't, won't, and shouldn't be the be-all and end-all for sustaining life, and low-paying menial and clerical jobs aren't cutting it either. Let's make it easier to get education and training for higher skilled jobs, bring down the price of property so that maybe we don't have to lose support services to cheaper places overseas, and perhaps we won't have such a huge problem with poverty.

I'm Not Gay, and Neither Is My Girlfriend
For the record, I'm not one of those homosexuals who either needs every homosexual in the world to come out, nor do I think every well-dressed, pretty man or strong woman is queer. My people have to stop claiming everyone. Quite frankly, some folks we have, we don't want! Okay, maybe just me. Conversely, heterosexuals who aren't gay need to stop unconcsiously demonizing queers by making declarative statements affirming their heterosexuality. Case in point, when Oprah speaks, people listen. The August issue of O magazine focuses on friendship, and features an extensive interview with buddies Oprah and Gayle King. They're so close that each of Oprah's homes has a room for Gayle (Oprah doesn't want a tv in her bedroom, but Gayle insists that hers does). And, Oprah shares a truth that as much as we want to believe that marriage is an equal thing, or rather, unconditional, it's not, but their relationship is unconditional. This isn't the first time that Oprah's been a little less than gay-friendly. She used to do a pretty decent show for National Coming Out Day, but then she spent an hour with author J.L. King, whose book explodes the myth of the down low, making it seem that most Black men are cheating on their women with men, and another hour with author Terry McMillan, to discuss her nasty divorce from husband Jonathan Plummer, who had to endure verbal pummeling from both women. I'm not suggesting that Oprah either tell a lie about her friendship, but what happens (and happened in People magazine) is the "I'm not gay" part is what is teased out and inflated, not "There's nothing wrong with being gay."

And speaking of gay, I was in Chicago, performing in several events for the Gay Games. Lots of music, lots of hot weather, and lots of fun. Aside from a small group of pro-het marriage supporters, and one heckler at the choral concert, who was silent through the entire evening, I didn't encounter anyone who was anything other than supportive and friendly. Oddly enough, and I do mean odd, there supposed to have been a group of anti-gay Christians who hung out in front of Steamworks, a large and very popular gay bathhouse in Boys Town (Chicago's gay district). The Christians were offering to pray for potential patrons, that they would turn from their "destructive" lifestyle, blah blah blah. I'm always amused at where these clowns choose to appear -- they're never at concerts featuring openly gay gospel artists, nor are they at picnics for gay families. And, in news coverage of the Games, a gay man, whose name I wish I knew, but I do know he's either the head of a gay rights org or part of the Games, is in a dialogue with Peter La Barbera, head of the Illinois Family Institute (and someone who is unusually well-versed in gay male sexuality), and this guy says:
"It is offensive that you would reduce tha lives of gay and lesbian people to their genitals." Brilliant!

Try to keep cool and dry, my friends. More later.

The Great Marriage Machine

2006-07-06T09:59:00.000-04:00

Okay, the title's a bit unwieldy, but so is the rationale behind this morning's conclusion that same-sex couples in New York don't have a guaranteed right to marry. In the decision, justices felt the decision should be passed to the legislature, with the upholding of heterosexual marriage because het couples can reproduce.

What? Perhaps the early reporting of the decision makes the justices seem like eugenics-mad Victorians, limiting the purpose of marriage to joyless mating. Ultra conservative Christians have a similar argument for the so-called protection of marriage, claiming that God intends marriage for heterosexual couple only because they're supposed to multiply, creating new Christians. So, then, are we to conclude that het couples who are infertile are societal failures? Christian failures? Have women, once again, been reduced to procreation machines?

I won't bore you with my views on same-sex marriage. It's like television -- you don't like the program, change the channel. Or more like ordering at a restaurant -- don't eat the fish if you want chicken, but don't tell me fish shouldn't be on the menu.

In this week of thinking about life,liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (BTW, did anyone else have trouble publishing on Blogger yesterday?), have we completely forgotten that America was founded on the principle of protecting who we are as individuals? Are gay couples that much of a threat? And are we that frightened of change in our society?

For All

2006-07-05T14:25:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm a day late. I'm of the say-nothing-until-one-has-something-to-say school, so I didn't say anything. Here goes.

230 years ago, America's founding fathers signed a piece of paper meant to ensure and uphold the rights of the individual, decreasing government's intervention in the day-to-day life of individuals, well, mainly White men, but I digress. Religion wasn't supposed to unduly influence lawmaking, which would therefore hinder the rights and development of the individual. Needless to say, we've done an about face and are rapidly moving toward a Christocracy that threatens to ensure the rights of the Christian, irrepsective of race or ethnicity, unless you're an immigrant, legal or not, irrespective of gender, although many Christian churches still push male supremacy from the bedroom to the pulpit, and without regard to marital status, unless you're cohabitating or a same-sex couple, although some local governments are trying to purposely protect heterosexual marriages with express prohibition of legal recognition of same-sex couplings. My point isn't so much a God Bless America, flag and apple pie idolatry of all things Americana as much as it is frustration as usual, at the whitewashing of what it means to be American.

New York is often referred to as a melting pot, a soup, if you will. So is America. I've said before that the thing about soup is that all the ingredients, when cooked together as in a soup, eventually taste the same. Put carrots in a chicken stock, and they stop tasting like carrots -- they'll taste like chicken. Throw noodles in, they'll taste like chicken. Corn, poratoes, parsley, they'll taste like chicken. There's your melting pot. I've often thought that America is more like a salad, or at least that's what our founders intended. Although the salad dressing bring the ingredients together, you can still taste each item; the greens, the protein, the croutons.

I'd love for us to be like salad and less like soup, and I think we are. We've turned niche commemorations like Kwanzaa, St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo, and Chinese New Year into commonly recognized celebrations. We've even begun to recognize, albeit on a smaller scale, Gay Pride. But louder and louder voices are calling for a "soupifying" of America, with federal protection of heterosexual couples, increasing support for privatization of everything from education to art to public works, and idolatry through prohibition of flag burning and protesting at military funerals (and don't flame me -- protesting at any funeral is a lousy thing to do, but not necessarily something that needs to be legislated). Despite easily accessed information about the false facade put up by The Ozzie & Harriet Show, there are still those in power, and gaining power, that want America to be a Christian nation with men on top, women on the bottom, and no queers. That's just not the way it is.

I want America to really receive and embrace the tired and poor, the huddled masses yearning to be free. I'm not anti-American, or un-American, or quasi-American because I am not, and don't want to be what some say I should be. I am an American.

The Politics of Food

2006-06-26T09:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's Times featured an article on the ethics of food, particularly the ethics of eating things like lobster. The article mentions Whole Foods has decided not to carry live lobsters anymore because they live their last few days on earth in a holding tank, which doesn't "demonstrate a concern for animal welfare" and that Chicago, and the state of California have outlawed the sale of foie gras, which I've mentioned before (I wonder if I can get foie gras on my deep dish pizza while I'm in Chicago next month. Just kidding. Foie gras on pizza is sacrilege.). Although I do believe that the meat production industry is in need of overhaul, I think the ethical policing of food has created a monster.

We were silent when the fast food industry grew by teaching us to love its high fat, high salt, and high sugar products. We didn't say anything when the feeding of animal products to cattle eventually birthed Mad Cow Disease until people started to become ill and die. We didn't complain when dirty conditions on chicken farms exposed us to salmonella. Don't misunderstand. Mad Cow and salmonella aren't new diseases. They morphed by increasingly efficient conditions that allowed their growth and spread. And, supply is fed, no pun intended, by demand -- greasy burger joints wouldn't proliferate and profit without customers, and no one holds a gun to one's head to force the food down one's throat. But making it more difficult for people to choose to purchase food, good or bad, is just unnecessary.

Is the cooking of lobster, an animal that must be alive before cooking to ensure freshness, any worse than fishing? Or the eating of eggs, which are essentially potential offspring? The consumption of oysters, eaten while still living or killed seconds before hitting our mouths? Is the argument for a plant-based diet from an ethical standpoint simply that plants don't have to die for us? What happens to humans when animals, biologically capable of more efficient reproduction, outnumber humans? Will our superior intellect be enough to protect us when we will need to dispose of them? Were the cavemen wrong for wearing animal skins to keep warm? What if they hadn't? Would the animal rights people be alive today if early man hadn't kept warm?

I'm all for making better choices about our food. Mass produced meat isn't all that good for you; shot up full of growth hormones and infused with fat so it's bigger and yields more to yield a bigger profit. Small farms are being absorbed by or replaced by corporate farms, putting little farms out of business. Fruit and vegetables are increasingly available out of season in response to demand, so much of our produce comes from farms that may or may not have appropriate standards for safe production (limited use of potentially harmful pesticides and fertilizers), so we have fresh strawberries, a summer fruit, available in the dead of winter. I believe we should learn how food tastes without additives, grown in its season so it tastes best, and is therefore desirable. But for the love of pete, use ethics to make decisions that will benefit everyone, not just a small group of elitists who think they're benefiting the planet by giving animals raised for food an identity.

Pride, Sort Of

2006-06-24T07:38:00.000-04:00

It's Pride weekend in NYC, and in many cities. Pride, with a capital P, that is. This weekend is the culmination of a month of increased visibility of the LGBTQI community (no way am I typing all of that, oh hell, here it is anyway: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex) and the issues that affect us. There will be coverage of the march down Fifth Avenue, complete with scantily-clad boys (and now girls, although that's kinda new), leather daddies with boys on leashes, a couple of shots of parents with their gay kids, gay parents with their children, and the right-wing nutbags that hate us. There are lots of parties, and suddenly the party that was ten bones to get into last weekend, will be thirty this weekend. Rainbow flags will fly and cute t-shirts will abound, like the one I used to have that said 2QT2BSTR8.

I plan to go to a party, as I usually do each year. The wife and I will share some quality time (wink wink). But this year is different somehow. My best friend, who usually attends the Dyke March, is taking her 3-year-old to a birthday party for her 4-year-old friend. I'm working on Sunday morning, playing for a service, followed by attendance at a dance recital featuring another friend's 3-year-old. We'll get something to eat, take the baby home, catch a disco nap, and spend the aforementioned thirty bucks to dance in a crowded room full of urban lesbians, press ourselves close to the stage to see a couple of female exotic dancers, grab some late night pancakes and sleep in on Monday morning. These are the plans, but I'm over the whole Pride, with a capital P thing.

According to my favorite online dictionary, Merriam-Webster, pride is defined as the state of being proud, or having excessive self-esteem, a sense of superiority over others. So, what is it that makes Pride necessary if pride doesn't have such a positive connotation? Is it that we who identify as LGBTQI feel our sexual and emotional choices are superior because we choose who to be involved with, or not? Don't get me wrong; I'm not suggesting that same-sex attraction is a choice. I'm saying that we don't feel obligated to pair out of duty (e.g. arranged marriage, parenting, planned or unplanned, societal or familial expectations). Is our pride based on rejection of narrow social definitions of family? Rejection of body standards; hypermasculine figures encasing a feminized persona, large breasts and fat thighs accepted as sexy, wispy boys and buff girls? Acceptance of our sexuality and sexual expression? Or is it that we understand that relationships are difficult, and our relationship choices are made with the knowledge that we probably won't have a lot of support or role models? Is our pride warranted or do we just use Pride as an excuse to let our hair down?

I've marched in several Pride parades/marches (some say march because it's an expression of rebellion, other say parade because it's a celebration), and loved it. I had a blast walking the lavender line down one of the most famous avenues in the world along with thousands of participants, with thousands more watching. I've enjoyed watching from the sidelines, reveling in the colors of the people and the costumes, the beautiful and beautifully grotesque bodies in different levels of undress, dancing along. I've been stirred by the speeches of celebrities, community and political leaders at Pride rallies, even performing at several of them, having the chance to meet and spend time with them. I've enjoyed the raw communion of sweating to a thump-thump in a darkened room with women united in celebration or their love and sexuality. But I now wonder what it's all about.

Now, I relish time with all my friends, homo- and heterosexual, over a bottle or two of good wine and a great meal, looking at my wife next to me in the early morning light, giggling with my godchildren while listening to their still-forming speech and boundless imagination, and playing music that brings people joy. I don't think preferring those things over an overpriced, oversexualized, overhyped 24-hour experience makes me any less proud of who I am, a 40-year-old woman of African-American and Caribbean parentage, who is a musician and a lesbian married to a beautiful, smart, talented, loving, sexy woman with just enough Brooklyn-bred edge tempered with Southern sensibilities to keep me intrigued. I'll go out, gobble a couple of painkillers to make my reconstructed ankle behave while standing for several hours, have a few drinks to make me ignore the throngs of people around me and pay more attention to the thong-clad dancers I'll see, enjoy my wife's standing and posing and parading me around as the butch of her dreams, and feel the same pride the hundreds of women around me will feel. And then I'll go home, and wake up the next morning remembering that I'm just as entitled to be proud of who I am as anyone who doesn't venture into the great, weird, wonderful, freaky circus that is Pride.

So, to my same-gender loving, transgendered, homo-friendly brothers and sisters, enjoy your pride and your Pride. Play all you want, but play safe. Wear a condom every time. Don't do the club drugs. Designate a driver or keep the number of a cab company in your pocket. Travel with friends. Introduce that hottie you've just met to somebody before leaving with them. And always remember that when the party ends, when you've gone to sleep alone, love is all there is, and the best way to be proud is to love yourself.

Happy Pride.

Change of Life

2006-05-29T13:11:00.000-04:00

As I've mentioned in the past, I'm involved with a fantastic group called IllumiNation, and we were in Lyon, France a couple of weeks ago. I've actually been busy, despite the loss of my day job, so this is the first chance I've had to really write about the trip.

First, I have to say this was easily one of the best weeks of my life. The media is alternately a gift and a curse; it informs, and it mis-informs. Lots of Americans are walking around with a nasty idea about the French, especially that they're snooty or hard to get along with. That couldn't be further from the truth -- the French know how to have a good time, and love meeting and talking with people.

Paris is a lot like Manhattan, busy and glitzy, somewhat elitist in its sense of self. When one thinks of France, Paris comes to mind first, and rightly so, just as when one speaks of New York, they think of Manhattan (even if they just think of Manhattan as "the city") first. But the city of Lyon is like Brooklyn, with a laid-back, casual attitude, plenty of relaxed places to hang out and eat or drink (you can get a beer at 8am if you want and no one cares), and a diverse population. Everyone in Lyon isn't White and thin. In fact, I was pretty comforted when I saw full-figured girls on the street just doin' the damn thing.

The group we went to fellowship with, La Jamaa, was amazing; amazing singers, amazingly warm, amazingly welcoming. We had a great time. Telios & I are already thinking about going back in December, but our schedules are a little full, not to mention that we're going to need to watch our expenses.

I probably should have called this post Upheaval Part 2 because my life is rapidly changing, and the trip was a huge part of that. I don't have audio files (working on that), but pictures will be up on the IllumiNation site soon.

More later.

This is Important?

2006-05-18T15:49:00.000-04:00

As you know, I've expressed my support for same-sex marriage, not because I'm in one, but because I don't see how its existence is such a threat to an already-changed social landscape, including redefined families. I've shared my disgust at changing the Constitution explicitly to forbid something, which I believe goes against the spirit of the document in the first place.

I actually thought it wasn't possible that our government would actually stoop so low as to ignore the widening gap between rich and poor, the rampant privatization of everything, including a prescription drug plan that is supposed to help senior citizens but is so confusing that the majority of those it is supposed to help couldn't figure it out in time for the initial application deadline, a military action that is supposed to stretch into the next Presidency, Americans who fell for the SUV's are great okey-doke just a few years ago now facing a giant bite in the ass thanks to skyrocketing gas costs, dirt-cheap adjustable rate mortgages now coming home to roost, and post-9/11 impulse-buyers facing bills they can't pay that they would actually take the time to approve legislature that has all but put the last nail in the coffin to officially outlaw marriage between two men or two women.

This is important?

Upheaval

2006-05-16T10:28:00.000-04:00

I often vacillate between publicly journaling my personal struggles and simply sticking to expressing my opinion on a variety of things. It has become more and more difficult to post here because there is so much in the news to write about, and there has been quite a bit in my personal life as well.

In the past, I've written about my relationship with the lovely Telios, and I've also written about old friends (some of whom have contacted me, which has been lovely). Once I even shared a long-term struggle I've had with my creative longings, something that is rearing its head again.

So, I'm taking the public journal route in the hope that perhaps my perspiration will be someone's inspiration. The universe has a funny way of making things happen when we won't make them happen for ourselves. People come into our lives, leave our lives. Jobs come and go. Disappointments mount. Sigh.

I've been laid off my job. I can't say I was surprised, but it sucks anyway. The truth is I grew to depend on that regular check, and the regular benefits. The truth is I like having a routine, even one that isn't that great. Waking at a certain time, wearing certain clothes. You get used to that. You get used to seeing people most of the week. I'm okay for money right now, although I'm not sure why I've sort of been hiding from my landlady. The rent will be paid on time and in full for most of a year. I have a part-time job, and I can pick up another one, or even temp. Telios has partner benefits at her job, and I can get on her insurance once mine is done. She's a little conflicted about hers, though, so I do feel a little bad about sort of forcing her to stay if she isn't completely happy about it.

The greater thing, the scarier thing, scarier than money, more frightening than making sure I stay healthy and uninjured is that I really don't do many things well other than music. I don't think I do music that well, so I have a small problem. However, others would disagree about my musical talents, and so I've been making concerted efforts to browse the musician listings on Craigslist and respond to postings I think I might be suited for. Wonder if I should freak out because no one has responded to any of my messages even to say "we're not looking for 40-year-old church musicians who play by ear better than they read, with no jazz experience, no Berklee or Julliard or Clive Davis School degree bullshit-ass wannabe career changers going through a midlife crisis, so have a seat, old lady."

Sigh. I don't have to financially freak out yet. I do have a severance package, and a church job. I'd just like to feel a little more confident about the whole thing. I should probably just stick to my original plan which was to:

1. Get a piano teacher to help with improv and theory
2. Buy a guitar and teach myself enough chords to play music to entertain the hoardes of babies in the nabe lucky enough to hang out in coffee bars with their work at home moms
3. Try to write more and get published
4. Take the summer off, work on my resume and get another job or register with a temp agency

Perhaps I should just not attempt anything major until a full month has passed (it's only been three weeks). Perhaps I should just act like I'm on vacation. Perhaps I should just have another cup of coffee, reminisce about last week's incredible trip to France (another post, I swear!), and learn the music I need to know for tomorrow's rehearsal for the job I do have.

Sigh.

Lessons Learned

2006-04-24T07:02:00.000-04:00

The school system in New York City, both public and parochial, has been in a state of flux for at least twenty years or more. I'm one of a few thousand NYC high school grads with a diploma signed by Anthony Alvarado, who in the mid-1980's was touted as the savior of the troubled, underperforming school system. He left after charges of misconduct. After Alvarado, came Ramon Cortines, and Rudy Crew, both highly regarded school reformists. They would be the last chancellors with true educational backgrounds. With the election of New York's first Republican mayor in many years, came the bright idea that schools should be run like businesses. A poorly performing division within a company would be shut down. A well performing division would be rewarded. Joel Klein, a lawyer with no experience in education save for a 4-month gig teaching elementary school math in 1969, was put at the helm of the New York public school system, a volatile organism of a million students, 83,000 teachers, and a $15 billion budget.

Yes, test scores did improve under his watch, but what do tests prove other than you know enough information to pick correctly from several choices? New York City still receives fewer education dollars per student than its upstate neighbors (thanks George!), which means underperforming school continue to lag behind because of insufficient support. Public school teachers are still paid less than private school teachers, and suburban teachers, which means the best teachers are fleeing the cities. And, underperforming schools are closing, including Wingate High School, the subject of a AP News story.

I'm not suggesting that schools like Wingate, even with a stellar list of alumnae like Jackie Robinson and California Senator Barbara Boxer, or a school like Erasmus Hall, whose equally stellar alumnae include Barbra Streisand, should remain open for sentimental reasons. I believe they should stay open, get some real money, put out the kids who express no interest in learning because they'd prefer jail over a job, and put in better (or hell, more) books, computers, and teachers to help those kids who do want to learn. Underperforming schools are found in largely Black and Latino, immigrant-heavy neighborhoods, and they are often the only available school to these kids. What message is being sent to kids in crappy neighborhoods when their one great chance at succeeding and improving their station is taken from them? Is it really fair to give more and more to those schools that are doing well? Will we not perpetuate a "culture of failure," as Klein has shared, by not doing all that we could to help these schools? What will really happen to the kids displaced by school closings?

I've shared in the past my reticence toward homeschooling because I fear it is isolating and may create a nation of kids who then grow up to create insular communities, and my lack of trust in the school voucher system because it says that public school don't matter. Not that school vouchers would help some of these displaced kids get into parochial school as many city Catholic schools, often seen as a superior alternative to crowded, unsafe, poorly-taught classes. Again, most schools slated for closure are in urban areas, heavily Black and Latino, heavily immigrant. The privatization, the corporatization of everything social is creating a sharp divide between the classes, and that is bound to implode.

So, what are we learning and what are we teaching our kids?

Heteronormativity

2006-04-22T16:25:00.000-04:00

I know that's a lot to say. Using the idiot's guide to etymology, heteronormativity loosely means that normalizing of opposite-ness, in this case opposite-sex attraction, sexuality, and relationships. A small group of bloggers have decided that April 22 is Blog Against Heteronormativity Day.

I had this whole piece, this ongoing mess o'blah blah about how the visibility of heterosexuality has made it the accepted norm, thus you have "heteronormativity" and I went on and on about how we are so limited in our thinking that if you're pro-something, you have to be anti-something, like pro-Black automatically means pro-White, and pro-female means you can't possibly be pro-male. I had a lot of rather all-over-the-place thoughts that were meant to convey my feelings on blogging against heteronormativity (thus my post at damn near the end of the day). But, I decided at the last minute to make my post from the last National Coming Out Day available instead because I think it says what I think blogging against heteronormativity is about. The visible becomes the normal, for good or for bad, so the more visible non-heterosexual people are, the more "normal" (eesh, that word is so awkward to me) they become.

So, for all you bloggers who've done your thing for today, thank you. For all of you who read this post, and what I really want to say for today, thank you also.

Happy reading.

What Would Jesus Do?

2006-04-14T06:50:00.000-04:00

You don't see many of those bracelets, or other theme park-type merchandise with the magic letters W.W.J.D. these days, and I'm kinda glad. As with the whole Prayer of Jabez jazz (based on the prayer of one Jabez, who asked God to bless him, and "enlarge" his territory), it has petered out somewhat. I don't think most people really got it anyway. Back to the Prayer of Jabez, most folks stopped at the "enlarge my territory" part, and didn't think about the rest, which reads, "that I may cause no harm."

And there is where the trouble starts. I think most Christians are fairly well-intentioned. They don't want to sin, commit those acts which are harmful to self or others, and thus count against them on the Day of Judgement, the moment when facing God after one's death. And, they don't want to sin by associating themselves with, or support those who sin or support policies that may encourage sin. I'm not a theologian, and I don't wish to engage in exegesis right now, so fix it for yourself if you think I'm off base on the sin business. The question about what we who believe (fill in the blank here) should do, is answered in the book of Matthew. An earnest seeker asks Jesus what the greatest commandment is, and the response is to first love God with everything you have and are, and second, to love your neighbor as you love yourself. The trouble starts with loving your neighbors as you love yourself, but I think the average Christocrat (the self-defined Christian who mixes politics with religion) prefers to love those who are most like themselves.

Yeah, it's "politically incorrect" to be racist or sexist, but it happens all the time. What isn't racist about investing more in prisons than in schools, particularly in urban areas with high non-White populations? What isn't sexist about sweeping legislation that outlaws the right to abortions under most circumstances? It's deemed perfectly acceptable to be anti-gay, even though Jesus never said a word about same-sex relationships. Excessive behavior, whether it's overeating (also known as gluttony), overwork and unequal distribution of wealth (anyone else notice that a whole bunch of policy making, loud-talking, heavily influential Christocrats are affluent?), are sinful, yet the church is full of fat people driving luxury cars. Jesus shot down violent punishment for violent crime, was a victim of capital punishment himself, yet the death penalty is supported by Christocrats.

Today is Good Friday, a day marked by Christians around the world. Good Friday was the day that Jesus was sentenced to death by crucifixion, a particularly grisly way to die (the body is attached to a wooden cross, the weight of the body pulls it toward the ground, with eventual suffocation as a result of compression of the chest). Some Christians fast, using the deprivation to partially feel Jesus' suffering. Some churches hold three-hour services, with sermons based on the Seven Last Words of Christ (not literally the last seven words said, but the last seven statements of significance). Then comes Easter, the day of the Resurrection, when Jesus arises from the dead, taking the sins of the world with Him and proving that He, as the earthly embodiment of God, is greater than death, or Death.

I've framed this loosely, and mean no disrespect by doing so, so don't flame me. It's just that what makes real Christianity so difficult, so inaccessible for so many, is that a lot of it is hard to get, which is why, I think, Christocracy has replaced Christianity as an American religion. Christocrats make comfortable sacrifices. Christians make sacrifices. Christocrats make policies that make sure other Christocrats comfortable. Cut taxes for the affluent, instead of taxing tham more, which would support the less affluent by making more money available to build their neighborhoods and schools. Make abortion illegal, birth control harder to get, support abstinence-based sex education, and make it more difficult for unmarried people (heterosexual or homosexual) to adopt, instead of encouraging responsible sexual behavior with honest and accurate sex education, placing parentless and unwanted children with people who willingly want to and are able to parent. Take money away from public schools used more by working-and lower class people through school vouchers that support private schools, already supported by those who can afford it. And, as a result of decreasing quality of education, encourage crime as a means of survival, and create prison cities built by the prison industry, which becomes more privatized each year. Use violence as a means of achieving peace, or a way to discourage violent crime.

What, indeed, would Jesus do today? Who would he be? Would he be a pregnant teen, pregnant because she thought it couldn't happen the first time? Would he be a young Black gay man, a high school dropout who left school because he couldn't put up with being called faggot day after day? Would he be a Chinese immigrant coming to the U.S. in search of a better way to feed his family? A young White woman from a broken town in the Midwest, working as a prostitute, a runaway living on the street because it was better than being raped night after night by her mother's latest boyfriend? A crack baby raised by a gay male couple who have been together for 15 years? A young soldier from a working-class family who wanted to serve his country, but now isn't sure what he's fighting for, and when the fighting will end?

The life cycle includes death. Death is followed by life. What are we putting to death? And what are we giving life to?

When Justice Doesn't Equal Legal

2006-04-11T06:26:00.000-04:00

Bear with me, this may get a bit convoluted. As you may recall, December 2005 was not just Happy Birthday Jesus & Celebration of Mass Consumerism Month, but it also saw a three-day strike by New York City transit workers. For three days, millions of New Yorkers were forced to find alternate means of transportation because the subways and buses in Manhattan, the Bronx, Staten Island, Queens, and Brooklyn were shut down by striking workers. Offered what was to them a lousy contract, including having to pay into health care plans (crappy but legal) and changes to their pension plan (crappy and prohibited), they said "hell no, we won't go" to work.

Millions, including me, were inconvenienced. And yes, according to the Taylor Law, which loosely (very loosely) interpreted, prohibits employees in industries or service that are vital to the functioning of society (air traffic controllers, cops, transit workers) from work stoppage. Anyone found guilty of said work stoppage is subject to fines and jails. But, for most New Yorkers, the Taylor Law wasn't as profound as the sense of inconvenience. Who wanted to walk however-many miles in bitter cold (and there did happen to be a freeze just when the strike took place) to go to work? Who wanted to pay for a cab, or find a carpool to go to work? I didn't try either because I was still in a cast, and wouldn't be caught dead walking the 9 miles from home to my office. Who wanted to have to push back holiday shopping or find a car to fill already clogged streets to complete said holiday shopping? God knows little Man-Man, Jordan, Sean, Henry, Kyphon, Shaquaneesha, Heather, Rainbow, or Ling Ling Schwartz shouldn't have to do without their Xbox for Xmas. And, merchants, already struggling to pay high store rents by selling craptastic merchandise, were pissed off too. No buses means no one buying penis-engraved gold fronts (for y'all what don't know, fronts or grills are gold or platinum pieces fitted over the front teeth). And, somebody has to buy them joints.

On the other front (not for your teeth), the Feds want to clamp down on illegal immigration by making it officially a felony, subject to jail time. Although somebody has to clean those toilets, build those overpriced snap-set houses, play mammy to Ling Ling Schwartz so mommy can be all she can be out in the workforce, Americans, so-called real Americans, want to do the aforementioned jobs at twice the price our illegal friends will. Never mind that for good or bad, they support the economy by buying things and paying rent (stop acting like taxes are the only thing that support the economy -- if rich people paid taxes in any fair proportion, we wouldn't have this discussion), and by building and making the things other people make money off of, and don't always pay appropriate taxes on, and by providing services that allow higher classes to provide other services that either maintain or build the economy (remember, someone has to watch the baby while Mom and Dad make stock trades).

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not in favor of illegal behavior just because. I don't support illegal immigration, but if America does such a good job of spreading the gospel of the good life in America (and that's what brought my mother here from the Caribbean), then we can't expect that people won't want to come. And it's pure racism that clamped down on immigration of black and brown people (Africans, Caribbeans, Mexicans, in particular) versus whites (Irish, eastern Europeans), according to the Immigration and Nationalization Act of 1965, which set a higher cap for white immigrants. I'm also not in favor of non-English speakers not learning English, simply because there are basic things you must understand English in order to accomplish -- did you know that a potential driver can take the New York State writtin drivers' exam in languages other than English?

There are times when justice, defined as the quality of being impartial or fair, isn't the same as legal. Transit Workers' Union president Roger Toussaint was sentenced for sanctioning a strike by transit workers. The strike wasn't legal, but just. Immigration, legal or otherwise, is inconvenient, but done by people seeking a better way of life for themselves and their families. It may not always be legal, but it is just. And are we not interested in justice, or are we simply interested in what's legal?

Questions, Questions, and More Questions

2006-03-31T01:05:00.000-05:00

Is it possible to create a salient piece composed only of questions?

Is anyone even interested?

Why haven't I been able to write?

Is it because there have been so many horrible, or at least to me, things to write about that I became overwhelmed?

Was it my almost annual midwinter frustration?

Was it distress over turning 40 and not being completely satisfied?

Or was it a growing disinterest in writing, not because I dislike writing, but because there were too many subjects, too little time, and too much to be said?

Was it because other things, including my relationship, my non-paying but fulfilling and often maddening other job, my paying but fill-in-the-blank job, my physical and emotional health, got in the way?

Was it because so many others have the same things to say, in ways that seem so much more eloquent than mine, and therefore that which I would say seemed useless?

Is it possible that I simply need a gigantic leap of faith, or that I need just a little faith, period?

Is it that my fear of everything threatens to choke me like ivy, beautiful and romantic, but really bad because it grows into the pipes in your house and can break them, leaving you with a fucked-up reconstruction ahead of you?

Or do I just need to suck it up?

Is it possible that I've been way too disappointed by the risks I've taken in the past, and don't wish to invest so much this time around?

Is it possible that I really don't have anything significant to say?

Is it possible that this is really nothing more than a quasi-connected stream of consciousness?

Is it?

What the hell was I talking about in the first place?

Poised for Greatness

2006-03-09T12:39:00.000-05:00

I do very few "commercials," if you will, but every now and then, I come across something that must be shared.

If you ever have the chance, check out IllumiNation. The only way to describe them and what they do is special.

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Straight From The Headlines

2006-02-17T13:20:00.000-05:00

And now, my favorite: the WTF News. Stolen from Yahoo's Oddly Enough News, you really can't make this stuff up.

Give Up The Leg and No One Will Get Hurt
Yeah, that was in poor taste, but this story is just nutty. A California teen has had her prosthetic legs stolen. AGAIN. Thieves had previously broken in and stole an older prosthesis, which was later found in the backyard. Not sure why she didn't have either one on (she has one for daily use and one for playing softball). The girl's mom went to the daughter's bedroom, which she shares with her sister,found it a mess, and discovered the legs gone. Just how did that conversation go?
"Honey, you two are little pigs. By the way, where are your legs?"
"Gee, Mom, I don't know. They were in my room this morning." Say what you want about me, but there's something wrong on multiple levels here, especially after reading that after the first theft, the family got a donation of $16,000 for a new leg.

Krazy Karaoke
Vietnam recently banned alcohol in all karaoke bars and discos, and will require them to shut down at midnight. A nine-month period of inspections of these joints turned up about 600 patrons using ecstasy and 60 women offering stripteases (but no sex in the champagne room). Nine months and only 600 people did E? They need to go to one circuit party in New York to catch that kind of show. I've always said karaoke requires a little courage and a lot of alcohol, so I'm sure the next piece of news will be the death of the karaoke trend in Vietnam.

Cherries or Cherry-Flavored Paper?
In sad-but-true-but-not-that-sad news, the state of Washington has harvested enough marijuana to make it the state's 8th highest agricultural commodity -- higher than the state's famed cherries. Whenever I've watched a Cops-like program where the narcs burn a big pot harvest, I've never seen one of them wear a mask. Pass the dutchie 'pon de left-hand side!

A Tiger Turd A Day Keeps Most things Away
Australian researchers have discovered that tiger crap repels most wild animals that destroy valuable crops, including wild goats and pigs. Is it the chemicals in the poo or is it the poo-inducing fear that a tiger may be in the area that keeps them away?

Kiss Yo' Ass and Yo' Freedom Away
And back to the Pacific Northwest we go, for the craziest piece of news. Under Oregon's three strikes law, a man will spend the rest of his life in prison for delivering an unwanted kiss. Now, this isn't even funny; it's just sick. A former sex offender, with nine cases, he went to appeals court to overturn the life sentence, arguing that the neck isn't an intimate area. What the hell was he thinking?

Whoo. I'm telling you, truth is stranger than fiction. Y'all have a good weekend.

Love Actually

2006-02-14T07:01:00.000-05:00

Love Actually is one of my favorite romantic comedies. It's a mess. Seriously. The movie looks at several couples, each with their own mess. And the couples are all different; one couple is actually not a couple in the traditional sense, but a washed-up hack of a rock star, aged by time and weathered by hard living, and his manager, a soft-in-the-middle guy who'd probably be a blue collar worker if he didn't become a rock manager. Neither of them ever married, but spent the majority of their adult lives together. SPOILER ALERT! At the end of the movie, the rocker admits to his "fat, ugly" manager that he really is the love of his life, never having allowed himself real intimacy past the occasional "blonde bouncing on his balls."

Then, there's the office workers, an American living in London, taking cell phone calls from her mental hospital-resident brother at any moment of the day or night, who is desperately in love with the hot art director, who is desperately in love with her. Her devotion is to her schizophrenic brother alone, leaving her painful-to-watch lonely, but you get it anyway.

I decided that I would indeed do what so many do on Valentine's Day, and write about love. But, I plan to not to write about red roses and schlocky cards (which I admit to buying), but rather about messy love, imperfect love, untraditional love. I plan to keep screaming about America's current obsession with love (and sex, really) until America lets go of its obsession with love (and sex).

Bill Frist recently announced his plans to reintroduce a Constitutional amendment called the "Protection of Marriage" Act, which is supposed to be the final nail in the coffin on same-sex marriage. It's supposed to do what the GOP thinks DOMA doesn't do. Today, in New York City, and other cities across the nation, rallies are being held in support of marriage equality, which goes beyond same-sex marriage. The rhetoric to counter marriage equality is the same foolishness tossed around forever: "gays don't marry, they only hook up for sex," "if gays marry, then what's next, marrying your pet?" "the institution of marrige will crumble if we allow gays to marry." Bollocks.

The message of Love Actually is that what we think makes a relationship, or who we think we should be involved with, or who others think we should be involved with, how others view us and our "love-worthiness" is bollocks (nonsense, for the non-Anglophiles). Love isn't like the movies. Love doesn't always work out. Love sometimes makes sacrifices. People who love you will betray you. Love is sometimes horse manure; when it first hits the scene, it stinks. Leave it alone, put it on your lawn, and watch how thick and green your grass will grow.

So, on this day set aside for spending more than necessary on flowers and candy, for corny cards and sappy sentiments, I wish you love. I wish you the kind of love that occasionally, but only occasionally, sucks. I wish you love that makes people nervous because they don't get it. I wish you love that you'd take or give a bullet for. I wish you love that pulls the rug out from under you, but makes you want to hurry and stand up, and be strong in it. I wish you Love, actually.

With Death, There is Life

2006-02-07T17:10:00.000-05:00

As many around the country and around the world mourn the loss of Coretta Scott King, I am thankful that her homegoing did not ignore her support of rights for all people, including lesbians and gays. I'm trying REALLY hard to avoid yet another of my rants about the crap we take.

Instead, I want to see the glass as half-full. I want to believe my own words that in death there is life. Life and death really are cyclical, after all. Dead and decaying plants and animals become part of the soil and water from which plants and animals come that sustain life. I once heard someone share their enjoyment, for lack of a better word, of obituaries because they are the only source of a person's story, from birth to death. Out of their death, we learn about their life.

I want to believe that even in the senseless brutality that steals the life from our babies, we who remain here are reminded of our responsibility, from social service workers, to relatives, to community members, to politicians, to make sure our children have a chance to live and live well.

I want to believe that the violence, physical and spiritual, committed by those in the name of their deity, no matter what the deity's name is, forces us to question what we believe, even makes us muster up the courage to accept that what we believe is wrong, and that the violence committed in the name of what we believe, be it in the form of physical attacks, discriminatory policies, denial of housing, the right to raise children who would otherwise go unwanted and unloved, employment, and healthcare, cease and desist.

I want to believe that 100% of our culture, whether it's hip hop, lifestyles of the rich and infamous, the Christocrats or the lunatic fringe, can not be defined or engraved upon us by 5% of the populace.

I want to believe that my being Black, or being an out lesbian doesn't make me Public Enemy #1. I'm not interested in shakin' what my mama gave me, stealing your purse, sex with my partner for your benefit, or recruiting your child.

I want to believe that I don't have to be a millionaire to be able to buy a home in an area of the country that not only provides me access to the advantages of urban life, but also insulates me from potential harm as an out lesbian. Conversely, I want to believe that should I choose to move to an area where I can afford to live comfortably because it has a lower cost of living that I won't have to worry about a cross-burning on my lawn because I'm Black, or harassment because I'm gay.

I want to believe that I'm not the only one who believes that God, in the person of Jesus Christ, said whosever includes the poor, the person of color, the woman, and the gay or lesbian person. And, I want to believe that I have the courage to say that out loud even if I don't have the permission to.

I want desperately to believe that CHANGE IS COMING!

I Wish a @#$%^&*@#% Would!

2006-02-03T16:24:00.000-05:00

I know it sounds funny, and it is, on one hand, but not really. Read this for what has got to be the saddest thing I've heard in a long time.

But, my title is what it is because, in urbanspeak, I wish a blankety-blank would try some foolishness at a dignitary's funeral. Lord, save me from your people.

It's Friday!

2006-02-03T13:35:00.000-05:00

And I have a buncha things to talk about, so let's get crack-a-lackin'.

Free Speech or Discreet Speech?
By now, you've probably heard about the cartoon that appeared in several European papers, with the original appearing about four months ago, according to accounts, that has set the Muslim world on edge. The Prophet Muhammad is shown wearing a bomb-shaped turban (and I've seen it; it really is a bomb, complete with smoking fuse). A response cartoon was recently printed, and deities representing Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam were shown, sittin' on clouds up in heaven, with the Muslim deity looking pouty. The caption above what is supposed to be the Christian deity (I couldn't tell because all the characters were White men) says "Relax, Mohammed, we were all caricatured" and this cartoon appears under the headline "Yes, we have the right to make fun of God." I agree with the headline, and to an extent, I agree with the caption. What I find offensive is that many of us are crying foul over what seems to be a question of free speech; i.e. is is censorship to choose not to print something potentially offensive, versus what actually is offensive, and that is the portrayal of a common stereotype of Muslims, that of a bomb-toting terrorist. I can't speak to the violation of Sharia, which prohibits the depiction of Muhammad in any way, good or bad, because it may lead to idolatry, because I'm not Muslim, nor am I particularly familiar with Sharia. I can say that if in America, we find buck-eyed, big-lipped cartoons of Blacks offensive, or even the supposed coincidence that the crooks in video games such as Grand Theft Auto all happen to be Black (and one version of the game had Hatians as the crooks) offensive, or if the only gay men we find comfortable watching are the scheming, mincing, effeminate ones like Jack from "Will & Grace" versus man's man Ennis Del Mar from "Brokeback Mountain," then why shouldn't Muslims be offended by the most important figure in their religion being portrayed as a terrorist? I don't believe in censorship, but maybe a little discretion.

Sour Grapes or Sweet Touch?
New York high school basketball player Epiphanny Prince scored 113 points in a game that was a colossal blowout (final score was 137-32). Okay, so I'd be a little mad if I came to see my kid play and her team (yeah, EP is a girl) was trounced, but more is being made of why she wasn't taken out of the game than I think should be. Hello, has anyone ever watched a pro game? Yeah, we bellyache about "player selfishness" later, but every coach wants to win, and every play leader, be it the quarterback in football, or the point guard in basketball, has to find the point maker in the game. You always make sure the ball goes to the person with the hot hand. Get over it. Even the losing team marveled at the kid's luck that night. Move on. Concentrate on something more important like how your kid will pay for college.

Resting in Peace?
Coretta Scott King's funeral (or homegoing service, as we in the church like to call it) will be held not at Atlanta's famed Ebenezer Baptist Church, the church home of her late husband and his father, but at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, where youngest daughter, Bernice King, is one of the pastors. Not a big deal, on its face, but New Birth is one of the largest megachurches in the state, and sponsored a march from the King Center to denounce same-sex marriage, in contrast to Mrs. King's public support of LGBT rights. I respect the choice of location for whatever reasons, including the size of the church (at least 10,000, but don't get me started on the megachurch phenom), but am disappointed that it will inevitably spark the kind of controversy that casts an even greater pall over her loss.

We're Screwed!
Hmm, where do I begin? The Supreme Court has officially swung right, although it seems that Alito's first case put him a little left-of-right. Bush, Mr. Former Oilman from Texas, simultaneously pisses off the oil barons of Alaska and Texas for wagging a scolding finger at Americans for their addiction to oil, and the greenies who've long criticized our over-dependence on fossil fuels (nah nah nah nah NAH nah), and says days later that consumers shouldn't expect any price breaks on the same fuel we're hooked on. He'd make a helluva crack slinger; keep 'em hooked on the product and raise the price anyway. Bravo. Bend over, kids.

Special Place in Hell
Two more kids in New York City are dead courtesy of their parents. Puppies are being used to smuggle drugs into the country, as if human mules weren't bad enough. Wow. There really is a special place in hell for these perpetrators.

And on a lighter note...
It seems that tickets for the Winter Olympics in Turin (or Torino; I can't keep it straight) are still available. Guess not too many folks are rushing to travel across the globe to freeze their asses off watching people carry on in the same snow and ice they've left at home (although, in fairness, the Northeast has been blessedly snow-free, which my still weak ankle appreciates). Gotta say though, I might be inclined to sit in the audience watching BROTHA MAN speedskate. Boy, I know some whitefolks is mad as hell right now -- tennis, hockey, what in the hell will the coloreds do next, synchronized swimming?

Well, that's plenty fo this episode. Tune in next time, when we ask the immortal question, what is this thing called, love?

Are You Serious?

2006-02-02T13:14:00.000-05:00

Straight from the "You've Lost Your Complete Mind" files, comes this gem. A Colorado pastor, opposing same-sex marriage, said this:

"We can have it (love). We are all called to have that love even when it hurts us, even when it hurts others..."

So I'm not accused of completely taking his quote out of context, unlike your average Bible-quoter, he starts out by saying that his group, Coloradans for Marriage, opposes same-sex marriage and claims its motivation is "the love of a mother, the gentle guidance of a caring father" to preserve marriage and protect children.

Whoa. I don't need love that hurts, thank you. Love that hurts is what kills.

WAKE UP!!!!

2006-01-31T07:51:00.000-05:00

Today, we mourn the loss of Coretta Scott King, the widow of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Mrs. King was 78 years old. She never fully recovered or regained her strength following a stroke and heart attack last year. God bless the dead.

Earlier this month, New York mourned the loss of Nixmary Brown, a 7-year-old brutally beaten to death by her stepfather, who said the child deserved it. Today, the legendary Boys Choir of Harlem will lose their full-time school home, also known as the Choir Academy, as punishment for leader Walter Turnbull's mismanagement, including questionable handling of funds and keeping an alleged child molester on staff.

Following the airing of what I think was one of the best and most honest, or "realest" in urbanspeak, episodes of Cartoon Network's "The Boondocks," the network apologized to people who might have been offended by the episode, called "The Return of The King," a quasi-spoof that featured a shot Dr. King not murdered as reported, but awakening from a nearly 30-year coma only to express outrage at what has become a mockery of a holiday with contentious beginnings, that of his birthday.

How do these seemingly unconnected events actually connect? Walk with me. What offended some (and only some) viewers of The Boondocks was that the King holiday has become just another three-day weekend, complete with excuses to party on Sunday since there's no work on Monday. Drop it like it's hot for Dr. King. The understandably angry civil rights leader lights into predominantly-Black and Latino party goers for triflin' (urbanspeak for thoughtless, lazy, and irresponsible) behavior; careless sex, living beyond our financial means with luxury vehicles parked on filthy streets in front of crime-ridden projects, making sure our children have the latest electronics and expensive sneakers instead of making sure they perform well in school. The Boys Choir of Harlem is poised on the brink of leaving behind a legacy of Black power gone wrong with thievery and broken trust, instead of a history of taking young Black men out of lousy situations, training them to deliver music to soothe the soul and expanding their horizons through travel and performance opportunities in front of world leaders. Children born to ill-prepared and ill-equiped parents, and mostly Black and Latino parents, are mistreated; nay, tortured to death, with neighbors doing little to help, or if they do report a problem, receiving little support for intervention. It's as though the dream died before it had a chance to become reality.

Sorry for the triteness of that last statement, but perhaps sentiment is better than what I really feel, which is flat-out pissed off. What have we done? Where are we going? For the gains people of color have made, Black people have made, too few of us have done much with it. Blacks wanted Mexican president Vicente Fox's head on a platter when he said Mexicans were willing to take crappy jobs American Blacks didn't want to take, but he was right. We were mad that he said it -- family can talk about family, but outsiders can't. A reborn MLK berated triflin' Black people for having their priorities wrong. Bill Cosby started a class war when he criticized Black parents for giving their children pseudo-African names they can't spell, much less barely say, and for putting hundred-dollar sneakers on their feet while they live in the ghetto. I say too damn bad. You shouldn't be offended by what was said, but that it's true. What happened to wanting something better?

I'm not saying I don't enjoy a good party because I do. Nor am I saying I haven't bought an expensive thing or gone out to eat or traveled when I should have saved the money. I'm saying that my bills are paid, I don't plan to have kids I can't manage, and if God forbid, I was suddenly unemployed and the only job I could get was cleaning a toilet, I'd cry and clean.

I'm taking a big risk by publicly saying what I am. I'll be labeled a sellout, an Uncle Tom, a house nigger, an elitist, classist, maybe even racist. I've been told I don't deserve to wear my hair in locks because I called the cops on a Black man breaking the law in front of my house (Blacks don't tell, or snitch, on other Blacks). I'm just tired, damn it. I'm tired of the buffoonery. I'm tired of defending my people to real racists who think buffoonery is typical Black behavior. I'm sick of kids who know every rap lyric, complete with sexual references, but can't tell you who the current President is, never mind who the 16th President was. I'm tired of fat Black women in ill-fitting clothes. I'm sick of Black women wearing skimpy or skintight clothes, turning themselves into instant sex objects, and I'm sick of Black men who create the need for those women to do so. I'm sick of Black men who refuse to wear a condom during sex, make a baby, and then turn around and act like they don't have responsibility. I'm sick of loud-talking, baggy pants and messy braids. I'm sick of criminal lifestyles as an ideal, and I'm equally sick of lazy wannabe Christians hanging on every word spewed by a Black preacher that has no redeeming quality whatsoever, but is held as truth because it was entertaining. I'm nauseated by Scripture spitters, believing that their long skirts, grace over a piece of gum, and service or Bible study five times a week makes them supposedly superior while they ignore the homeless and hungry who live among them. I'm disgusted by huge architectural works, filled with poor, oppressed Black people who are too stupid to recognize that something is wrong when you're still scraping two cents together to make sure the pastor's Escalade is sittin' on 20's, but he hasn't given you tool-the-first to help you change your sorry life.

I'm sad. I'm angry. And I'm gonna borrow from the last words uttered by Dap, in the movie "School Daze." WAKE UP!!!

You Never Forget, and Probably Shouldn't

2006-01-20T12:05:00.000-05:00

My blogiverse sistah, Angry Black Bitch, just got her first "nigger" comment. I didn't attach the link to make this cornhole famous, but to say a big fuck you and have a nice day to those who say Black people are too sensitive about race. The discussion about "nigger" versus "nigga" doesn't apply here, so I'll save my thought on that for another time. The point is that in 2006, it is still acceptable for someone, anyone, to use the word nigger as an insult. Ah, how it does take me back.

The year was 1975. I was in 3rd grade at P.S. 133, a mostly-White school in Bellerose, Queens. It was late in the school year, around May, and it was lunchtime. I brought my lunch to school in an "Apple's Way" lunchbox (okay, I admit I was into Leif Garrett at the time), so the cold lunch kids ate in the auditorium. I don't remember what the topic of discussion was, but I do remember disagreeing with some stupid ass White boy, who responded to my dissent by calling me a Black cookie. No, it wasn't nigger, but it was bad enough that when I was able to speak about it, and not until many years later, my mother was apalled. Apalled that it happened, and that I didn't tell her the same day.

Fast forward to the last day of school following 7th grade. J.H.S. 172 in Floral Park, Bellerose's neighbor, wasn't exactly friendly ground for Black kids, especially the ones in the gifted class, like me. It wasn't as if we were taking a beat down every day, but the resentment from the parents of these kids, and some of the older kids, was pretty obvious. The bell rang, and those of us that were bussed in, loaded up onto our busses, and pulled off from in front of the school. Within minutes, our busses were pelted with rocks, bricks, and bottles while nigger, nigger, nigger was spit at us. Every window was shattered. I went home with the blood from some kid's head on my favorite yellow skirt. Eventually, we made it out. Three kids from the neighborhood, including the older brother of a kid I spent the last five years in elementary school with, were arrested, and given community service. The parents of these hoodlums tried to dismiss the incident as harmless, a prank gone wrong, nothing to take too seriously.

I've been called nigger a few times since then. A homeless guy called me a nigger bitch because I wouldn't give him any money. About a year ago, on my way home from the gym in the ultra-liberal Brooklyn nabe of Park Slope, I walked past another homeless guy, pushing his belongings in a cart. He asked if I planned to rob him, and I laughed no. He responded "That's what you niggers do, but you won't rob me." I responded "You're lucky I've just worked out my aggressions and that I'm a pacifist or I'd whip your pitiful ass."

You just never forget the best moments of your life, or the worst. Some things that happened decades ago, like my nearly-forty year old self remembering something that happened when I was 8, can be recalled with the clarity of five minutes ago. Some things you want to forget, and can't; you can't unlearn what you've already learned.

Some things we shouldn't forget. ABB said she won't take down that nasty comment because it's a reminder that mess like that still exists.

Damn.

Pacifist vs. Protectionist

2006-01-20T06:13:00.000-05:00

I consider myself a pacifist in the dictionary sense. I will not use violence as a way to solve my problems, nor do I believe that violence should be the first and only way to solve conflict. I strongly believe violence should be the absolute last means when all nonviolent attempts have failed. However, I am a protectionist (that's my own word). I will protect myself and my loved ones if necessary, but violence is the last method I will use.

Having made pacifist versus protectionst clear, I, like many, believe the five game suspension handed down by the NBA to the Knicks' Antonio Davis is a bit harsh. The story: Davis looked up to the stands where his wife and kids were sitting, and saw a fan grab her arm. He leapt up into the stands, but never hit anybody. He did get in the guy's face. The fan, Michael Axelrod, claims Kendra Davis got in his face, and there is possibly video out of Chicago to prove that. Additionally, there are blogs that list some of her antics while her husband played for Toronto, including a shouting match with former Knick Latrell Sprewell (but didn't that also happen with Spike Lee or some other fan, and don't hothead players and hothead fans exchange words in a hothead game?), and comments from her that Davis would seek a trade if things didn't improve (similar to comments from Mets' Kris Benson's wife made last year).

I believe Davis should be suspended, but I don't think five games was necessary. One or two game suspension, maybe, but not five, especially when he didn't touch the fan in question. I also don't think that Axelrod has a million-dollar case on his hands, and if it does get to court, chances are some kind of settlement will be on the table. I find it interesting that the parties in the increasing fan-player encounters in pro sports, or at least the high-profile ones, are White fans and Black athletes. And yeah, there are those that say Black people are too sensitive about race, and everything isn't about race. Okay, so riddle me this. Have we heard about Vlade Divac's wife or him having beer or debris thrown at him during a game? What about John Stockton? Brett Favre? Why was the mother of Washington Redskins' Clinton Portis attacked during the Eagles game? Incidentally, mama clocked the attacker, and rightfully so.

Again, I am a protectionist. I'm perfectly willing to take whatever punishment is due if I put my hands on someone, but I will only touch someone if I'm attacked or if my loved ones are. In a society that is hell-bent on proving its might versus doing what's right, the pacifists need to arm up some. The meek will inherit the earth, but will be a bit bloodied in the process.

No Day, but Today

2006-01-16T17:07:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to avoid the whole say something smart because today is MLK Day, even though I'm at work. And, I'm trying to avoid getting all preachy because it's almost unwritten that liberal, or liberal=leaning bloggers should say something quasi-preachy on such a day. No such luck. I'm gonna get preachy.

Last night's episode of The Boondocks, called "The Return of The King" was funny as hell, in normal Boondocks fashion, but also in Boondocks fashion, asked what would Dr. King think if he saw the state of Black America, or at least the state of Black America as Black America wants you to see it. Were the beatdowns, spitting-ons, hosing, and dog attacks all done so the respect for our culture by White America is not based on jazz, but gangsta rap? The beauty of Black woman either wrapped in suggestive or almost nonexistent clothing? The glorification of underground life led by hustlers, no more than clever thieves; drug dealers, and pimps, who are much more than fast-talking, boldly dressed clowns, but are exploiters of the lowest kind? Would Dr. King really want to mark the night before his commemoration with a special party at da club?

I live in a White neighborhood. Yeah, there are a few Blacks, and if you cross a particular avenue, the Italian and Irish families were replaced in the 1970's with Latino families who are still there. For the most part, though, my neighborhood is officially gentrified, which is a fancy word meaning two G's a month for a studio and a mill for a whole house, a 24-hour supermarket, a Starbucks around the corner, and a Barnes & Noble in walking distance. Whenever there is trouble of the loud argument, fight-about-to-break-out variety, it's usually involving the few Blacks still in the 'hood, or Blacks and Latinos who visit the 'hood. My Black ass pays way too much money to put up with even a minute's disturbance of the tranquility I pay so dearly for. Fuck your keepin' it real. If you were so interested in keepin' it real, your dumb ass wouldn't continue to live in the White man's community. But when I call the cops, I'm the one branded "un-Black" and it's a brand I've worn since childhood. You probably haven't heard the term "un-Black" but you've definitely heard the term "Oreo" -- White on the inside, Black on the outside.

Who says that Black means ill-fitting clothes; either five sizes too big or too small? Who decided that all Blacks should speak at top volume or play their music at top volume? Who said that an interest in books or education is a White thing? Why shouldn't I call the police if your conversation with your buddies outside my building at midnight disturbs me? And who was on the committee to decide what is Black?

The funny thing is that when Black History Month rolls around, we see the same faces of scientists, business leaders, artists and activists whose brilliance and elegance are used over and over to teach White and non-White children how wonderful Black people are. Even some of the clownse guilty of the crimes I mentioned before teach their kids about George Washington Carver and Benjamin Banneker and Martin Luther King. Yet, the actions don't meet with the sentiments. I'm not suggesting that all of us dress and act conservatively. Hell, I've had plenty of loud music in the car moments. I've had loud laugh sessions on my stoop on warm summer nights. I've even done a thing or two outside the law. I just don't think that junk-shaking and droppin' it like it's hot, or I'm swinging or shooting at you because I think you disrespected me is what "the dream" was about. We have to do better. Not because it makes us nice, or acceptable, or tolerable, but because, damn it, we should. The movie "Soul Plane" made millions, and I guess it should because it was funny. Strong story? No. Great acting? Absolutely not. Would I show it to an alien who wanted to know what Black life in America was like? Not in a million years. However, movies like "Love Jones," and "Once When We Were Colored" are virtually ignored. Go to a Broadway show, even one with what should be a decent Black following like The Lion King or an August Wilson play, and the audience is more White than Black. Please don't give me business about the high cost of tickets. Tourists from around the country and around the world stand on line at the Tkts booth in Times Square waiting for a chance to buy discount tickets. We're running, though, to see foolish My Big Mama Burnt The Chicken 'Cause She Was Prayin' I'd Find a Good Man dreck by the busload.

There is no day, but today, for us to aim higher. Some of my people are scraping the bottom, and there is nowhere to go but up. I just hope we get up soon.

See? Somebody Heard Me

2006-01-12T06:05:00.000-05:00

Even before I knew a holy theme park was in the works, God was listening to me. Even better, for once, my brain and mouth were in sync.

Didn't yo' mama tell you not to let your mouth write a check yo' behind can't cash?

Said I Wasn't Gonna Say Nothin'

2006-01-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

Okay. NBC has a sitcom called "The Book of Daniel" which features a preacher and his dysfunctional family, including a coupla queers, a drug dealin' kid and a relative who steals from the church. The show also features the padre having regular chats with Jesus, who, except for the long white robe, appears to be just an average dude. The American Family Association, champions of all things homogeneously Christian, is calling on members to pressure local NBC affiliates to not carry the show, and some are indeed opting not to. One affiliate claims his decision not to carry the show isn't because of content, but to protest what he calls strong-arm tacticts of the parent network.

Let me understand this. You're an affiliate of NBC. You're unhappy with the obligation to carry shows your owner, if you will, wants you to. I'll make some concessions here. I don't know how this works, but I'm thinking that if you refuse programming often enough, your affiliate relationship will be jeopardized. And, aren't you, small station manager, benefitting from your relationship with a larger network? If you're so unhappy with orders from the big bosses, why not sever ties and do your own thing? Oh, wait, I know why. Because your small station gets to take advantage of big advertising dollars. Betcha this cat won't refuse to carry something like the Super Bowl because he's afraid a boob will pop out. Sigh.

But never mind those small potatoes. Riddle me this. Why call yourself the American Family Association, or the Family Research Council, or Concerned Women for America, or blah blah blah America when you're not interested in representing all of America? What's up with the sanitizing and Christianizing of America? Do these people really think that there will be no more gays and lesbians if other gays and lesbians never see themselves in magazines or on television? Do they really believe that seeing less sex on television make people less inclined to have sex? How did we all get here before television if no one was having sex? Does criminalizing abortion mean women won't have them? Or get pregnant? And where are these women so concerned for America when all these babies are born? Are they lining up to adopt? No? Okay.

Then, why is it that homo-haters are always busted soliciting gay sex? And I'm not talkin' about just trying to get a boyfriend. I'm talkin' about chasing down anonymous sex in a bathroom or trolling for male hookers. We've always said that the ones who yell faggot the loudest usually are.

And, why is Pat Robertson still allowed to speak? Between him and Jerry Falwell, he's really making Christians sound dumber than dirt. Why isn't Israel knocking on his Virginia doors and whoopin' his ass for saying that Ariel Sharon's stroke is God vengeance for trying to create peace between Israel and Palestine? And why are people taking Jim Dobson seriously? Weren't we convinced he was a horse's ass with the Teletubbies and Spongebob fiascos? Now he's targeting Barbie? He needs to tell Mattel to put some meat on Barbie's bones.

And, Fred Phelps (I'm not calling him Reverend because there is little reverent about him), who can't let a day go by without a protest, is now targeting soldiers' funerals. You heard me correct. The same guy who thinks the king of Sweden "looks all slutty and gay" plans to start his God Hates Fags crusade at the funerals of American soldiers who died protecting America. He's protesting because America harbors gays, and the death of soldiers is God's wrath for doing so. He's joining the so-called religious folk who blame natural disasters across the globe on homosexuality.

Mama said she wasn't gonna say nothin, because she needs to keep her head on somethin, but I can't hold my tongue. At what point does the media stop giving these crackpots a mic? Don't we ignore tantrum-throwing children in the hope that they'll get bored with their tirade and zip it? We can't, Constitutionally, shut them up, but we can opt to ignore them. why, in the name of all things holy, do they still get media attention? If only 20 or so percent of American Christians identify as evangelicals, why is the remaining 80% not screaming at them to shut the holy hell up? Do they have that much power?

Oh, my sweet Lord, help me.

As The Clock Winds Down...

2005-12-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, so last year's year-end post was called "As the Year Ends." But, with not so much difference between last year and this, what other title is there?

Today's New York Times was pretty full of the mishmosh of subjects I'm thinking about as 2005 ends. Nickelodeon, the kids' network, has launched "sliming" in China, as well as Spongebob. New York's Transit Workers Union are named as victors in the class war following last week's transit strike. In other news, the American Family Association, the ultra conservatives has decided that since Ford Motor Company came to its senses and told them to shove off, they're going after NBC. And I'm listening to one of my all-time favorite CDs, "Red, Hot, + Blue," the first compilation CD fundraiser to fight AIDS, on my iriver MP3 player -- WHO NEEDS AN IPOD!

What's the point? The cultural war is getting crazier. The government admits that spying on activist groups, even by posing as a protester to get footage of lawful protests, is okay. A small group of people is relentless in its attempt to sanitize and homogenize American culture while American culture is rapidly spreading itself across the globe. The game of big business, once played only in the office, has spread out into government, with more and more politicians coming from the billionare boys club -- why run for office on a grassroots ticket when you can buy enough advertising and pay top dollar for the best strategists in the business to guarantee success. And, once in office, run every aspect of government like a business, squeezing revenue out of every little corner, even if it means a few million people are affected. Make people who are willing to be spat on and vilified for standing up for themselves bad guys. Turn the populace against them by reminding them just how inconvenienced their soft, pink, overfed selves have become because they have to incorporate some real work into their lives. China's acceptance of Nick programming is based on the exclusion of things like burping and farting, in keeping with its emphasis on rigor and propriety, as opposed to the slack-jawed, lazy, computer-driven indulgence our kids are intimate with.

It feels like life is becoming more difficult with eash passing year. I'm not trying to be a downer; on the contrary, I have a lot to be thankful for, and I'm still pretty happy. My relationship is great. My foot and ankle are on the mend, and I'm pretty sure my wish for matching shoes by January 1 will be fulfilled. I'm about to soil myself in fear, for I'm preparing a large project, larger than I've ever done on my own, but it's really significant for my other career. The truth, however, is that as grand as my life is, the world is rapidly changing, and I'd like to hold on to the adage that things get worse before they get better.

So, here's hoping that 2006 will indeed be a happy new year, and that things will get better. Here's hoping that all of us have more money than we need, but not more than we want, health that goes past external perfection, joy that is more than material, and love that lives above the waist more often than below. Here's hoping that our government will spend more time preserving the liberty, justice, and well-being of all, and not just the most desirable.

Here's hoping that, in the immortal words of Cole Porter, from this moment on, you & I, babe, will be ridin' high, babe.

SteeeeeeeeeeeeeRIKE!

2005-12-20T08:46:00.000-05:00

The MTA has gone on strike. That means no city buses or subways, but commuter trains (Metro North, Long Island Railroad) and Jersey rails are running. About 7 million folks are affected. And I'm sure the nice folks who ride the pretty commuter trains aren't happy about having extra riders glom on to their morning commute.

Yuck. I'm telecommuting, and then I'm on vacation. You just can't keep pissing people off and not expect them to react.

Happy trails, y'all.

Pause for The Cause

2005-12-17T20:29:00.000-05:00

Greetings, blogiverse dwellers. Apologies for not posting in quite a while, but I'm about to get chin deep in a major project with an even more major turnaround that I'll encourage you to support once it's done, so y'all won't hear from me for a minute (actually, not until after the first of the year).

Peace & blessings to all. Like The Jacksons sang so many years ago, give love on Christmas (SUBSTITUTE YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY OCURRING THIS TIME OF YEAR HERE IF YOU PREFER) Day.

Ho, Ho, Ho, 'ho!

2005-12-06T19:30:00.000-05:00

It's the holiday season, and you're about to pimp yo'sef for some Chri'mas gear. I don't usually write about Christmas, but what the hell?

As my gift to you, and hopefully you'll return the favor, here are my favorite Christmas indulgences, in no particular order.

1. Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa." BBT's at his skanky best in this movie, playing a drunk with a penchant for anal sex with fat women who, along with his little person sidekick, travels the country getting himself hired as a department store Santa, along with aforementioned little person as Santa's elf helper. It's the perfect movie for unrepentant Scrooges. Honorable mention goes to "Friday After Next." Surprisingly clever, not really a sequel, this is the third of the Ice Cube-penned "Friday" movies, that aren't all that connected except for Craig, the main character, his South Central L.A./Watts/Compton community, and copious amounts of sticky icky.

2. "A Christmas Story." A young boy wants nothing more for Christmas than a Red Ryder B.B. gun, and each verbalized request earns him the following response: "You'll put your eye out." I won't spoil the ending, but will tell you that one of the funniest moments in moviedom, in my opinion, is when the boy's best friend, on a cold December day in the Midwest, sticks his tongue to a metal pole on a dare, and has to be rescued by the fire department. See it -- I triple dog dare ya.

3. "Love Actually." This is one of my favorite movie types, the British romantic comedy (yes, "Four Weddings and a Funeral" is one of my top five faves). I love the self-deprecating, subtle sense of humor the British have, and that this movie isn't really a Christmas movie; i.e. it isn't about redemption or peace on earth. Christmas is a backdrop for the relationship struggles each character undergoes, and is punctuation for the sometimes unpleasant reality of love. A husband relentlessly pursued by his secretary, his wife relegated to making costumes for their daughter who plays the Christmas lobster (yes, you heard correct), a woman who can't get her freak on with a guy she's been pining after because her brother, a schizophrenic in a mental hospital, keeps calling her cell phone, a loser who thinks the reason he can't get lucky is because he's only pursuing British girls so he sets off to America for Christmas to bonk American girls. And, yes, there are sweet sappy storylines, including the guy whose best friend marries the girl of his dreams -- his, not his buddy's.

4. Classic Christmas cartoon specials, including "How The Grinch Stole Christmas," "Frosty The Snowman," "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," and the irreplaceable "Charlie Brown Christmas." Everything else pales in comparison for sheer sappy Christmas joy.

5. Christmas in New York's midtown. I have mixed feelings about trying to navigate the streets of midtown (I work across the street from Radio City), working my way through school kids and seniors coming in by the busload for the Radio City Christmas Spectacular (honorable mention for the whole live Nativity scene, complete with reading of "A Solitary Life"), but seeing the tree at Rockefeller Center, walking past the animatronics in the windows of stores like Saks just makes even the hardest hard-ass turn to mush.

6. A purposeful pushing together of friends and family. Forgive the cliche, and please don't think me insensitive for ignoring the higher than usual rate of suicide during the holiday season, but it seems that most of us don't reach out to people we love as much as we could, and the warm 'n fuzzyness of the season makes us.

Happy holidays. Don't go into debt over gifts. Enjoy the joy. It's really enough.

No More Chick Flicks Ever!

2005-12-04T19:46:00.000-05:00

I figured out a long time ago that I was no garden-variety chick. I like pedicurres, but hate manicures. I'll only allow my partner to do my hair, and shopping isn't supposed to be an all-day affair, even with rest breaks and a food court.

I simply hate chick flicks, movies that are either marketed specifically to women, or have a storyline that appeal heavily to women. I like the occasional romantic comedy, but it has to be smart, somewhat complex. I like British romantic comedies, but modern stories, not period pieces based on some great sappy classic by a long-dead, pale-faced, sex-starved waif in petticoats. I even like gay romantic comedies, but not because I'm gay, but because there's enough conflict to make the relationship interesting. However, I draw the line at movies that are based on tragedy-as-redemption, mother-daughter vehicles. I saw "The Joy Luck Club" but never have to see it again. Same for "Steel Magnolias" and "The Ya-Ya" hoo ha. I didn't see "The Piano" because facing two hours of a mute playing the piano and a kind-hearted roughhouse love of her life wasn't at all appealing (not to mention the possibility of seeing Harvey Keitel's ass). I fear "Memoirs of a Geisha," no matter how popular the book was, will be another of those tear-jerkers that I just can't do.

I can't watch these movies because I lived my own mother-daughter adolescent hell. I managed to get through it, and forgive my mother for being a raving lunatic (please, God, let it have been menopause and not her being a witch), so that we can have a decent relationship. Not only that, but some of these women deserve a swift kick in the pants, and I'm just frustrated through the whole thing. And my darling Telios watches and watches them over and over again.

She doesn't limit herself to dramas, either. She also tortures me with "Bring It On," "Bring It On Again," "Miss Congeniality," and the ones with Reese Witherspoon playing the sorority girl who becomes a Harvard Law grad. I know it's because she works a demanding job, and likes the escapism, but I need a different kind of escapism. I need material that is so far removed from my own life that I can fully immerse myself in it and escape so far that I need frequent flyer miles to pay for the trip back.

I guess I just have to accept that I'm definitely not a guy, and will happily skip floaters like "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" or the "American Pie" movies. But I also happily boast to the world that I hate chick flicks.

Give me a marathon of "Matrix" movies any day.

Um, Isn't this Illegal?

2005-12-02T06:59:00.000-05:00

It has come to light that the U.S. is paying for good press. According to an article, the government is planting stories in the Iraqi press that make the U.S. intervention in Iraq look positive to Muslims who aren't convinced.

Actually, the answer to the question in my title is that it is illegal in the U.S., but we're not talking about a U.S. based action. The current administration keeps portraying itself as a global arbiter of morality, but only talks a good game (and not that well, actually). And if you question the correctness of such an action, you're a heretic, unpatriotic, or worse, a terrorist.

When are we gonna stop drinkin' the kool-aid?

Remembrance

2005-12-01T07:12:00.000-05:00

It's December 1, World AIDS Day. Since its recognition in 1981, more than 25 million people have died. Last year, the UN reported approximately 3 million worldwide died of AIDS-related illness, and approximately 4 million became infected with HIV, the virus believed to cause AIDS. I don't want to be maudlin, but there is a serious situation -- AIDS has become the deadliest illness in history.

The face of AIDS changed through the years. When the New York Times first reported a mysterious occurrence of fatal rare cancers, they were seen in White homosexual (that's what we are in the papers) men. When I first had my own introduction to it, it was in 1983, with the still taboo death of one of my favorite cousins, Mickey. As far as we all knew, Mickey wasn't gay or bisexual. He was married with two kids. Mickey weighed about 300 pounds at his lightest. When he was buried, he weighed about 125. And although I knew lots of men who died soon after we learned of their HIV status, I was deeply affected by a woman who died. Doctors didn't immediately figure out what she had, even though her won-through-sobriety honesty made her share that she had been an IV drug user. My partner could tell you many sweet stories about the final years of her cousin's life, a woman infected by a cheating, drug-using husband.

Many of my friends live with HIV through medication. A few could stand to clean up their act; stop drinking so much and doing so many drugs, using a condom every time they have sex, especially bottoms. And many are negative.

Judgment around AIDS has changed some. Referring to a widowed partner of many years as a "close friend" or ignored altogether doesn't happen that much. Blaming the victim from the pulpit during the obituary doesn't happen that much.

I won't be maudlin, and I won't be sad. Sure, I've lost friends. A young man who was part of my wedding is gone. An old choir director is gone. Gifted writers, activists. Talented singers. People who made me laugh. People who lived life to the fullest.

And here in New York, December 1 has been declared Rosa Parks Day. In honor of her bus action on December 1, the seat behind the driver is supposed to be left empty (which has already been ignored on my morning bus ride). Although slightly disappointed that neither World AIDS Day or Rosa Parks Day will get their full attention simply because they both deserve pointed recognition, I'm comfortable blending the two. Mrs. Parks couldn't know that her simple act would be the one (as there had already been arrests of Blacks who sat in the front of the bus) that became the catalyst for change, and that it would take place on a day that would become the one day that we each can think of how a simple act such as protecting ourselves during sex or drugs can become a catalyst for change.

In memoriam and honor, below are the names of just a few people I want to remember.

Winston Michael Mendez
Roger Carroway
Dwayne McKinley
James Moody
Tony Teal
William Cox
Bert Hunter
Rory Buchanan
Craig Harris
Debra DeSeane Isom
Betty King
Jaysane Wright

Storytelling

2005-11-30T19:40:00.000-05:00

Someone once said to me that she liked reading obituaries because they were the only thing that ever told any person's complete, or nearly complete, story. On a macro scale, that's very true when you look at the history of the world and the history of America (the kind you learn in school), especially when you look at the story of Black folk and LGBT/SGL folk.

It becomes really important that forgotten or overlooked groups tell their stories. Arguments about their validity or how well a particular story represents this type or that are relevant, but what is more relevant is that the story is told.

Sure, conservatives would like us to believe that their worldview (Christian, middle class, White, heterosexual) is the only one that counts, and so feel-good words like "family friendly" and "decency" are thrown around. People want to believe they are good, even when they aren't. People want you to believe they always do the right thing, are polite and considerate -- in another post I'll share my experiences of using mass transit while in a cast and walking with a cane. So, anything that detours from a sanitized, homogenous worldview is deemed indecent, bad, even when it's something as benign as lesbian parents in Vermont featured on a PBS show for children.

Thank God for cable t.v. A pay-to-watch option, cable t.v. has created opportunities for stories that might never see light to do so. Some stories aren't for everyone; I don't think that grisly crime scene shows are for children, but your kids shouldn't be watching t.v. after 9pm, they should be in bed. And, yes, shows with sophisticated sexual themes should be aired after 10pm, for the same reasons. Don't watch if you're offended, but don't tell me I don't have the right to. I need to know that a story of interest to me is available. And so, kudos to (in no particular order):

1. Showtime's "Queer As Folk" and "The L Word." No, as a Black lesbian, I don't see myself in either cast, but I see myself occasionally, and people I know. The characters shouldn't be seen as gay everymen or lesbian everywomen. For the most part, they're composites, but at least they're showing some aspect of lesbian and gay life that might not ever be seen.

2. The movie "The Ski Trip" and the Logo comedy "Noah's Arc." Both feature all-Black casts, with Black gay storylines. Again, they're not me or my friends, but they're people I know, and both are Black stories that manage not to feature gangstas, drug dealers, baby daddies, and people who can fluently speak Anglo, Afro, and Homo (props to Craig Harris for the lingo distinctions!). Sidebar props to Viacom for creating Logo, an all-queer, all-the-time basic cable station. Access to queer-positive programming may keep some kid in the heartland from feeling isolated.

3. Cartoon Network's "The Boondocks," shown as part of their Adult Swim programming. Adult Swim cartoons, including made for Fox's "Family Guy," "American Dad," the hilarious "The Oblongs" and other off-the-wall shows like the surreal "Squidbillies" (featuring trailer trash squid) fuse political commentary and pop culture to form a strange yet tasty hash. "The Boondocks" is a 30-minute vivification of cartoonist Aaron McGruder's syndicated strip, featuring Freeman brothers Huey and Riley, who live with their sometimes cuckolded, but never punked grandfather Robert, BKA Granddad. "The Boondocks" is the thing that White America feared the most -- a full-out fun-fest of the shit Black folks think and speak among themselves, but probably don't share with White people. And all the nice White kids who wear their pants down low, sit on gentrified stoops with their Black homies smokin' blunts, and disturb the peace with their wack-ass rhymes can now adopt Huey and Riley's funny-as-hell philosophies, peppered with gem sayings like:

Game recognize (sp) game, and you lookin' kinda unfamiliar right now.

If you have Cartoon Network, make yourself stay up on Sunday nights and watch "The Bookdocks." Better still, if you have TiVO or DVR, record the series so you can relive moments like Granddad's visit to his town's country club, ruined by Huey's announcement that Jesus was Black and Ronald Reagan is the devil, or Riley's amazement at how when White people speak, they take the time to say the whole word.

The bottom line is that we don't live in a melting pot (I'd like to shoot whoever said that), we live in a salad. Storytelling, good, accurate, honest storytelling has to include all of our stories, and even if they're sometimes a little off kilter, they still need to be supported. Even fair-to-middlin' depictions of our lives need to be supported for they'll plant the seed for even better depictions in the future.

Professional Sports

2005-11-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

Terrell Owens, who I'll admit is a great receiver, has been suspended for the remainder of the Philadelphia Eagles NFL season. His accomplishments have, unfortunaely for him, been overshadowed by his bad behavior, including not speaking to the offensive coordinator (the guy creating the plays for his "department" if you will) and all-around rudeness to teammates, including quarterback Donovan McNabb, the "executive vice-president" if you will.

Then, there's the buzz around cleaning up the NBA. From the off-court dress code to player behavior, NBA commish David Stern wants to create a friendlier NBA -- how about lowering ticket prices, Dave?

Both the business with Owens and the NBA off-court dress code affect star players who are predominantly Black. And, for some reason, Rev. Jesse Jackson, who to me, has jumped the shark, is actually weighing in. Rev, you used to be viable. Now, you're just another jackleg preacher with a chick and child on the side. Have a seat and be quiet. The first thing too many folk want to do is call the reform racism. Sigh.

Why is it that when people are expected to behave well, and they happen to be Black, a behavioral change is automatically racist? Does that mean that all of us are ill-behaved? The issues around bad boy behavior in professional sports are partially the fault of fans, for fans don't really like quiet, modest players, despite their skills, but mainly the fault of the players themselves. They've made a choice to wild out. T.O. didn't have to utter a word outside of team meetings, but he did. Ron Artest flew off the handle when he jumped into the stands to beat up a fan who threw beer on him -- he should have left security to deal with those clowns who got what they deserved by being barred from stadium events. And what's so bad about being asked to wear a jacket and slacks when appearing in front of fans or the media? We are talking about professional sports. Professional means for hire. If you worked at a corporation with a dress or behavioral code (and many corporations are asking employees to sign ethics code agreements), that you ignored, you'd be fired. Your skill doesn't excuse you from adhering to company policy. If it's so painful to you, quit. If you don't like management, work up your resume and go work for someone else. But don't bite the hand that feeds you and expect to keep being fed.

Give Thanks

2005-11-23T07:10:00.000-05:00

Psalms 118 commands us to give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good. No, I'm not suggesting that you thank some deity you're not into, but I do hope that you, we, plan to give thanks for the things we do have to be thankful for. While I'm not into commercial displays of gratitude, I am into taking time out to stop and smell the roses. So, here we go.

I'm thankful that I live in a flawed, yet open society that allows me, while still possible, to live as a Black lesbian in a protected, even in limited ways, relationship. Even though I have to take extra precautions to have my partner recognized as the first decision maker should I become unable to make decisions for myself, I am unaware of any country that would allow that, with perhaps the exception of those six countries that allow same-sex marriage.

I'm thankful that my parents are still alive and married for more than 50 years. They were nutty in my youth, prone to uncontrollable rage at times, and narrow-minded, but they did a great job in raising me. I may still have issues with them, but at least I recognize that. Many go to their grave harboring resentments they don't even know about.

I'm thankful that even though the medical profession and government charts say that I should be diabetic, have high blood pressure, and heart disease, my annual physicals are always positive. I'm as healthy as a Clydesdale.

I'm thankful for my job that pays me money, and my other jobs that pay me spiritually. Never underestimate the value of making people smile.

I'm thankful for a great group of friends, even for those that I'm no longer in touch with. Every relationship has worth.

I'm thankful for the love of my life, my darling Telios. We should all have someone in our lives who loves our morning breath, cellulite, and occasional bad temper.

Don't dwell on Thanksgiving. Give thanks.

Damn, I Love Pop Culture!

2005-11-22T10:33:00.000-05:00

Gladys, get the gun. We's shoppin' on eBay.

Truth in Jest

2005-11-20T10:57:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of pop culture, especially television. T.V. was a big thing in my house as a kid, and to this day, my parents have a t.v. in almost every room in the house. T.V. was so important that my mom used to encourage us to watch game shows because she said they made us smart.

It's no secret that I have several guilty t.v. pleasures. I was reminded of one of my childhood favorites, "What's Happening." TV Land has brought back the show, and it's a reminder of how race relations in America were then, and how similar they are now. The three main characters are teen buddies, sharing their different experiences of being young, Black, and male in the Los Angeles community of Watts, famous for its late 60's race riots. Funny how nice the neighborhood is less than ten years later, as shown in the opening sequence. Roger, or Raj, as he's known, is raised by his divorced mother, who works as a maid for two different households. Rerun is the popular fat guy (fat guys are always more popular than fat girls, as evidenced by the barbs exchanged by equally as fat auxiliary character, Shirley). We don't really know much about his family except that Rerun is the one who hasn't spent time in jail. And Dwayne, who was the cute one, lives with both of his parents, almost unheard of in ghetto life, according to Pat Moynihan's controversial mid-60's study in which he found that a quarter of Black children were born to single mothers.

At the same time, the show "Good Times," also living on in syndication on TV Land, portrayed a Black family living in the projects. Again, the family was an atypical one, with married parents, including a father who actually lives with his family. The Evans family matriarch, Florida, didn't work until the final seasons of the show, but father James, worked a series of menial jobs, having only a junior high school education (both parents eventually studied together for their G.E.D.).

In both shows, several elements are used and played to the hilt, including urban greetings, such as Rerun's "what's happening," Dwayne's famous "hey, hey,hey," J.J.'s phone greeting "chello," and the eventual scream inducing "dyn-oh-mite," pejoratives like "turkey," "shut, up fool,"and my favorite element, the uncomfortable White person. In one episode of "What's Happening," Raj's mother, is fired from her job as a Monday, Wednesday, Friday maid after a diamond ring owned by her boss is missing (someone turns up dead, blame the butler, something turns up missing, blame the maid). Raj and company track down the culprit of the crime, who turns out to be the boss, with a nasty gambling habit. Out of cash in his regular poker game with two other White guys, and one Black guy (there's always a token middle class Black person just to show America that not all Blacks are losers), he's lost the ring in a previous game to the Black guy. Raj confronts the White boss, tries to hold his, er, losing ground, with the Black guy taking the side of the kids. And, with predictability, Mr. Whitefolks gets all nervous because the Blacks have raised their voices.

Similarly, in an episode of "Good Times," Thelma earns a scholarship to a prestigious prep school, and is promptly pursued by a White sorority girl who wants to add Thelma to her ethinc collection as the sorority has an "Oriental, Indian, and Chicana." Again, Miss Whitegirl, outnumbered, and out voiced, gets jumpy. In future episodes of both shows, yet another element is introduced, that of the White person who understands life in the ghetto, complete with "coll-ahrd greens, fat backs," and "what it is'es."

What I love about these peeks into race in America thirty years ago, is that they show us how things aren't so different today. America loved watching the antics of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston -- they behaved the way we expected them to behave. Bobby's a bad boy, "keepin' it real." America also loved watching Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey live their all-American lives. Jessica has made it well known that she pledged to her father to maintain her virginity (yeah, I thought it was creepy too) until she married, and she married Nick Lachey, one of the lead singers of a one-hit wonder boy band. Nick's a bad boy too, showing up in tabloid photos with beer in hand (just like Bobby), surrounded by strippers (like Bobby). Nick's never labeled as a bad boy though. How could he possibly be, since he married a woman who supposedly wouldn't have sex with him until after they married?

Pop culture's portrayal of Black life, even when created by Black producers (Michael Evans, one of the producers of "Good Times" was the first Lionel Jefferson on "All In The Family" and "The Jeffersons") purported to tell the "real" side of Black life. But, visit TV Land for the backstory on the show, and you'll find that not everyone thought the one-note song of Black life was all that real. Eventually, "Good Times" crashed and burned with the increasing clowning of J.J. Evans. The actors portraying Florida and James Evans left the show. "What's Happening" co-creator Eric Monte was responsible for the classic film "Cooley High," whom the Raj, Rerun, and Dwayne characters are loosely (very loosely) based on. And, even though we appreciated the growing up and moving on of Raj, Rerun, and Dwayne, Dee only became an older, taller, fatter, pain in the butt baby sister, still quick with the insults.

Yes, shows like "Good Times" and "What's Happening" and "Julia," which I'm too young to have seen, were seminal in t.v.'s mainstream portrayal of Blacks . So, what will be the new pop culture hit? What will define it? Why did Blacks complain about the "reality" of "The Cosby Show?" Was it because no one got shot, White people were comfortable with the upper middle-class Huxtables, even friends with them? The problem with shows that set themselves up to be the voice of or representation of a group of people (see "Queer As Folk," "The L Word," "Will & Grace") is that they don't speak for that group. They show a couple of non-stereotypical elements for variety and to be able to claim cutting edge status, but rely heavily on stereotypes to sell advertising time. Even though we knew J.J. Evans was a talented artist, "Good Times" viewers weren't interested in his career as a graphic artist unless he was clowning (although the jheri (sp?) curl he sported toward the end of the series was laughable). Ultimately, the jest was more compelling than the truth, and will always be.

Wingardium Leviosa!

2005-11-18T12:20:00.000-05:00

It's Friday. My ankle hurts, and so does my head. I've had four hours of sleep, but I couldn't be happier. Why, you ask? Because I went to a midnight showing of

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I love the Harry Potter series. The movies aren't deep thinkers or genre definers, nor are the books literary masterpieces like my favorite book "Their Eyes Were Watching God." Harry Potter is the freak we all know we are. He's different, a little sick of being different, but embracing it just the same. Even his friends sometimes wonder if he isn't riding the "special" thing a little harder than necessary. And, his foes just keep coming and coming and coming.

Conservative Christians think Harry Potter is a bad influence on kids because he uses magic to solve his problems. But what is prayer if not a kind of magic or supernatural movement? The significance of Harry James Potter is that he is "the boy who lived." He is the boy who survived a fatal curse that no one in the history of its use ever did. He is the classic example of the unshakeable, the unmoveable. I feel a sermon here. He is just a boy, but one so full of love and light that his enemies are defeated. He can be hurt, yes, but never killed.

Don't we all wish that we could face life's unforgiveable curses and live to tell about them? No, I'm not suggesting we line up for a dose of pain, but don't we wish, while in the middle of a painful experience, we could survive it? Some of us end up in the grip of despair and have to claw and scratch our way out, and that's what Harry does. He's gifted, but no more so than any of us. He's blessed with a support system of friends and parental figures, and so are we. He's been knocked around and brought to death's door, but survives.

You thought this was going to be just a fan letter about Harry potter, and it is, but it's more than that. It's about rising above the things that could weigh us down, and being bigger than our circumstances.

Wingardium leviosa!

Is It Really About Race?

2005-11-12T15:30:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday, which means college football. I'm becoming a fan of football as a relative of mine is an NFL star (don't ask, I'm not telling), but also because my partner is a football fan. I really like college football because it's a 4-year audition for the NFL. It's exciting to watch. Rushers rush for a kabillion yards, defensive players hit like tanks, and you never hear about fickle fans. College fans, specifically tailgaters, are fans through and through.

Recently, Fisher DeBerry, head coach of the Air Force Academy's football team made a statement about Black athletes being better. He's not the first to say it, nor will he be the last. CBS's sports commentator Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder got fired in the 80's for elaborating on this theme, even going so far as referring to how slave owners would breed "big (Black) women" to make big kids with strong backs and legs, perfect for totin' barges and liftin' bales. ABC's in-studio co-host of Saturday football, John Saunders, who, is Black, spoke with Penn State football's head coach Joe Paterno about Deberry's comments. Paterno's response was interesting. Specifically, Saunders' question was what was different about sports now versus twenty or thirty years ago, and Paterno said that Black athletes have brought an excitement to the game. Saunders, wisely, probed a bit further, citing Deberry's comments, to which Paterno said that Black athletes weren't necessarily better because they were Black, but because they were hungrier and worked harder to make the most of an opportunity.

That doesn't sound racial, does it? It sound like a matter of class. We wouldn't think twice about using terms like hungry and opportunity if we were talking about what made one entrepreneur better than another. Look at Martha Stewart. She saw an opportunity and capitalized on it. Women had chipped away at the glass ceiling, and became part of the work force past being coffee-making, letter-taking secretaries, and were looking for ways to make home management, well, manageable. Personally, I didn't learn how to operate a washing machine until I was 22. Martha Stewart made a mint on tidbits like folding a t-shirt. Paterno's point was that young Black men worked hard to become better athletes, and benefitted from becoming better, and enhanced the game as a result.

The same could be said about the situation in France. Young people who don't have the same opportunities to work on becoming really good at something, don't have the same chance as someone with opportunity. I'm not naive, I'm not suggesting that race isn't at all involved. Certainly, as a Black woman visiting Paris, I noticed that the only people who looked like me in a restaurant were working in the kitchen, and not in a leadership position like cooking. The maid in my hotel was Black. I'm suggesting that if schools, vocational training, and recreational facilities were equal for everyone, regardless of income, there would be greater opportunities for success. It's the same wherever you go.

One of John Saunders' co-hosts, Aaron Taylor, formerly of the San Diego Chargers, said as a young person, he was out playing ball, not sitting around playing video games. Again, this sounds like class, not race. If safe parks, properly-funded afterschool programs, decent schools and training programs existed in poor neighborhoods, no matter what their ethnic makeup, there would be fewer chances for young people to get in trouble, and more chances for them to excel. The so-called rioters in France have said the same thing.

The movie "8 Mile" tells the story of White rapper and opportunity seeker Jimmy "Rabbit" Smith. He works in a sheet metal factory, shares a one-bedroom trailer with his unemployed mother, who looks to be only 15 years older than her 20-something son, and a young girl named Lily, who isn't, to me, identified as either Rabbit's daughter or sister. Rabbit sings to her and tucks her into bed at night as a parent would, but given his mother's inability to take care of herself except to catch a man, Rabbit probably had to become parental, irrespective of Lily's parentage. Black characters in the movie, specifically friends "Future," host of the weekly MC battle that Rabbit aspires to win, and "Sol George," who, unlike Rabbit, has access to a car, necessary in this part of town without much public transportation, obviously have more opportunity than Rabbit (and, incidentally, Rabbit's White friend, Cheddar Bob). Why, the supposed star of rival crew, and reigning champ of the MC battle, Papa Doc, who is exposed as a prep school graduate whose real name is Clarence, and whose parents have a "real nice marriage" is Black.

America is unwilling to look at class and poverty, and how they really affect advancement, irrespective of race. Yes, racism is very real, but so is classism. Perhaps we need to look further at class, and not be so quick to assume that a situation involving people of color is only about race.

My Anniversary

2005-11-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's another post about my relationship. Yes, you're sick of hearing how in love I am. Yet, you continue to read, my friends, because you secretly believe as I do that love is all you need.

So, today's my fifth wedding anniversary. Last year, I posted the four things I learned about marriage. I'm going to re-post that, but of course, since the magic number is now five, here's the fifth things I've learned.

5. Marriage takes work. I once asked a friend why he thought relationships between gay men didn't always work out, and he said it's because neither recognizes how much work it takes. I'd say the same holds true for all committed relationships. My parents have been married for over fifty years, and having lived with them for 21 of those, I know you work like a farm animal. You work to say the right thing, which isn't the same as being right (even if it's only in your mind). You work to make sure their needs are met, even if you have to give something, or a whole lot, up.

So, here's my open letter to my darling Telios. Here's hoping that all of you out in love land snuggle a little closer on this crisp fall day to your significant other. And, if you're not in a committed relationship, love yourself well.

From the November 2004 archives:

Today is my wedding anniversary. Yes, I am a lesbian, and no, marriage isn't legal anywhere in the U.S., except for that odd thing in Massachusetts, but that's only for state residents, and last I heard they weren't performing any more same-sex marriages until they figured it out. Nonetheless, 4 years ago today, we invited about 200 of our closest friends to come to church, followed by a big party, and we got formally hitched.

My partner is extremely clever. When special occasions roll around, she makes the simplest things really cool. For our 4th anniversary, she purchased 4 cards, and placed them in 4 locations in our apartment -- one was inside the mega can of coffee that only I would find as she doesn't drink coffee.

Because it is our 4th anniversary, I think it's only fitting that I share the 4 things I've learned about relationships, particularly the marriage relationship.

1. Marriage has nothing and everything to do with a piece of paper codifying your commitment. Sorry, ultra-conservatives, and marriage-phobics, but that's the truth. When you make it your business to go to City Hall and expose your union to the powers that be, it raises the bar. You can't just kick 'em out if you're sick of them. Your elected officials require that steps be taken in order to dissolve your union. The assumption is made that you have assets involved, perhaps children. The government has a stake in making sure you know what the hell you're doing when you decide to throw the towel in. They don't want their dollars to pay for your kids. They depend on receiving your taxes on that lovely cottage you've purchased. And, quite frankly, they believe that you're a much more valuable member of society when you're in a stable relationship. Okay, I'm being slightly frivolous, but here is the bottom line. Commitments are hard. Sometimes we enter into agreements for the right reasons, but need something to help us stick to them, no matter how "good" or "right" they are -- just look at all the people who have gym memberships and stop using them around January 10; clearly New Year's Resolution #1 isn't incentive enough. You can easily break up with a boyfriend, but ending a marriage is different, way different. On the flip side, lest you think that I'm against common-law marriage, there are examples of couples who get it, who understand that love, trust, honesty, conviviality, and enjoyable sex are the foundations of a successful relationship, and screw the government's intervention. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have been together for more than 10 years, have children together, and never got married. Same-sex couples have done it since coming into public view. I personally know a lesbian couple that have been together for forty years, and have no intention of splitting up except at the grave. Society has to move past the notion that the wedding is the marriage -- if you can't be married before the ceremony; civil or religious, you shouldn't marry at all.

2. Marriage is the best and worst thing ever. Being in a committed relationship pretty much guarantees you'll have a playmate, a friend and confidante, a reasonably unbiased critic to keep things in perspective, and an easily accessible sex partner. It's a blessing to not have to date again. One of the toughest things about being a lesbian, for me at least, is finding a partner. I like to think I'm pretty good looking, I'm smart, can carry on a decent conversation once I break through my shyness, and I'm good in bed (believe me, I am). I can hold down a job and can live alone, so I don't need help with living. I've done some soul-searching and mental health work, so I'm in pretty good emotional shape, save for some remnant childhood things, but as I get older, my past doesn't matter as much as my future does. I'm a damn good catch, but being a ball in the game is hard work. I am thankful that I don't have to do it anymore. I like being able to go to a club just to dance and have a couple of drinks, not to find the love of my life for I've already done that. Marriage is tough in that I'm not single anymore. I have made an agreement that although my desires may stray from my partner, I can not, at all, under any circumstances, act them out with anyone other than my partner because that's what we've agreed to. Let me clean this up just a bit. I look. I look all the time. As I write this, I can think of no less than 12 hotties I wouldn't throw out of bed if I were single and they agreed to sleep with me. But, I won't do it because I can't, and I can't do it because it would break my agreement and that's far more important than what makes me moist. As a former playa, it's tough, but I like being retired from the game.

3. Marriage makes things difficult, but makes things easy. You hold yourself, and the things you do for your partner to a higher standard than you would if you were single, or you should. If you slept on crappy sheets -- you know the ones I mean; the 150 count sheets that don't get soft until the 20th washing -- you step up a bit. You still buy bed-in-a-bag linen, but you spend a few bucks more and buy the good stuff because it's not just you on the bed anymore. If frozen dinners were okay to eat at 10pm because that's when you managed to get home from work, or worse, that's when you staggered home from after-work drinks with the gang, you thought more about cooking an actual meal for the 2 of you, or at least you made it home in time for takeout at a decent hour. The bar is raised; you have to go from acceptable to nice, and that's not the easiest thing in the world. However, when you're with someone who deserves nice instead of acceptable, it becomes easy to make nice, and better for the both of you.

4. Marriage is not for the faint of heart, but will bring out the best and worst in both of you. Okay, here's the personal, mushy stuff you knew was on the way. Some of the worst things I've ever said have been said to my wife. Some of the best things I've ever said have been said to my wife. Once, while her father lay deathly ill in the hospital, I said something nasty to her, and the next day, her jewelry (the diamond and platinum stuff -- when I do it, I do it right) was noticeably absent. After some snooping (remember, this is about the best and worst in you), I found she had taken them off, probably preparing to hand them to me, along with my ass, and a "fuck you and have a nice day," and I was devastated. Since that day, I vowed to watch what I say, which is not the easiest thing to do when your mouth is bigger than the state of Alaska. We worked it out, which means that I apologized; every now and then I kick my own ass, and I remember that she's on my side, and one needs all the friends one has. I have become better than I've ever been, and I'm confident I can only get better.

So, I close this long post with a very personal message to my darling wife:
You are the love of my life. I can't think of anyone I would rather hang out with, talk with, laugh with, cry with, or just sit quietly with. You occasionally drive me up the wall, but I'm sure I do the same to you. Even though I've said things I didn't mean, and I may do it again, even though I may be moody and occasionally withdrawn; even though I torture myself to be perfect and do perfect things because I believe you deserve perfection, it is just that. You are my perfect partner, the one whom God chose for me, and there is no one and no thing that will ever change that. I love you and look forward to celebrating 4 plus 40 years with you.

Happy Anniversary.

Stella Never Really Had a Groove To Get

2005-11-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

So, Terry McMillan and her ex-husband, Jonathan Plummer, went on the Oprah show yesterday to discuss the demise of their marriage. I couldn't watch the whole thing, because it was pathetic and sad. I've always had a bit of a problem with Terry McMillan anyway. I don't think she's that great a writer, but you can't tell her that, which is okay. Affirm yourself, because few people will affirm you, but I digress. I really have a problem with the public's hunger for intimate details about celebrity life, and celebrities who go right along with it.

I once heard someone say that Americans have abandoned shame, the thing that makes us apply discretion. I'm not suggesting that we shut down completely, and never reveal things that need revealing, such as abuse, but there's a big difference between telling the truth about something harmful and airing your dirty laundry. I think it's not so much that we've stopped feeling ashamed of things, but that many of us simply prefer to make others feel shame, even when our own behavior deserves reproach. Why else would talk shows like Maury, and the revolting Jerry Springer show, enjoy such longevity? Or court shows, where things unrelated to the case are always thrown in. Does your ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend's crack habit and other baby's daddy have anything to do with why you're suing his mother for an unpaid cell phone bill? Someone else's dysfunction is great entertainment.

I try my best to avoid being judgemental. After all, there are always three sides to every story, Party A's, Party B's, and the truth. But the truth isn't always so interesting, nor does it always see light. McMillan admits that she slept with and began a relationship with Plummer within days of meeting while she was on vacation. She's lonely, she's horny (never a good combo, and don't let alcohol get mixed in), and here is a physically attractive, interested, available young man. She describes him in fantastic terms. He's no angel, though. He made a decision to sleep with her, and leave home to be with her. He admits that he came here with few marketable skills, and that she took care of his financial needs. He didn't have to accept anything from her. He also didn't have to tell her anything, especially something that was probably terrifying, given the culture he came from. She, on the other hand, has played, and continues to play the victim, and millions of t.v. viewers and Web crawlers indulge her.

It's a sad story. Sex doesn't make for a strong relationship. Control, financial or otherwise, doesn't make for a strong relationship. There are too many women who believe that a piece of a man is better than no man at all. Did she really think that a 23-year-old was long-term relationship material? Did he really think that she would simply take him in, and not try to control him?

I believe Jonathan Plummer has learned far more than Terry McMillan has. She, and Oprah, whose ratings-grabbing shows covering the darker side of homosexuality sink lower and lower in quality, had an opportunity to help people in weak or faltering relationships, but instead turned the so-called down-low phenomenon into a "Reefer Madness" of our time. It's entertaining, but completely without merit. There simply was no groove to get.

My Body, My Rights

2005-11-02T11:17:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much to say about the search for a new Justice for the Supreme Court because I'm trying to work on some personal artistic projects, and politics just wears me out. However, I'm drawn back to what bugs me the most about the abortion rights issue, probably the most controversial of SC issues.

Back in my twenties, I was part of several "queer" orgs; an HIV prevention org, a gay & lesbian org, and part of groups including ACT UP, Queer Nation, and Dyke Action Machine. We paid close attention to what happened with both abortion rights and sodomy laws because they both addressed personal choices about very personal things. At the time, lesbians worked hard to get gay men, understandably focused on AIDS and HIV, to understand why they should support a woman's right to choose. The right to choose isn't about whether or not you believe that abortion is about "baby killing;" it's about the right to make a choice that is yours to make. After all, no one would support legislation that makes tobacco illegal, even though it has been proven that prolonged use of tobacco products usually leads to cancer, which is still an incurable disease. And, no one would support the banning of all alcoholic beverages, even though underage drinking, binge drinking, drunk driving, and alcohol abuse can all lead to injury, illness, and death. We could extend the argument to driving a car, all things we do as a matter of choice. So, let's just jump right into the controversy.

Abortion is the termination of a pregnancy following the death of a fetus. According to the dictionary, the death of a fetus can follow infection, can be spontaneous; the body can reject the fetus with death following, or it can be induced. Pregnancies are terminated for good and bad reasons. We plan to get pregnant, so why can we not plan not to get or stay pregnant? Ever wonder why abortion foes (I refuse to refer to them as pro-lifers; it supports the improper reasoning that being in favor of choice means an opposition to life) are silent on the use of fertility drugs or in-vitro fertilization? Adoption? Is it more acceptable to terminate a pregnancy that follows incest or rape than it is to terminate a pregnancy that comes at an arguably unfortunate time; a second, third, fourth or more child to a poor family, or a pregnancy to a couple with genetic concerns, such as Tay-Sachs, Sickle Cell, or other potentially catastrophic illnesses?

It is foolish to believe that the average woman who has an abortion uses abortion as a means of brith control when there are far less expensive and far more accessible methods of birth control available. And, it is fascinating that the most visible and vocal abortion foes are most often White, heterosexual males, who, although certainly affected by such a weighty matter as the ending of a pregnancy, will never be the one to make the final decision to do so. I also offer this: abortion foes, especially the ones who support and operate help centers to encourage women to have their babies, aren't adopting these unwanted children. They're unwilling to come to urban, rural, or poor areas where these children grow up. No, assuming a supposed moral position like opposing reasonable access to abortion does nothing more than add a brick to the wall of homogeneity that far right conservatives are desperately trying to build.

Sodomy laws, unfortunately named, parallel abortion rights laws because they seek to impose government interference in deeply personal matters. More often than not, they are unfairly applied -- ask Matthew Limon, whose Kansas jail sentence for having sex with another young man was longer than that for the same crime committed by a male and a female. Does oral or anal sex really present a danger to society so great that the government needs to tell me what choice I should make about what I do with my body? I think not.

I'll be really succinct -- Alito is not a good choice for the Supreme Court. Putting his mother's comments about his stand on abortion aside, an article in today's New York Times looks at his background on abortion rights and brings together the problem of government's meddling in personal matters that it shouldn't.

It is my body, and it is my right to do with it as I choose as long as I don't harm anyone else, or create a hazard to the community at large. If the government wishes to intervene to ensure that the community is protected, it should. I fail to see how telling me what kind of sex I have, with whom I have it, and what I must face as a result, is any of the government's business.

Homeschooling Teaches What?

2005-10-31T11:10:00.000-05:00

I'm not a parent. I've helped raise two kids while involved with a parent. I've taught loads of kids, and will probably work with kids again. I'm troubled by the growing trend in homeshcooling. A spoiler: You'll be mildly pissed off by what I'm going to say, so be forewarned.

Thousands of children are being homeschooled. Browse the web to hear why parents have chosen to teach their kids at home, and you'll find that most of them have either moral objections to what is being taught (read: their kids are learning that some things like evolution and homosexuality are okay, and they don't want their kids to learn that) or that they fear for their children's safety, either from teachers or from bad influences coming from other kids. Still, other parents argue that their kids are smarter and performing better because they're receiving one-on-one attention, and therefore excelling. And, some parents appreciate the increased time spent with their children, making them more well-adjusted and emotionally healthier.

Opponents of homeschooling have as a primary argument a lack of socialization; children who are homeschooled don't spend extended periods of time with other children. Parents of homeschooled kids say they make a point of creating opportunities for their children to spend time with other children through playdates and organized outings; playdates being the infantile version of the cocktail party. Opponents also argue that no matter how much an intended home-teacher learns, they can't possibly be expert enough to fully teach all subjects to their children.

Here in Brooklyn, New York, a candidate for New York City Council, is a homeschooling parent. Some of the best public schools in Brooklyn are in her neighborhood, but she chose to take her children out of school. According to her definition of the most pressing issue in her district is the creation of parent organizations to share information and making educational choice a priority. But how can you speak for educational choice when your choice is, essentially no choice? You're running on a Republican/Conservative ticket, it's no secret that Conservatives are big proponents of not just homeschooling, but private schools and public funding for private schools, so what choice are you supporting and why should I vote for you? How can I be convinced you'll support public schools when you don't think public schools are good enough for your kids?

I've had a cast on my leg for almost two months now, with no pain, and I'm ready to cut my cast off myself. That doesn't make me an orthopedic surgeon, nor would reading about my procedure, with a medical dictionary next to me, make me qualified to have performed it on myself. And, as much as I enjoy spending time alone, having hours on end with my computer, phone and television to keep me company, probably won't make me a well-rounded person. Homeschooled kids are taught what parents want them to learn, which isn't necessarily what they need to learn, and they're allowed to spend time with kids that parents find acceptable. Before you jump on me, think about this.

Kids who go to school outside of the home spend anywhere from eight to ten hours, depending on the distance from the home, extra-curricular activities, and age, with other kids; kids of different ethnicities, class, abilities, kids who speak languages other than English, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, you get the picture. Schools are, arguably, microcosms of the real world. No matter how many playdates you set up, the fact is that you pick and choose the kids of kids you expose your kids to. That doesn't happen in the real world, unless you're the parents of these kids.

The problem with homeschooling is that it's the new way of avoiding what Brown v. Board of Ed was supposed to have done. Unfortunately, the wording of Brown orders desegregation done "with all deliberate speed;" translated roughly as take your time and think about what the impact would be. In many parts of the South and Midwest, where segregated schools flourished, religious schools popped up to provide a desegregation-free alternative. Unfortunately, with a suffering economy, not all parents can afford to put their kids in these private religious schools, and homeschooling take kids out of undesirably mixed, allegedly unsafe environments.

Listen, stop forcing me to believe you're doing the right thing for your kids. Tell the truth -- you're doing the right thing for you. You're ensuring that your kids never meet real people with real problems, and never learn how to deal with those real problems. I'm not convinced you're teaching your kids the right lesson.

TV -- It's Good For What Ails You

2005-10-29T19:06:00.000-04:00

Let's have some fun, shall we? It's been almost two months of medically-ordered house arrest, and I've discovered some guilty pleasures.

DVR
Yes, I could invest my money in the stock market, or something more practical, but I love the idea of pausing a live t.v. show, rewinding back to what I missed, and when you're on crutches struggling to get to the bathroom, you definitely miss something, and replaying the good bits. And, DVR lets me catch some of the best shows that, unfortunately, are too impolite to air during normal people's time, such as:

The Oblongs -- if you liked Ren & Stimpy (the originals from John K., not the cleaned-up stuff), you'll love The Oblongs. They are a loving, but, well, mutant (literally) family. Living at the foot of a valley, the town is the recipient of toxic waste, so the occupants end up with the, uh, consequences of toxic waste poisoning, including three butt cheeks, a warty, phallic protrusion, no jaw and one breast. And speaking of odd-numbered breasts...

Tripping the Rift -- I think I have a thing for mutants. Sci-Fi Channel's adult animated comedy had to have been thought up by pimply-faced nerds who spent most of their dateless teen years coming up with the least screwable woman in the world, and her opposite. No, it's not a cinematic tour-de-fource, but I pity heterosexual women who don't have a male counterpart to the show's hottie, Six, and she's really what makes the show watchable. Oh, and it's kinda funny too.

College Football -- I went to a CUNY school, after attending an arts & science high school, which means I didn't have an early exposure to football. Yeah, my father watched it, but usually on a teeny black & white in the basement. And, given a choice between a game I didn't understand, and Saturday afternoon martial arts flicks, I chose the latter. Now, married to a former high school cheerleader, and avid football fan, I've sinced grown quite fond of the game, looking forward to the cooler days of fall. Mostly, I love the raw adrenaline and youthful vigor of the game. With multiple touchdowns taking place within the first five minutes of the game, how can you not be excited about it? Scores like 28-0? 44-6? College football games are four-year auditions for the NFL, another of my guilty pleasures.

Makes Me Feel Okay About Being Fat
Have you looked at defensive players? It's like their coaches tell them to get off that bike and eat something. Sure, I'm not a guy, and I'll never play football, unless it's for the NY Sharks, which believe me, the wife would never let me do, I can still have hope for putting fat and athlete in the same sentence.

And, of course, you can't have guilty t.v. pleasures without my previously mentioned "Cops" and court shows like Judge Mathis, Divorce Court, Judge Joe Brown (protecting womanhood and encouraging manhood), and The People's Court, presided over by Judge Marilyn Milian, whose occasional Spanglish witticisms (his eggs needed salting is just one gem) are hilarious.

Enough ranting. Go watch some t.v.

Swoopes Follow-Up

2005-10-28T11:46:00.000-04:00

Got a reply or two on my post on Sheryl Swoopes' outing, but one was pretty interesting. The author made some references I removed because they may point to him, and outed a couple of folks, which I won't do, because I won't do it. If they out themselves, then I'll make direct reference.

"Solomon" wrote:

I’d like to clear up a few things concerning the Liberty. I’ve been around the team since 1997. Carol Blazejowski, is also gay. It was time for Teresa to move on and make way for someone younger. Teresa had some great years with the Liberty and came close to leading them to a championship several times. You must admit that Rebecca Hammon is as good a player as Weatherspoon and equally as exciting. ...When Becky reaches her 36th birthday, Carol Blazejowski will also offer her a non-player contract.

Tari Phillips ... was not resigned by Blazejowski before this past season. I think that was a bad mistake on Blazejowski’s part. With Tari on the squad this past season the Liberty would have made the WNBA Finals.

Here’s something that may or may not surprise you:

The Full Story

These sort of things happen when a woman can’t have the man she really wants.

King Solomon

King Solomon(his signature, not a pseudonym I assigned to him):

Thanks for writing and for the info on the Liberty. If Blaze hadn't made a decision that she might have regretted, even slightly, and if the fans hadn't reacted, she never would have issued a letter to the fans explaining her actions, which is a typical public relations cleanup move. I too know someone who worked closely with Spoon, and I was aware of what happened.

If, as you say, non-player contracts will automatically be issued to players who reach a certain age, it is a sad thing indeed that players who feel they're conditioned and skilled enough to play will be shackled to a team that doesn't really want them; shackled because they don't have the option to play for another team. Even more senior players like Jerry Rice and Rodney Peete get to stay and play, however limited their field time may be, until they are ready to quit.

I can only assess from your message that you are particularly interested in dwelling on a player's sexuality, either by downplaying or upselling and exploiting, which was the point of my post. You made it a point to out players which I did not, and ended your interestingly-signed message with a dubious reference to what happens when a woman doesn't get a man she wants.

Thanks again for writing.

Ordinarily, I don't respond like this to comments, but I was struck by what started out as a decent defense of the Liberty's player transactions, that ended with a creepy she's-a-lesbian-because-she-didn't-or-couldn't-find-a-good-man kind of thing that homophobes usually give. And, the "king" thing makes me think he believes he was supposed to be the successor to the aforementioned throne.

Then, I received two emails reminding me of a comment I made on a blog saying Swoopes was homophobic. I publicly apologize for a really bad judgment call in saying that. Back in the early years of the league, I heard a piece of gossip attributed to Swoopes, claiming she didn't want lesbians on her team or looking at her in the locker room. I have no proof of her saying that, nor could I tell you where I heard it from. To anyone who may have been offended by what I said, I deeply apologize.

Flamers, be warned. Intelligent dialogue will be respected, and quite possibly indulged. Everything else will be flushed along with the other detritus in the bowl.

Quickies

2005-10-27T11:08:00.000-04:00

Been a while since I've taken the quick hits route, so let's get it goin'.

Miers is Outta Here
What else is there to say? She knew she wasn't qualified. Bush knew she wasn't qualified. Taxpayer money and congressional time shouldn't have been spent on a lost cause. Oh, that's already happening in Iraq, where the American military death toll has reached 2000. Does anybody in Washington have a clue? Anybody? Anybody?

Congratulations, Chicago
I'm not a baseball fan, but an accomplishment is an accomplishment. Enjoy it.

What was Bloomberg Thinking?
This one is for New Yorkers, but anyone can appreciate the nuttiness of this. In the newest commercial for Bloomberg's re-election bid, an affluent White couple talks about how their son, who has cerebral palsy, was helped by the Mayor. While the son is shown working at a computer, they tell how they've taken the boy's therapist to dinner, and he tells them no school in the city will take him in for kindergarten. In walks Bloomy, they rush him and tell him about this, and Bloomy ASSEMBLES A TEAM THAT GETS THE KID IN A SCHOOL! Here's what pisses me off about this commercial. First, the child is working on a computer, something many city kids don't have access to. Second, the wife's hand is blinging. Third, the child has a therapist -- how many city kids with special needs have their own therapist? Fourth, the parents are having dinner in a restaurant expensive enough that Bloomberg would go to -- he's not eating at Applebee's. Fifth, a team of people waves some pixie dust, moves heaven and earth, essentially what would have to happen to get a child into an already overcrowded public school, for this kid whose parents can afford to have a computer for him, put a fat rock on Mommy's hand, and hire a private therapist for him who gets wined and dined in a restaurant. Sorry, but they get no sympathy from me when there are parents who work full time and can't get government help for their special needs children because they make just a little too much money. Bad move, Mike, bad move. Thanks for reminding us who your real constituents are. Can anyone else say "Nets Arena in Brooklyn"?

Martha Stewart is Fierce!
So, as you know, I'm home recovering from surgery, and I watch a lot of t.v., including daytime t.v. and I've discovered that Martha Stewart is a fierce bitch (take that however you want to). Let's start with today, and work backward. She's chatting with Rosie O'Donnell, and in talking about her stint in the pen, she shares how she discovered Palmer's Cocoa Butter. Girl, where have you been? Girls in the 'hood have been rockin' the Palmer's since dirt was new. And speaking of girls in the 'hood, Ms. Martha was telling a story about a day in the prison gym. The manager, who she chose to call "Sheniqua" -- no, I'm not kidding, and she even said the girl had a name equally as lovely (take that however you want) -- decided to blast some hip hop, much to Martha's chagrin. When she asked "Sheniqua" to turn it down, she said hell to tha naw. Martha tried to give girlfriend the customer service, when you get out in the workforce, you'll need to be more sensitive, speech. Then, Martha continues the smashfest with how "Sheniqua" hadn't, until prison, read anything other than a novel, but has since began reading other books and has improved her life. The REAL question is, Martha, honey, is "Sheniqua" out yet, and have you offered her a job so she doesn't find her way back to the joint, since you're so interested in giving back?

And speaking of jobs and giving back, on last night's "Martha Stewart Apprentice," she decides to pay a surprise visit to the loft where the apprentices live. Fierce on its own (I don't care if you're paying for me to be here, it's still none of your business how I live, even in temporariy digs), she asks how they apprentices like living in a semi-open space, saying "You have no privacy. It's like being in Alderson." Was she a gay man in a last life?

Until later.

Swoopes' Slam Dunk

2005-10-26T00:25:00.000-04:00

WNBA star Sheryl Swoopes has come out as a lesbian in a soon to be published article in ESPN magazine. Read a snippet here.

I must have been the only former WNBA fan to have been in the dark. The rumor mill has been churning for months about her relationship with Alisa Scott, former Old Dominion coach.

Don't look for too many gossip stories here at From Where I Stand. In general, gossip does more harm than good, causes people to move their focus from improving their own lives to getting involved in others, and encourages obssession with personal lives other than our own.

I'm mentioning Swoopes' revelation because one of my criticisms of the WNBA and professional sports in general, is that if a woman is athletic, she is somehow not really a woman. Or, to prove just how much of a woman she is, her marriage and children become a major part of her marketing, as it was with Swoopes. Pregnant with son Jordan, she was a regular fan in the stands, and interviewed whenever possible, both during her pregnancy, and after the baby's birth. Similarly, a female player's beauty, as with WNBA marquee player Lisa Leslie, becomes a major marketing push. In an effort to attract major sponsorship, and keep its NBA bankrollers happy, Title IX provisions be damned. The game, the skill, the athleticism is never as important as how womanly the players are. The really talented players who are a little too butch don't get to be out in front. They don't get the big sponsorships, and don't become marquee players. In fact, they may even get dumped if deemed just not marketable.

Take the case of former Los Angeles Sparks player Latasha Byears. Cut from the team shortly after allegations of sexual assault against a teammate, Byears sued the Lakers, the big brother of the Sparks, of bias because of the organization's support of Kobe Bryant during his rape trial. Butch-appearing Byears led her team to the championships, but got no support during the LAPD's investigations. Meanwhile, Bryant was given time away from team practices, and use of the team plane to commute between L.A. and Colorado. The standards clearly are different.

One of the reasons my partner and I gave up our season tickets for the New York Liberty was the eventual trading of popular and talented team captain, Teresa Weatherspoon. From the league's inception, and New York is one of the original teams, totally straight-appearing former University of Connecticut player Rebecca Lobo was the team's marquee player. Lobo's performance in the first two seasons was dismal, followed by season-ending knee injuries, and eventual trading to the Connecticut Sun. Weatherspoon, not-so-obviously straight looking (and I've been in social situations where she was present) provided seven seasons of leadership, helping the team get to five playoffs. Prior to the 2003 season, she was offered a non-player contract, while Becky Hammon, a newer, younger, and more marketable player, was moved to the front of the point guard position on the team. As part of Weatherspoon's contract, she wouldn't be an active player, but because she was under contract, she couldn't play for anyone else until waived. Eventually, she, and strongman Tamika Whitmore, went to the Sparks.

I don't have much to say about Swoopes' assertion that she doesn't believe she was born gay. I think that's not really relevant. Some would say her belief gives fodder to the reparative movement. The reparative moevent stands on its own in dumbness. Swoopes' revelation is important in that she's one of the most powerful professional female athletes, and arguably the most visible Black female athletes ever to come out. Once the face of the WNBA, she even had her own Nike shoe.

Rumor has it that she'll be the new spokesperson for Olivia travel, the premier travel company for women, with a primarily lesbian clientele. Not exactly a Nike endorsement, but not a small thing either.

As I've said in the past, I don't support outing of celebrities, but I do support creating environments that encourage people to come out. I'm also not a fan of assimilation, but it's the perception that lesbian and gay people are extraordinary, as in not ordinary, that scares seemingly ordinary people; there are none so queer as folk. Courage be yours, Sheryl. You face loss of income, amped-up invasion of privacy, and even harsh criticism. Play this like you play ball -- till the final buzzer sounds.

Ordinary People and Extraordinary Lives

2005-10-25T10:54:00.000-04:00

There is a gospel song called "Ordinary People." The song says God uses ordinary people, people like you, people like me. Today, we mourn the passing of one ordinary person, Rosa Parks.

Nearly fifty years ago, a tired woman took a seat on a city bus. Worn out after a full day's work, the law said she had to move to the back in order to give up her seat to a White man. Like anyone who is simply worn out, she said no. And she went to jail for it. That act is said to have been the spark for the modern civil rights movement.

Some have argued, in earnest (two Black women had been arrested for the same charge earlier that year) and in jest (see "Barbershop") that it wasn't as extraordinary as history has made it out to be. But, it was the boycott that followed that was extraordinary. For 381 days, Blacks, heavy users of the bus system in Montgomery, Alabama, refused to take the bus. Walking and carpooling took thousands of dollars away from the city, and took a match to Jim Crow laws. The Supreme Court's ruling that separate was not equal, and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was the dynamite.

The chorus to "Ordinary People" ends with:

Little becomes much when you place it in the Master's hand.

Many little acts added together become much. And, Mrs. Parks' little act, added to all the acts before, became one great act. Rest peacefully in the Master's hand, Mrs. Parks.

In America?

2005-10-19T10:48:00.000-04:00

This year marks the 40th anniversary of the Voting Rights Act. Passed in 1965, during the turbulent Black civil rights era, to paraphrase, the Voting Rights Act made it easier for people of color to vote without unnecessary conditions including literacy tests, being able to speak English, and paying a poll tax.

Parts of the bill, the stuff of substance, expire in 2007, and so, Congress will begin to debate extending those items, including requiring states with a history of large-scale racial discrimination to have federal approval before changing election laws, requiring states to make election information and assistance available in the language or languages of the non-English speakers in an election district, and prohibiting election practices that discriminate on the basis of race or English-speaking status. For an accessible (one of those things that often keeps people from understanding how political issues affect them) look at the items being discussed, click here to read MSNBC's analysis.

The extension of these items will only be for 25 years. A lot can happen in 25 years, just as much as happened in 40 years. It wasn't until 1968, when Barry Goldwater ran for President on an ultra-conservative platform, that this country really began to shift to the right. Don't let the decadent 70's and greedy 80's fool you. Things were changing while we played around. And once again, things are changing while we play around.

Is anyone else as stunned as I am that in 2005, we are still debating the value of keeping protections in place to ensure that all people can vote? In America?

I recently had the chance to guest lecture two writing classes on race. I shared the platform with my best friend, who is White. The classes were made up of mostly White students. One class was made up of mostly engineering and business students, the other of liberal arts students. The discussion was similar in both classes. I asked what their ethnic background was; mostly Italian and Irish (it was a private Catholic college, after all). My friend shared how she could walk through a store without being followed, where I couldn't; she was less likely to be pulled over while driving, I was more likely to; she could easily hail a taxi, and I routinely have Whites offer to hail taxis for me. We went on to offer concepts for them to think about, including a sociological definition of racism (race plus power equals racism, therefor White people, as the dominant race were inherently racist, even if they weren't actively racist, and Blacks could be discriminatory or predjudiced but couldn't be racist), and the classes were left with questions that became a writing assignment. The classes' assessment of our visit? The two of us were too sensitive about race.

But, in America, it is remarkable that not only did we need to create laws to provide and protect rights, but those rights have to be renewed, and they are being debated. Am I really being sensitive when Congress is debating whether or not to allow states to reinstitute a poll tax? Last week I wrote about Oprah's show on poverty in America, and her visit to a town less than two hours outside of Chicago, a town so poor it doesn't have running water. Should the mostly Black inhabitants of this town be forced to pay a poll tax so they can vote? What does that do? If forced to choose between food for your kids and casting a vote, which will win? Am I still being sensitive?

If you express your unhappiness with the government, you're branded un-American. But wasn't America founded by a group of people who were unhappy with the government they were living under? And didn't they build in the right to express that unhappiness into our laws? What kind of America have we created? And what kind of America will we end up with?

Integrity: A Real Family Value

2005-10-18T15:17:00.000-04:00

Recently, a high school in a suburb of New York canceled this year's spring prom after receiving word of plans for a bacchanalian after-prom party, which would follow the pre-prom cocktail party. The fete was to take place at a Hamptons house rented for $10,000, and as a bonus, there would be a booze cruise (famous in the Caribbean, these are cruises pretty much to nowhere where you can drink all the cheap booze your liver can safely process while on board) paid for by a parent.

Yes, you heard me correctly. Underage drinking supported, literally and figurateively, by a parent. So, in response to the storied decadence, the school decided to cancel the prom to eliminate the occasion for the, er, celebration.

Not that long ago, Westchester County, another suburb of New York, decided not to prosecute a group of high schoolers who, after a night of binge drinking at the home of one of the students, tried to cover up the death of one of the teen partiers. The young man died during the night, but his death wasn't reported until the next morning. And, he didn't have to die. The other kids could have called 911, and the kid's life might have been saved, but they chose to save their own pathetic, overprivileged asses instead because they were rich and "promising" and the boy wasn't. Oh, if I have any New York residents reading, the District Attorney who decided not to piss off her constituency by doing the right thing is running against Senator Hilary Clinton. Jeanine Pirro. Remember that name. Her husband went to jail for stealing, and she's as morally bankrupt as he is. But I digress.

Yesterday, another promising teen was sentenced to six months in jail for throwing a frozen turkey from a moving car. The frozen boulder hit another car, and injured the occupant, breaking every bone in her face and severly injuring her brain. After hitting the car, the teens pulling the prank drove off without calling 911.

Although I don't agree that all students attending the aforementioned prom would be part of after-prom mayhem, I understand the school's position. What happened to sneaking a little bottle of Boone's Farm in to spike the punch?

Why would you not see that justice is done for a young man who died needlessly at the hands of selfish, spoiled, corrupt kids (and their parents)? What is amusing about throwing a frozen turkey, or any object, for that matter, from a moving vehicle at another vehicle?

These kids are the future of our country, which has already marched straight into the hands of White, middle class and higher men who think nothing of stripping civil rights, emptying the coffers of corporations to feed their own greed, and unashamed cronyism in the form of no-bid contracts and the official support of eminent domain, which is nothing more than a tragic game of he-who-has-the-most-friends-wins. Prom nights have turned into thousand-dollar balls, attended by miniature adult girls in low-cut, slinky gowns, and boys idolizing the pimp life, while their parents stand by and watch, or worse, write a check.

No, I don't have kids. But I know plenty of parents who know the difference between being friendly to their kids and being friends with them. Raise your kids, people. Teach your children more than how to live the good life. And get friends of your own age.

Marching?

2005-10-17T11:07:00.000-04:00

The Millions More Movement has come and gone. Some of the speakers were interesting. Some offered good ideas. Some were a total waste of time. And, not surprisingly, Minister Louis Farrakhan offered several good suggestions that will probably not happen, but were a welcome injection of practicality in a slightly disjointed event rife with rumors, division, and blah blah-ism.

As I previously mentioned, Keith Boykin's potentially powerful remarks about the Black gay experience didn't find their way onto the program. Cleo Manago, founder of the Black Men's Exchange, a group that recognizes and embraces a "diversity of sexual expression between me," did get to express the gay or same-gender loving (in his words) presence. Sadly, his short, rushed remarks went almost unnoticed.

I'm less interested in the content of Saturday's events as much as the money and energy in putting it together. Yes, the mass gathering gave America a broad-stroked look into Black America, but did it really? There is an African proverb that says you must eat the baobab tree (an enormous tree) one bite at a time. Could the resources invested in this gathering not have been better spent on regional gatherings?

As exciting as it is to look out onto a sea of like-minded people, I don't know how much these marches actually do. It's not like the feds are in their offices. If we can't get them to pay attention to us when we do something as inexpensive as voting for them, what does trampling on the Mall do?

I don't like feeling hopeless, so I'm going to reflect on something else as important. Recently, I had the chance to hear Rev. Mel White, founder of Soulforce, to speak. Soulforce is, among many things, an organization that seeks to undo the spiritual damage that religious organizations have done to lesbians and gays. White was a ghostwriter for, and part of the inner circle of leading religious leaders, including Jerry Falwell. He didn't come out until the early 90's, and his journey is an interesting one, so I hope you'll visit the Soulforce site.

I'm not sure I don't want to march, but I want something to march for. It's not about visibility anymore, for if we, whoever "we" are, question whether or not we're visible, look at pop culture. From the adoption of urban slang, hip hop and hip hop apparel by White people, to the supposed metrosexual, marginalized communities have made themselves seen. I want to be more than seen, and even more than heard. How do "we" (women, the poor, immigrants, the disabled, people of color, queers) get respect and get to be taken seriously? That I'll march for.

Read It Here

2005-10-15T13:24:00.000-04:00

If you thought I was kidding, here is the Associated Press report.

So Much for Unity

2005-10-15T13:16:00.000-04:00

According to a late-breaking announcement from Keith Boykin, the opnly Black gay man asked to be a featured speaker at today's Millions More Movement, he was un-invited to speak, just as he was about to ascend the speakers' platform. The chair of the event, Rev. Willie Wilson, whose deeply offensive, heterosexist remarks from the pulpit were exposed this summer, was allegedly the one to make the call.

Sounding like that same ol' same ol' to me. We, Black lesbians and gays, are accepted, but not really. By the way, if you plan to flame me with your anti-gay, abomination nonsense, save your precious Internet time. You'll be immediately deleted. Your abuse will be reported to your ISP. I'm much too angry right now to suffer fools, and believe me, you'll suffer.

Really, What One Thing...

2005-10-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

I was premature in my use of the title "What One Thing." When we talk about difference, we're forced to ask what one thing separates us.

Today's Millions More March commemorates the 10th anniversary of the Million Man March. Unlike the Million Man March, the Millions More March includes women, not just as support but in partnership. And, unlike the Million Man March, we've actually heard the words gay and sexual orientation used as part of the rhetoric.

One of the speakers said that the hopes that unite us are stronger than the differences that divide us. But how many of those differences are really important? Even if the differences are ideological, are these ideologies not simply the things that undergird beliefs of difference, but not the differences themselves?

Sweet Honey in The Rock does a song called "No Mirrors." Here are just a sample of the lyrics:

There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house
There were no mirrors in my Nana's house,
no mirrors in my Nana's house
So, I never knew that my skin was too Black,
and I never knew that my nose was too flat,
and I never knew that my clothes didn't fit,
and I never knew there were things that I missed,
and the beauty that I saw in everything was in her eyes

The voice or storyteller of the song says there were no mirrors in her Nana's house, and so all that she knows about herself, including how she looks and what she has, which speaks to how poor she is, came from what her Nana shares with her. Her Nana doesn't even tell her that she's Black, because she's simply who she is.

In an open letter to those interested in the Millions More Movement, Minister Louis Farrakhan says:

The Millions More Movement is challenging all of us to rise above the things that have kept us divided in the past, by focusing us on the agenda of the Millions More Movement to see how all of us, with all of our varied differences, can come together and direct our energy, not at each other, but at the condition of the reality of the suffering of our people, that we might use all of our skills, gifts and talents to create a better world for ourselves, our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Is this a form of reconciliation? Is this finally a reach-out to the entire Black community, and I do mean the entire community? Is this the first step in acknowledging that none of us are "too Black" or that our clothes don't fit? I'm perfectly willing to accept that what we know is shaped by what we've learned, which is what someone else knows. I'm also willing to accept that what you know has the potential to hurt me physically, financially, spiritually. You're sharing and acting on what you know, given to you by someone else, who shared what they knew. But, at what point do we accept that what we know to be right is wrong, and what we know to be wrong is right? Is that not the one thing that makes us different?

If we can accept that racism, even that which supposedly has Biblical support, is wrong, if we can accept that sexism, even that which supposedly has Biblical roots, is wrong, if we can accept that Biblical support for slavery, dietary laws, revenge and war-mongering, directions for mating, industry, the participation of religious people in a non-religious society, and yes, even consensual psycho-sexual behavior between adults just doesn't make sense for modern times based on ancient practices, then what one thing really divides us?

I once heard a Black lesbian who was a part of the Black Panther Party talk about a disagreement she had with a heterosexual male member of the Party. He suggested that being a lesbian was a betrayal of her Blackness, and that she couldn't make a good Party member. She asked him if she had the ability to work with him, and protect him from the Klan, would he refuse her help because she was a lesbian? And, would he refuse to protect her because she was a lesbian or save her because she was Black?

From Farrakhan's letter:

I cannot fault a Christian pastor for standing on his platform to preach what he believes, nor a Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu or a member of any religious or political party. All of us must be true to what we earnestly believe. I cannot fault a gay or lesbian person who stands on their platform to preach what they believe of self and how the world should view them. Although what we say on our platform may, in some way, be offensive to others, we must not allow painful utterances of the past or present, based on sincere belief, or based on our ignorance, or based on our ideology or philosophy to cripple a movement that deserves and needs all of us—and, when I say all, I mean all of us. We must begin to work together to lift our people out of the miserable and wretched condition in which we find ourselves.

What is the one thing that separates us? Is there really something that makes us different? Is there?

It's Friday at Noah's Place

2005-10-14T10:13:00.000-04:00

Eight straight days of rain. Parts of the NY metro area have so much water that residents are using rowboats to get around. As for me, I've spent the last three days between my bedroom and bathroom because I can't go anywhere else.

It's been five weeks since my surgery, and I'm ready to cut my cast off myself. Fuck physical therapy. I'll just walk around until either my leg goes numb and I can't feel anything, or until it just gets better. Isn't that what our foreparents did anyway? None of this namby-pamby cast bullshit.

And, thanks to whatever, we have mice in the building, and at least one in the apartment. Great. The wife hates mice more than I do, and thanks to my immobility, she's the one to have to deal with them. Nonviolence be damned, I hope the gross little fuckers drop dead, but not in my apartment.

I once moved out of an apartment after seeing one mouse, and I'm not above doing it again as soon as my leg is better. Because the fuckers are nocturnal, I sleep with earplugs so I don't hear anything at night.

So, since I'm home with daytime t.v., let me share my daytime faves:

Cops -- sorry, White people, but nothing beats the sweet schadenfreude of seeing y'all act a fool on national t.v. The moment you mix White people and alcohol, it's on.

Ellen -- it's sweeter than pancakes with syrup. Her more-than-slightly goofy not-really-interviewing guests is a nice way to start the day. Plus, she's the only White person I know that can make middle America comfortable dancing to "Drop It Like It's Hot" and yelling "holla!"

Martha -- she's a tight-assed marketing genius who not only turned homemaking into a multi-million dollar industry, but she is working the hell outta the whole "I've been to jail, so quitcherbitchin" angle.

Court shows -- it used to be that the Jerry Springer show was the only game in town for airing the dirtiest of laundry, but when you add money to the wash, you end up with one helluva rinse.

Anyway, happy Friday. Somebody please send me a cast cutter.

What One Thing...

2005-10-14T02:00:00.000-04:00

One of the blessings in being home on medical leave is watching television and being forced to think, two concepts not always joined together, especially when talking about daytime t.v.

Wednesday's Oprah show looked at America's poor. We were forced to look at the realities of poverty in America when we saw the faces of those who were stuck in New Orleans when Hurricane Katrina hit. Yes, Hurricane Rita did its own share of damage to coastal cities in Texas, but we didn't see the absolute devastation of poverty and helplessness that we were exposed to in New Orleans. The show sent CNN's Anderson Cooper, Maria Shriver, Gayle King, and Oprah out to several small towns, and one city, to talk to people who are living well below the poverty line. Yeah, one could view the show and see it as heavy-handed, but you couldn't walk away with previously held assumptions about what sends someone into poverty or that every poor person is comfortable being poor.

In each profile, the common thread was that one event spiraled into several events that led to being poor and/or homeless. From the town of Pembroke, Illinois, 70 miles outside of Chicago, a town with no infrastructure such as paved roads and running water, or even its own zip code (which would entitle them to direct state and federal aid), to the Appalachians, where a mother of five has to take her children down to the valley on an ATV to drop them off at a school bus stop, to a mother of three who, after being abandoned by her husband of 15-plus years spiraled into depression, unemployment and living in her minivan with her family, we learn these are real people, "good" people. The majority of the homeless and poor in the U.S. aren't drug addicts or alcoholics; certainly, a percentage are simply because of an intense need to dull the pain, they aren't all mentally ill, but depression is rampant among them. It took one event, one factor; illness, unemployment, an unplanned pregnancy, to send a family provider down into a pool of poverty. And it takes one thing, one opportunity, to start to surface.

According to economists and financial talking heads, most Americans are two paychecks away from being poor. What one thing protects us from poverty? And what one thing would send us straight into poverty?

Coming Out Again & Again

2005-10-11T14:15:00.000-04:00

Today, October 11, is National Coming Out Day. NCOD was created to help bring visibility to the gay & lesbian community through coming out; middle America gets a chance to meet someone gay, find out that gays aren't so odd, after all, and perhaps find gays acceptable.

Gays & lesbians kept silent and invisible until the 1969 Stonewall riots, and ensuing public outings like Pride celebrations. We marched in the streets when our gay brothers and lesbian sisters were attacked or discriminated against, and still do. We pushed politicians to create laws that protected our lives, our jobs, our homes. We forced the billion-dollar healthcare and pharmaceutical industry to treat people with AIDS with decency, and stop gouging us with the price of medication. Gays & lesbians have kicked down the doors of city hall and the White House, and although things are far from perfect for us, they're a damn sight better than they might have been.

Why, we even have gay celebrities. My favorites are the celesbians, celebrity lesbians. Celesbians, like daytime talk show host Ellen Degeneres, and her grilfriend, "Arrested Development" actress Portia De Rossi, continue to enjoy success in mainstream America. Melissa Etheridge's battle with breast cancer, her Grammy appearance, complete with chemo-denuded head, and her visit to the Oprah show, officially made her an everywoman. Showtime's "Queer As Folk" and "The L Word" found huge non-gay audiences, and cable t.v. now has 24-hour gay programming on Logo. We are everywhere, but are all of us everywhere?

Where are Black gays and lesbians? Sure, Logo has aired "The Ski Trip," which features an all-Black cast, and will air a new Black gay series, "Noah's Arc" later this month. But, other than Keith Boykin, former Clinton aide, writer and activist, and the only Black gay candidate on Showtime's "The American Candidate," a reality series that featured a cross section of Americans to run for President, we don't have Black gays or lesbians that can be immediately named, except by, well, other Black gays and lesbians (and not necessarily by all of us).

Where are butch lesbians? Even if our gaydar tells us a celesbian is butch, she'll never let it show. k.d. lang and Lea DeLaria are the only butch butches we see, but where are their careers in relation to Ellen's -- hell, all I have to say is "Ellen" and you know who I'm talking about.

I have the distinction of being a butch Black lesbian. Blacks who criticize comparisons between the capital-letter Civil Rights movement and the lower case gay & lesbian civil rights movement argue (and quite aggressively) that you can't compare the two; one can hide one's sexuality, but not their skin color. What about me? I can't help my very obvious lack of femininity. I can't walk in heels, and I tried for most of my teenage years. My hair suffered from years of abuse from heat and chemicals in an attempt to prettify it. I don't have legs that beg to be shown off by a skirt. And, although I could probably learn how to be girly, I don't want to be. I've found my natural fit, and have no desire to change it. Am I less Black because I'm a lesbian or less vital, interesting, or visible as a lesbian because I'm Black?

As cliche as it seems, coming out is a constant for someone like me. Coming Out Day is nice, and I encourage people to come out, for you never know what courage you've given to someone, or example you've set for some troubled young person. Keep coming out, again and again and again.

What A News Day

2005-09-29T15:16:00.000-04:00

Sheesh. What a freakin' day in news.

Roberts has been confirmed to lead the Supreme Court. Let's hope we get a really left justice to balance out Judge Ozzie Nelson.

Constance Baker Motley, legendary attorney and architect for many civil rights cases, including the case that allowed Charlayne Hunter-Gault to attend the University of Georgia, has passed away. How ironic that her death came just before the public announcement of Roberts' confirmation (y'all know he was a shoe-in, don't you?)

It's "Marry Your Baby Daddy" Day here in Brooklyn. Couples are encouraged to get hitched as part of a group ceremony in order to promote 2-parent households in the Black community. And, after the ceremony, they'll be treated to a reception! I've written about this in the past, so I won't rehash. Check out January 6, 2005, from the Archives.

The International Freedom Center won't be built on the World Trade Center site because it's feared that anti-American sentiments may be part of the exhibits, and that would dishonor the 3000-plus that died there. I chose not to say much about this whole thing, but I have to ask, as I have in the past, when will we stop acting as though the stockbrokers, bankers, lawyers, mailroom clerks, dishwashers, pastry chefs, and others who died on September 11 are more worthy of elevation than the thousands of people who die at the hands of the negligent, drunk drivers, criminals, those who die from chronic illness? Why are firefighters and police officers, who take an oath to put their lives on the line every minute of every hour on the job deserving of ongoing heroism, even more so than cops and firefighters, and soldiers who live on and continue to do their job? When will these families let their loved ones go? And why are the victims of the 2001 attacks more deserving of a memorial than the victims of the 1993 bombings at the same site?

But, in good news, the African Burial Ground Memorial in lower Manhattan, was opened today. It is estimated that about 20,000 Blacks were buried on land where the newest federal court building now sits.

Boy, I took a few weeks off and look what happened!

To Out or Not to Out

2005-09-28T12:54:00.000-04:00

Greetings, kids. Foot is okay, I'm okay. I'm coming back. Having said that, I'm going to go back to some things I've explored in the past, especially around sexuality, and I'm starting with the outing question.

Outing refers to the practice of revealing the sexual orientation of notable folk. From celebrities to politicians, the targets of outing fall into one of the following categories:
--someone who may have a lot of money
--someone who may have a lot of power (or access to power)
--someone who has bashed (verbally, legislatively, spiritually) gay and lesbian people
The idea is that by remaining closeted they enjoy the benefits, if you will, of being gay; i.e. they never suffer the stings that some gays and lesbians may suffer, including loss of work, their home, their children. But, they also never allow themselves to serve as examples of the "everyman" whose only difference is same-sex love, and therefore the "we're just like you" that should provide equalization that we've been screaming for since dirt was new.

Outing makes sense from this place, but more often than not, it comes from a place of shame. The latest players in the outing game are activists and writers, Keith Boykin and Jasmyne Cannick. Their respective sites feature a series that asks if prominent Black preachers, known for anti-gay rhetoric, often nasty rhetoric, are gay. On one hand, it is true that many homophobes (or homo-haters, because they don't really fear homosexuals) generally cover up their own insecurities and loathing of their own sexuality with antagonistic behavior, whether through words or actions. These folk do need to be outed for hypocrisy. The problem is that outing them makes their behavior shameful, and makes all levels of sex between men or women shameful. Others who are outed are outed because the larger lesbian & gay community believes that every lesbian or gay man should be out because there is strength in numbers. Being out liberates one from the burden of shame, the burden of dishonesty. This, as I've said, makes us "everyman."

I'm a greater supporter of those of us with the courage to be out to come out. I'm a greater supporter of creating an atmosphere where people, irrespective of class or race, can be out. Yes, America's acceptance of gay people has been helped by celebriqueers like the Fab Five, and Ellen DeGeneres. I believe the Black gay male community has been helped by a sort of "everyman" in "The Real World's" Karamo, an average Black man who looks like an average Black man, and not a sterotype of the Black gay man of the Blaine and Antoine genre, from "In Living Color" (yes, as old as that tired show is, Black folks still think Blaine and Antoine are typical Black queens). Black lesbians still don't have a face, but that's nothing new. Outing doesn't serve as great a purpose as those who "out" seem to think it does. It polarizes an already contentious community, and the anger and resentment created by revealing something that isn't unilaterally seen as a good thing is a crap shoot; you may or may not gain the ally you seek.

I believe lesbians and gay men should see themselves as whole people, and as whole people, should be who they are in all aspects of their lives, public and private, for not all private things ultimately remain private, and not all public things are meant to be public. The 35-plus years since the Stonewall uprising have resulted in great changes for the better for gays and lesbians, but not enough has happened to undo the many years of subjective Biblical teaching that has created the unwholesome holy alliances forged between government and the Christian church in America, which continues to shape policy affecting lesbian and gay Americans. More work needs to be done, but I don't see outing as part of it.

A Short Whassup

2005-09-20T15:54:00.000-04:00

Hey friends! This Thursday will be two weeks since the surgery, which went really well. I'm not in much pain, so therefore I have lots of Oxy-Contin left. I wish I could say that everything is perfect, but sleeping is the one thing that isn't really working out. Oh well.

To ABB, Nugster, WhiteRabb, and my other visitors, thanks for the notes and good wishes. They were well received.

Once I can really figure out how to sit up long enough to really write, I will. Peace out for now.

From Where I Stand Will be Seated

2005-09-08T02:30:00.000-04:00

Yet another reason for dropping those extra pounds: a little thing called pes planus, or flat foot, for the common folk. Yours truly didn't think much about having flat feet until back in May when I was training for a short little road race. I hit the treadmill, did my warm-up walk, and was all set for my run when the most incredible pain shot through my foot and ankle. Silly me, I thought, I must have sprained it. Went to see the ortho, who informed me, after x-rays and a clever little test, that the problem wasn't an ankle injury, but a foot injury. And, it wasn't really an injury, either, it was a degenerative condition called foot deformity caused by the total collapse of the arch in my right foot. The bones in said foot have pushed out to the side, causing pain and misalignment of my ankle, not to mention a nasty bruise from the internal bleeding that resulted from the tearing of the tendon that gives one an arch to begin with, and shortening of my calf muscle (geez, who knew that happened?). Lest you think I was seen by some shyster, this guy is the section chief for foot & ankle stuff, and has performed more than 300 of the procedures I'm about to have, lateral column lengthening. A sugar cube-sized piece of bone will be carved out of my pelvis, shoved into an incision made in my ankle, and anchored by a permanent pin. Why not just the soft tissue repair? Because, kids, I'm too fat to avoid future problems without the bone graft. On the bright side, after 2 non-weight bearing casts and one pneumatic boot later, my foot will be better, stronger, faster. Despite my wife's protestations, I might even be able to run again, which will help me drop more weight. And, hopefully, a steady dose of orthotics for my shoes will keep me from having the same thing done to my left foot, although it would be nice, so to speak, to have scarring symmetry.

I'm sharing my literal and figurative pain with you because my recuperation will put me on my back for at least 6 weeks. Six weeks of no web surfing. No blogging. My days will be whiled away with real books and really bad television, washed down with a two week supply of Oxy-Contin (told you I had a great surgeon). I beg you not to desert me. Read my archives. I may even surprise you and post now and then if I can figure out how to put a chair under my enormous, yet painfully short desk. Someone may be kind and gift me with a PowerBook. I will more than likely work from home, because New Yorkers don't care if you're staggering onto the train with crutches. They won't give up their seat because they figure if you got to the train, you can tough out the ride. I'd rather not end up in jail for beating up some guy pretending to be asleep when me and my extra legs assume a spot in front of him. I'll pass until I have 2 working legs.

So, see you in October. Please don't forget Hurricane Katrina victims. Take advantage of volunteer opportunities. Never let The Man know you're not paying attention. Be good to your kids because they'll pick your nursing home. Make love not war. Mostly, pray.

TTFN!

Helping Hurricane Victims

2005-09-04T02:53:00.000-04:00

There are several relief organizations assisting Hurricane Katrina victims. Please donate to at least one of them. Think you don't have anything? Think about this.

If you smoke at least a pack a day, you've spent anywhere from $5 to $10 dollars.

If you drive a car, you'll spend anywhere from $3.50 to $4.00 per gallon. That comes to $70 to $90 to fill the tank of an average sized car. Drive an SUV and you'll spend more like $100.

If you went out tonight for drinks and dinner with friends, you've spend anywhere from $20 to $50 or more if you're in an urban area.

If you purchased a pair of jeans, another white blouse, or another pair of black shoes, you've spent anywhere from $30 to $100.

I'm not trying to make people grudgingly give, for even the Bible says that God prefers as cheerful giver. I just want you to think about how blessed you are when thousands of people have spent the last week searching for loved ones, or living in garbage-strewn, dangerous conditions, or trying not to go into diabetic shock because of a lack of insulin and food. I just want you to think about being pregnant in tropical heat, without clean water or food, going into labor. Or an infant on a respirator in a hospital with iffy power. Or having a change of clothes when others have been damp for a week. Please, before you think about just how much you need to go to the club with your friends, think about donating the price of one round of drinks.

Donate to:

Amazon.com's fund that goes directly to the American Red Cross

Salvation Army's care package for victims, including food, water, and cleaning supplies

Catholic Charities

United Way

Give.org is a service from the Better Business Bureau that provides guidelines on how to spot reputable and bogus charities. The link above gives a complete list of charities providing hurricane relief.

Thanks, y'all.

Just An Angry Rant

2005-09-03T10:44:00.000-04:00

Like September 11 coverage, I've been innundated, as the country has been as well, with image after image of people trying desperately to save their lives in New Orleans and other Gulf cities. I can't imagine what it must be like to literally have water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink, or thousands of dead beings; people, animals, plants, floating, rotting, spreading disease as they decay. I am angry and saddened by the complete negligence of our government as they respond to people in need. Chris Rock said it best during a press conference announcing a relief benefit: "We have refugees in America. In America!" Bush can help the oil industry, but can't get it together, or get his cronies together to help starving, devastated people first. New Orleans is a city of mostly Black folks, not the Whites living the grand mansioned life among the dripping wisteria. It's a city that has had two Black mayors now. The projects are worse than the mythical Cabrini-Green houses of Chicago. Petty crimes (pickpocketing, car theft) are high because people are hungry. And now, the fucking projects are gone. The wisteria washed away. And everything will now cost more. Thank you, gas-guzzling SUV's and trucks for serving as big boy toys that suck up resource after resource. Thank you Republicans, for pulling the wool over your own eyes, and forcing the rest of us who can see to not only have to wear blinders, but also muzzles to keep from screaming from the rafters what a LOUSY FUCKING JOB YOU'VE DONE RUNNING THIS COUNTRY. Thanks for giving us the high hard one without grease. The people of New Orleans, left without anything at all sure do appreciate your bullshit rewrite of science for your comfort, your forcing marriage definitions for your comfort down our throats, your feeding us bullshit about democracy around the fucking world while clamping down on democratic freedoms right here at home, your taking thousands of soldiers away from this land who should be serving in this land to force our brand of "help" down the throats of people who really didn't ask, leaving people right here who genuinely need help without it. Thanks for giving people desperation to believe that if you have nothing to live for, you're not afraid to die.

I started to feel bad for not feeling bad about all that's happening because I've been celebrating my wife's 40th birthday. But I'm not going to feel bad about it. I've done more in my life to help those in need than the shitbags running our country have done in the last fucking week, and I plan to do more. Let's all plan to do more, and let's plan to get this asshole and everyone who supports him off the fucking throne already. I smell impeachment in the air, and anyone with sense should too.

Happy Birthday, Baby

2005-08-31T09:09:00.000-04:00

Today is my wife's birthday. I'm a sucker for romance, in case you hadn't figured it out, and I'm a sucker for her. I have very fond memories of the first birthday we spent together, mainly because she bolted like a hooker in church (or was that like a priest in a bathouse busted by a camera crew). We knew we were in love, but it was way too scary for her because this relationship was just what she wanted. You know, that's the funny thing about love, which hardcore hets just don't get. Don't share the gender of the people in a sweet love story, and they'll assume it's a man and woman. Tell them afterwards it's two men, or two women, and they just can't put it together. Oh, well. Sucks when love works and it ain't what you thought it was suppose to be, eh? But this isn't a gay rights post. Trust me, one will come soon.

This is an ode to an outstanding woman. She's selfless. I often have to remind her to save some for me. She's incredibly kind, and incredibly sweet. She's the smartest person I know, and one of the hardest-working. I, on the other hand, am a lazy waste-sack, but that's due to my own insecurities about my real vocation, the subject of another post. The wife is beautiful and sexy, funny, and great to be around. If she's having a bad day, you'd never know it, because it would interfere with your day.

So, here are my birthday wishes for you, my love. Take them to heart.

1. Please take care of your physical health. You're now 40. The things you used to do are history. We've talked about what you need to do, and the health legacy you come from.

2. Stop trying to make other people's dreams come true, and work on your own, even if it means you stop trying to make other people's dreams come true.

3. Keep laughing. You have a great laugh, and laughing keeps you young.

4. Take risks and ask for what you want, whether or not you know what the answer to your question is. You might be wrong -- it is possible.

5. Cry when you want to, even if it means that people will see you at what you think is your worst. Who gives a rat's ass anyway?

6. Remember you have people in your corner, and even if they don't do what you want the way you want it done, they'll still do it, so ask for help.

7. Remember I'm your biggest fan and always will be.

Happy birthday, baby.

Prayers

2005-08-31T08:39:00.000-04:00

I send my prayers for everyone affected by Hurricane Katrina. I ask God to comfort, deliver, and give courage.

And More WTF News

2005-08-30T12:52:00.000-04:00

It was announced today that the nation's poverty rate rose. Screw whatever the numbers are for they're irrelevant except to anyone who isn't living below the generous poverty line of less than $19,000. Of note:

The South is the poorest
Blacks are the poorest ethnic group
The city with more than one million residents that saw the highest increase in the number of people living under the poverty line is New York, despite the Northeast having the highest increase in income, along with the West
Incomes dropped only in the Midwest

Looks like red staters got the old red-bum salute. Can we please start thinking about a better President? Now?

Today's WTF News

2005-08-30T10:21:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm starting to hit the news wall, and it's only morning. A man in Kansas is about to go to jail for statutory rape. That's not the bizarre part. The bizarre part is that he's married to his victim; he's 22, she's 14. And both their parents are in favor of the marriage because they have a 5-month-old daughter.

In addition to the support of the parents for this guy, there are also state residents who think the Attorney General ought to go after "real" criminals. Sorry, what part of sex between a grown man or grown woman and a teenager isn't a crime? Didn't Mary Kay Letourneau go to jail for her relationship with a 14-yer-old? Why shouldn't this guy go to jail -- because he's a present father? If he's such a stand-up guy, why didn't he ABSTAIN from having sex with a 14-year-old, no matter how persuasive she may have been, or mature she may have seemed? And, if he's such a non-criminal, or pseudo-criminal, since there's such a clarion call for catching "real" criminals, why didn't he wear a condom?

I really need to stop reading the news. It's sending my blood pressure way up.

Will The REAL Christians Please Stand Up?

2005-08-23T20:34:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry, but is every Christian in America, in North America,in the free world completely asleep? When did Pat Robertson become such an icon of Christianity? Surely you've heard the news by now, but if you haven't, read this.

Oh, for the love of God.

They Just Don't Get It

2005-08-22T09:38:00.000-04:00

According to an article in The Progressive, a group of people were strong-armed and bullied out of questioning Rick Santorum at a book signing at a Pennsylvania Barnes & Noble. Read the article for the details. Essentially, it's typical of the "I don't have an answer, but you're just wrong anyway" culture we've adopted.

In 5th grade, I asked my teacher, Mrs. Miller, to explain why the Declaration of Independence said all men were created equal, but slavery, applying only to Blacks, existed at the same time. She couldn't. In her defense, she didn't make me feel like a troublemaker, nor did she dismiss my question. She said she just couldn't explain it.

Ask a conservative why same-sex marriage is such a threat to families in America, when divorce rates are around 50%, and were, long before gays expressed public interest in legal protection for their relationships, and they'll give you a wordy, confused answer like marriage protects children by providing both a mother and a father, blah blah.

Ask a Christian to explain why homosexuality is wrong, but eating cheeseburgers isn't, they'll give you some nonsensical answer like, God said it (homosexuality) is an abomination, but never tell you that the same was said of mixing meat and milk, which is what a cheeseburger is.

Ask a Christian to explain why abortion is a sin, but capital punishment is justified, and they'll give you a hack answer like "God created life, and it isn't up to man to take it away."

Ask a war-supporter to explain why we're about to spend four more years in Iraq, and they'll tell you it's to help spread freedom and democracy and stop terrorism, but we still have young Black men and gays and lesbians falling victim to hate crimes, women still being killed by their psychopath partners, and abortion clinics being bombed here on American soil.

I'm growing increasingly tired of being the person who sees the elephant in the room when no one else does. They just don't get it, and something has to give.

Sigh.

What Will You Do on Sept. 11?

2005-08-18T14:44:00.000-04:00

An article in today's Times discusses two sides of the 9/11 (or worse, 9-1-1) commemoration: go on with life and plan things like celebrations on that day, or mark it solemnly; conduct no business, hold no concerts, volunteer.

I think it's all hypocrisy. We can barely commemorate Martin Luther King's birthday; it's usually a sale day, or the Monday off from work creates an excuse for a Sunday night party. We don't mark the bombing of the Murrah building in Oklahoma City (April 19, by the way) or the Columbine shooting (April 20). We don't note the bombing of Hiroshima, where more than 200,000 died at American hands,except through newspaper articles. We don't mark Juneteenth, the day when slaves in Texas learned of their emancipation, several months after the Emancipation Proclamation. We don't have a real reason for President's Day; which used to be two separate days, but lumped together for whatever the reasons.

We pay attention to the things that make us most comfortable. Groups are fighting the International Freedom Center's placement at the World Trade Center memorial site, yet they haven't come out to say anything about rebuilding the site. If it's such hallowed ground, why build anything over it at all? Sacredness didn't stop the new federal courthouse in lower Manhattan from being built over a Negro burial ground, nor did the development of towns and cities over native American burial grounds cease. No, the issue is not about what is holy or sacred. The issue is what will keep anti-American sentiment, which the IFC has insisted will never be a part of its exhibits, minimized, or quashed altogether.

I'll get reamed for this, and that's fine. Each time we lose someone, we reopen the wound caused by their death whenever we recreate, relive, retell the story of their demise. Does the retelling, the replaying of images of that fateful day, make them any less absent? Bring them back? Isn't the re-publishing of the photo of the second plane in proximity of the second tower the same as picking at a scab that hasn't completely healed? Will the wound ever heal?

I believe we should never forget the loss of a loved one. But I also believe that we'll never heal if we don't let them go. They're gone, and aren't coming back. I believe we honor life by living. Living a life filled with pseudo-politeness is hypocrisy. Do you tell your children born on September 11 that they never get to celebrate their lives? Make them feel guilty for living when others died? Do you avoid getting married, celebrating a wedding anniversary? For that matter, we should never laugh, sing, or dance on April 19, April 20, June 19, or August 6.

Let's live. Let's celebrate life. We need to stop romanticizing the deaths that occurred on September 11th. 3000-plus people died needlessly, even the rescue workers who did their jobs. It's bad enough that corporations and governments handed out money to surviving families, as if that would ease the pain of grief. It's bad enough that victims' families get to drag out the nation's grief, and the government puts us in a war we still don't understand. Let's live. Enough already.

Enough With The Niceties

2005-08-18T10:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm back because I'm bordering on depressed and pissed; don't know which one is stronger at the mo, but who cares.

Anyway, let's start with the pissed.

The Cindy Sheehan Story
I haven't said much about the Cindy Sheehan story, but I'll offer this: did she have a meeting with GWB, as in, they spent some time together, they shared their POV's, they came to an agreement, even if it was to agree to disagree, or did they meet, as in shake hands at a pancake breakfast or something? If it was the former, okay, she probably should go home. If it was the latter, it wasn't a meeting, and the tools accusing her of letting the pinko anti-war movement use her are full of caca. Feel free to let me know. Oh, and the nice guy who ran over a bunch of crosses with his truck was probably a Christian. Nice way to win one for Jesus, dude.

The Gaza Situation
Here's another one, where I welcome edification. So, according to a very informative editorial in today's New York Times, we learn that Israel seized the Gaza strip in the Israel-Egypt war in 1967, meaning it wasn't really Jewish land to begin with, but then neither was the nation of Israel, formed with the help of the U.N. in 1948. The faces of the Jews appearing in the news that are so devastated by the Gaza handover are young, clearly too young to know how their settlement was created. And,while I'm making no effort to appear either pro-Palestinian or pro-Israel, no one's hands, Israeli or Palestinian, are clean. Europeans got one more chance to seize another piece of land held by brown people, and brown people fed up with being treated like crap have waged a war since then that has spread across continents and hit anyone and everyone indiscriminately. No one is right, and something has to change or we'll all end up nuclear dust under the cockroach's feet.

The Housing Bubble in New York City
I've really held my tongue on this one because it's an extremely sensitive subject, which moves me from furious to depressed. So, similar to my comments on gay life, and whether or not we've created the dysfunction we now see (thanks PK for the spot-on comments), have we created the "fabulous" monster in the housing market? What the hell is going on when putting stainless steel in an apartment makes it worthy of twice the rent for one with a reconditioned stove, both in a crime-ridden, grocery store-free neighborhood? Why the hell should I pay half a million dollars for 500 square feet -- just because it's in a "fabulous" neighborhood? Brooklyn used to be a great place to live because it wasn't Manhattan, and you didn't have to pay Manhattan dollars. No one wanted to live in Harlem, which is another subject, and now shells without a roof and no walls are selling for $800,00 and climbing. I have to build my own fucking house, and still pay nearly a million dollars to do it? I'm seriously considering not just leaving New York City, but leaving the state, and possibly the country. On a household income of $98,000, what the fuck am I supposed to live in, a studio in the projects?

And, Who Bleepin' Asked You, Asswipe?

This piece of stained toilet paper was a comment on one of my posts (not the one from the Nuggster, the "newsletter"). Because I'm still trying to learn the ins and outs of Blogger.com, I haven't figured out how to delete it, or better block this shit. If I find out who the fuck you are and why you've littered my space, may the Almighty have mercy on you. Anyone else feel like leaving their detritus behind, think twice, because I'm not in a good mood. Don't do it.

In conclusion, I leave you with the immortal words of Drill Sargeant Harvey Walden IV, from the VH1 show, "Celebrity Fit Club," have a great BLEEPING day!

The Hot List

2005-08-18T01:10:00.000-04:00

Summer is winding down. I'm feeling a little cranky, and there are far too many rotten things to write about, so I'll shift my focus instead to something completely frivolous, if only for a minute.

So, here is my current list of the 10 most beautiful women in my opinion.

10. Kate Beckinsale -- stunning in The Aviator, luscious in Van Helsing.
9. Keira Knightley -- I think I have a thing for British women, although she's a bit too skinny for me.
8. Jada Pinkett Smith & Beyonce Knowles -- lest you think I don't like Black women. I just like pretty women.
7. Halle Berry -- skinny too, but really pretty.
6. Monica Bellucci -- after peepin' her in a latex dress in The Matrix Reloaded and watching her breast struggle to stay in the red vinyl joint in The Matrix Revolutions, I felt kind of guilty thinking she made a hot Mary Magdalene in The Passion of The Christ, but there was something a bit de Sade-ish about the movie anyway.
5. Jill Scott -- I also like thick pretty women.
4. Halle Berry -- Gorgeous. What the hell was Eric Benet thinking?
3, 2, and 1 -- Catherine Deneuve. Oh, my God. She gets her own paragraph.

Catherine Deneuve is the kind of old broad (not literally, but she will be 62 this year) I would love to be. Actually, she's the kind of old broad my wife will be. Great features, great body, smoky voice, the accent. You want to walk the streets of Paris with her, share a meal with her, drink too much wine, and wake up to have cafe au lait and brioche with her. Like most over-30 lesbians, I saw and loved her in The Hunger, but she's smoldering in 8 Femmes (8 Women), a French murder mystery/musical (you have to see it to get it). Check this out for yourself (she's on the far left, top row). Actually, this one is my favorite.

Okay, after you submit your nominee for hottie, stay tuned. I promise I'll get back to some good old-fashioned ranting before you know it.

And How Could I Forget...

2005-08-12T10:50:00.000-04:00

70,000 people were stranded in London's Heathrow Airport thanks to a strike by catering staff. Numerous flights were canceled, leaving people scrambling for alternate arrangements.

I thought bomb threats and racial unrest in London was reason enough to skip my planned trip this year, but damn! At least my black ass could get home.

WTF News & Other Goodies

2005-08-12T10:14:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday, friends! Short & to the point today, although things can change.

We Knew This Was Coming

Actor James Woods shares his opinion on why Hollywood movies are crap. Blah, blah, blah, blather, blather, blather, eventually summing up by saying the problem is that White heterosexual guys have to be low lifes, or ths movie won't sell. Read it here if you don't believe me. The endangered straight White guy was bound to speak out some time.

I'll Get You, My Pretty, and Your Little Dog Too

Crybaby Jarrod Crowley, a sausage & lemonade vendor ratted out 2 kids running a lemonade stand, claiming they were undercutting his business because they were too close to his. I suppose I understand his position. He has to earn a living, and it's not like people won't see two kids selling lemonade, and not succumb to the all-Americanness of it, thus skipping ol' Jason's stand. But, for pete's sake, dude, quitcher bitchin. It's lemonade. These are kids. It's not like they're running a thousand-dollar Girl Scout cookie stand. And how about the owner of the sausage franchise, opening his heart and making the boys subcontractors to him. Wonder what his cut is, the benevolent prince?

Pot & Kettle

Anyone who doesn't think this madness is tragically funny doesn't know what funny is. Or tragic. As anyone paying attention to the sex abuse scandals in the Catholic Church knows, there's a lot of, shall we say, protection, going on, as well as Moral Superiority. So, in the latest CathChurch scandal, Monsignor Eugene Clark, the number two guy at St. Patrick's Cathedral, resigns amid allegations that he's having an affair with his married secretary (who, in almost relieved tones, is always clearly stated as female). The secretary's husband suspected something fishy was going on, and hired a private dick to tail the wife, busting her and the good father leaving a motel room dressed in clothes other than the ones they arrived in some FIVE HOURS LATER. The padre's statement is this:

"It appears to me that events and circumstances have been portrayed in such a false and sensational manner that I will no longer be able to effectively serve the archdiocese."

Read that carefully, kids. He doesn't say that what he's accused of is false, just that the events are circumstances were portrayed falsely. What makes this so damn delicious is that this man has made a point of blaming priest pedophilia on immoral American culture and the admitting of homosexuals into seminary. He was the host of a cable show on Catholic family life, which is scary in its own way, but I digress. According to news reports, the woman has spent weekends with the Monsignor, even if it meant skipping time with her own family.

I'm not going to jump on the "this is why celibacy for the priesthood doesn't work" thing, because I believe a promise is a promise. If you take vows, which aren't kept secret from you until you take them, then stick to them. Otherwise, step down or don't swear yourself in. Just don't be a hypocrite. You've got to be endowed with steel cojones to decry immorality, and then bust up a home, and violate one of the foundations of your vocation. Sheesh!

Oh, well. It is what it is. Thanks for tuning in, kids. Until next time!

What The Hell Happened to TV?

2005-08-12T02:30:00.000-04:00

Great Caesar's Ghost, what the hell happened to tv? You're either stuck with shows featuring teeny boppers, or 20-somethings posing as teeny boppers, or grown folks sharing the stage with teeny boppers. Or, you're stuck with the 2 most unimaginative, stupid subject matters on the planet: doofus White guys and their never-ending pursuit of the puss, or the reality show, a.k.a. "I can't come up with a real story, so let me find a burned out group of people, like has-been or pseudo celebrities, and convince them to humiliate themselves on national tv with the promise of fame and fortune, or at least fame."

The latest of the former of my targets is "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," a summer entry on FX. What a pantload, considering that FX has turned out gems like "Nip/Tuck" (which I don't actually watch, but my wife loves), "Rescue Me," featuring eternal dark horse Denis Leary, and critically-acclaimed "The Shield." "Blah blah blah Philly" is the brainchild of three doofus White guys who I think play themselves, who run a bar, with a female friend in Philly. In the first episode, one of the guys tries his best to prove he isn't racist by picking up a girl at predominantly-Black Temple University (the alma mater of one William H. Cosby). He makes an ass of himself, and she dumps him in front of his actual love interest. Another character buddies up to the Black gay friend of the female because Brotha Man is a successful party owner. The twist is that he turns the crew's tanking bar into the new hot gay spot, but of course, the doofus crew can't handle the gay thing, so they bail. Tonight's episode, the second, features another two-headed story, that of possible paternity by the Black booty-chaser, and another dude picking up women at, drumroll please, an anti-abortion rally. Needless to say, Dumb Ass finds and nails a hot pro-lifer, but gets dropped like first-period calculus by a stoner when he suggests she should get an abortion at a pregnancy scare.

In contrast, is the strangely clever "Starved," a Schadenfreude-esque dramedy centered around a compulsive overeater who prefers watching football over sex with his wife, an anorexic actress who pretends to be gay because her fans prefer her gay, a hot Black male cop who is bulimic, and an anorexic/bulimic White guy with a slight addiction to Nemo's chocolate frosted caked that he tries to avoid eating by covering with cleanser before throwing away, although he figures out how to eat around the cleanser. You can't help but laugh at the misfortune of these freaks; a successful accountant jonesin' for corner-store cake, who in the second episode, tries to hook up with his colonic technician; the schlub who, in the real world, couldn't get laid if a vagina was surgically attached to his penis, has a wife who is always horny; a Black man who binges and purges -- what Black man is tryin' to throw up one of Big Mama's meals?

Now, the writers of "Starved" need to talk to the producers of reality tv, which just needs to die as natural a death as low-carb diets. Does Omarosa not have a real profession that she manages to show up on reality show after reality show? Few reality shows manage to be almost as imaginative as "The Real World," the MTV show that started it all. At least TRW brought serious social issues to America, including AIDS, class and race, honest portrayals of gays and lesbians, and substance abuse. What the hell is "Fear Factor" doing? How compelling is watching couples eat pig testicles week after week?

I suppose this means I should really watch less tv, but like the freaks on "Starved," I'm addicted in my own way, even paying more than a hundred bucks a month for digital cable with hundreds of channels. I don't want to give up tv, I just want it to get better.

Gone are the flights of fancy like "Good Times," "Charlie's Angels," "All In The Family." In the immortal screech of Archie and Edith Bunker, those were the days.

Great Sites & Blogs

2005-08-11T11:04:00.000-04:00

Although I've tried BlogRoll, I can't seem to figure out how to get the sites & blogs I recommend up on my blog, so apologies to y'all who have added me to your sites. Help a sista out -- sned my dumb ass some instructions so I can share the love properly!

Anyway, in the meantime, here are folks you must check out.

Angry Black Bitch -- eponymous; smart, right on chick out of St. Louis with interesting take on lots of things. We're starting a revolution of angry black bitches, so be on the lookout for the t-shirt, mug and keychain.

the blog of edroso.com -- this cat's vocab is scary. One of the smartest and coolest guys I know.

ThoughtNuggets -- she does put the FUN in dysfunctional.

Keith Boykin -- Black gay man who I think is an outstanding voice of the Black gay & lesbian community. Visit some of the blogs he links to.

IllumiNation Chorale, a choir destined for great things.

Michael Allan Moore is a friend, a talented singer, and a gifted photographer. His work is photography mashed up with watercolors. Buy his stuff now before he blows up.

I'm going to try to keep this list updated as I'm always finding new faves.

Have We Created a Monster?

2005-08-10T09:57:00.000-04:00

Last night, Britain's BBC2 aired a documentary called "Sad to Be Gay," the story of a Black gay man in Britain who explores sexual orientation re-programming, talks about his sad childhood, and his loneliness as an adult gay man. Although he identifies as gay, he believes he's really bisexual, and spends time in the U.S. at Love in Action, a now-notorious ex-gay "camp" to look at his desires for men, and how he can refocus them, including classes for men on learning to like auto repair and football.

Exploring David Akinsanya's life, we learn that his White mother placed her child, sired by a Nigerian father, in care (what we'd call foster care), and he has some understandably jacked-up family issues. Essentially, he's raised fatherless. Actually, he's kind of non-parented. Mostly, he sounds really lonely.

I haven't seen the program. I've only read a couple of online stories about the documentary, but he sounds like most (not all) of the ex-gays you hear from. They're lonely. They had lousy childhoods. They've tried to fit in to the narrow definitions of "gay life;" i.e. parties, bars, drag, lots of acquaintances, lots of anonymous sex, unfaithful boyfriends (if there is, or was, one), emphasis on a beautiful face and body, camp. David wants to love and be loved, like everyone else. But is his search for love based solely on being gay?

My partner has a dear friend, someone she calles her sister, whose story is remarkably similar to David Akinsanya's. After experiencing horrible self-esteem issues, emotional, sexual and physical abuse, an abysmal family system, abusive partners, both male and female, "Little Sister" found our merry band of friends, consisting of my partner and I, and another lesbian couple. We adopted her, held her while she cried, helped her move and welcomed her on our couches until she acted out her pain on us, forcing us to ask her to leave. She was there when our friends announced their pregnancy. She was one of my partner's bridesmaids. She was there to celebrate my 35th birthday. We were there when her last female lover had her arrested on trumped-up charges of menacing and theft. Little Sister, previously living near the four of us in Brooklyn, moved herself to a far end of the Bronx, stopped attending the gay-affirming church we all went to, and submitted herself to a church so intent upon removing the stain of homosexual desire that they orchestrated a sexual encounter with an older male deacon of the church, a married man. We rarely see her, and rarely hear from her. Every now and then she surfaces, convinced that it was her desire for women that put her in the predicament she's in now; lonely, isolated, depressed.

Putting aside non-gay or lesbian or SGL Judeo-Christian fundamentalist rhetoric, are gays, lesbians, SGL, queer people responsible for people like David Akinsanya and Little Sister? Have we made "the life" seem so glamorous that they can't keep up? By glamorous, I mean shiny and bright, extremely social, convivial, hedonistic, even. Have we bottled and sold a brand of hubris that drives some straight into the pseudo-rescue of ex-gay programming? Are we expecting baby dykes and newborn twinks to drink the kool-aid of fabulousness, only to have the artificial colors and flavors in the glass bring on a case of emotional anaphylactic shock to the allergic?

There are some in the queer community (I'm getting tired of the initials -- if you don't identify as queer, just exchange it for your own definition) who think that we are so different, that we are shiny happy people, that anything resembling what straights are thought to have, who've created their own brand of hubris, is assimilationist. Perhaps it isn't that those of us who do prefer a quiet life of monogamy, a kid or two, a nice place to live, and even a ceremony ritualizing the commitment we've already emotionally made, are trying to be like everyone else, but that we're the odd ones. Lesbians are stereotypically accused of being ugly, mannish, humorless man-haters who bring a U-Haul on the third date. Yet, we see younger lesbians throwing their own circuit parties, dropping E and having as much sex as possible -- who are they imitating? The white gay men often cited as representatives of gayness. But why? Black queers, reacting to what they perceive as racism or exclusion from traditional Pride celebrations, have formed Black Pride events that look oddly similar to, yep, you guessed it, traditional Pride celebrations. Some sort of arts program (fashion shows, poetry slams, balls, art exhibit) is thrown in, the requisite picnic (probably the only thing you don't see in a traditional Pride celebration) and beach party, complete with a beautiful body contest. There are parties on each night of the weekend, with a dance music diva performing. I don't see a substantive, this is what we've been missing kind of thing difference at all. Is this not, again, imitating what White queers have done for years and years?

Maybe we've created the monster we love to hate. Maybe it isn't all so shiny and bright.

Let The Bitchfest Begin

2005-08-09T15:17:00.000-04:00

New York Republicans are quietly slipping in the chick factor to bolster the Senate race between incumbent Hilary Rodham Clinton and Westchester District Attorney Jeanine Pirro, the GOP's candidate positioned to unseat Clinton. What's the GOP's strategy, you ask? Classic bitchery, drag out the spotted past of Mr. Clinton, William Jefferson Clinton, that is, one of the finest Presidents of this great country (it's my blog, so piss off if you don't like my assessment). He was impeached, after all. Not that Mr. Pirro is an innocent. Why, old Al, a fundraiser for the GOP, was jailed for 11 months for income tax evasion, charges that included illegal deductions for luxury cars, the costs of fighting a paternity suit, and care for the family's pet pigs. Bill got busted for lying about getting a hummer from an intern who made the mistake of telling a big mouthed hag. Impeachment merely means you've been charged with a crime. Charged with lying, going to jail for stealing. I'd rather have the liar, thanks.

But back to the estrogenity. So, in newspaper stories, the GOP pushes Ms. Pirro as the best person to unseat Hilary because she's an ethnic Catholic who is a blue stater on social issues, and a red stater on fiscal and criminal issues. Hilary is portrayed, again, in the most tiresome way, as a carpetbagger, using New York as a stepping stone for her own climb up the political ladder. And Jeanine isn't? Isn't moving from Attorney General to state Senator a move up? What about her alleged claim that the run, win or lose, puts her further in the public's eye, scoring her more national visibility (she's already a legal analyst for Fox News, according to today's New York Times)? According to Republican commentator Michael Edelman, are New Yorkers "sophisticated enough to make a distinction between Jeanine and whatever Al may have done in the past," but not sophisticated enough to make the same distinction between Hilary and Bill?

It's all smoke and mirrors. The Times has quotes from as many women as the New York State GOP could trot out since this is a blue state, after all. We want to hear from women, even if it's a crock. Editorials are flying about whose husband is the most dastardly. And quite frankly, I'm not convinced it wouldn't happen if these weren't two women running against each other, thus the bitchery. The race, which should be based on who can best represent the people of New York State on the national level, is instead turned into a mud wrestling contest. The hottest chick with the longest claws will be declared the winner.

Yet again, Republicans have demonstrated that their first priority is maintaining the high status of the White, heterosexual father. They'll trot out the "others" when necessary, or court them when necessary, but it all comes back to good ol' boys being good ol' boys.

Let the bitchfest begin.

Not Our Finest Hour Indeed

2005-08-09T10:57:00.000-04:00

When did hip hop go from an urban subculture, replete with its own visual and aural language, to a commercial and trivial expression of the worst depictions of urban life?

When did "keepin' it real" become a glamorization of urban warfare?

Who decided that real hip hop was exemplified by lyrics that encourage carefree violence?

When did our righteous anger at unemployment, undereducation, poverty, and racism degrade into celebrations of drug dealing, denigration of women, and materialism without responsibility?

Why is 50 Cent supposed to be more real than Common?

When did hip hop go from being the love of one's life to being an aged street whore?

Why must every hip hop disagreement end with violent threats or death?

Why do poor Black and Latino kids aspire to be rappers and not doctors?

Why do so many of our kids know rap lyrics but can barely read?

When did White people get permission to morph hip hop into grotesque buffoonery? Why did Black people decide it was okay just to get a piece of the pie?

When did young women become convinced that slapping each other as hard as possible was an acceptable form of entertainment and way to make a fast dollar?

America's fascination with the grotesque, the violent, has found its way into urban America. New York's major hip hop radio station, Hot 97, no stranger to controversy, agreed to pay a punitive fine of $240,000 for its production of "Smackfest." In Smackfest, two young women are pitted against each other in a contest where they slap each other in the face as hard as possible, with the winner declared by the radio personality (or personalities). Five rounds, $500.

Sure, it's easy to criticize Smackfest and say little about Extreme Fighting, televised contests where average guys risk life and limb in an organized brawl. It's easy to hold Smackfest under a microscope, when boxing is one of the highest grossing forms of entertainment (I'm not sure for me, if it's a sport), and when professional wrestling, staged or not, is as well. Violence sells as well as sex. We can only look at video games, and the proliferation of those games that employ fantasy violence or animated crime, and how much money they earn, as examples. What disturbs me so much about Smackfest is the message it sends to young Black and Latino women. The voluntary participants in this fiasco are young women who either believe they're "representin' " for their 'hood, or believe a simple slap is an easy way to make money, or an easy way to prove how whatever they are; tough, survivors of an ugly way of life, capable of overcoming crappy circumstances. These girls are duped into thinking this is cool. Why Emmis Communications, the parent company of Hot 97, issued a lame statement:

"Despite the fact that the contestants voluntarily participated in what was supposed to be harmless entertainment, it was not our finest hour, and New York City deserves better."

Is the voluntary participation what makes gratuitous violence acceptable? What exactly is harmless about slapping someone as hard as possible? Among the videos available on the web, is one where a contestant ends up with a bloody lip. And what is entertaining about it?

Hot 97 is no stranger to controversy, and neither is radio in New York City. From Opie and Anthony's staged sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral, to terrified screams accompanying dialogue after 9/11, to song lyrics rife with racial epithets and profanity accompanying dialogue after another tragedy, that of last December's tsunami disaster. While I am not a fan of Howard Stern, what distinguishes Stern's antics from those of Hot 97's is that he's a White guy, paid by other White guys, targeting everybody, but staying just above the mire enough to be annoying. Opie and Anthony are also tasteless White guys, paid by other tasteless White guys. The mostly Black staff of Hot 97 takes its marching orders from White guys, and they've been duped into thinking it's okay to drag other people of color through the muck, egged on by White guys.

I'm not saying Smackfest, the Tsunami Song, the shootings outside Hot 97's offices, and probably more offensive things, would be any more acceptable if they came from a Black-owned station. We're certainly critical enough of BET, which incidentally is now partially White-owned. It is sad that Black folks are willing to whore themselves, accept any line of bull handed to them, and turn around and criticze you for calling them on it. And, too many of us are willing to forgive and forget; Emmis Communications, in addition to the fine, is donating $60,000 to Safe Horizon, an anti-violence organization.

Marcus Garvey, whether you love or hate him, was right when he said "Up, you mighty race. You can accomplish what you will." New York does deserve better. So does this mighty race.

Endings

2005-08-08T11:28:00.000-04:00

Peter Jennings, the handsome and charming news anchorman that brought his own brand of delivery to the news. More than just the facts, and more than stilted delivery, he made the news kinda sexy.

"Queer As Folk," which represented everyone and no one in the gay community. Love it or hate it, I was probably the only queer in America that didn't expect it to represent me, and was able to appreciate it for that reason.

Ibrahim Ferrer, the gifted voice of the Cuban music renaissance. The wife and I had the extreme pleasure of seeing him live in Montreal on a snowy February evening. Simultaneously cool and spicy, his voice made you want to stare deeply into the eyes of the one you love while sitting on a moonlit beach.

"Like sands in the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

Studies in Black & White

2005-08-08T10:20:00.000-04:00

Why is it that White people find it so easy to dismiss real consideration for people of color as deference to political correctness? Of course, it's a rhetorical question, as there is no real answer, just as Mrs. Miller, my 5th grade teacher, didn't have an answer for the question I posed, which was, "why did slavery exist if the Declaration of Independence declared that all men were created equal." Please don't misread my question as limiting the question of racism to Whites only. In the wake of the debate on the use of profiling, pro and con, in subway searches, we've heard from people of color, Muslim and not, who not only support the searches, but think they should take place in every station, and should be more thorough. My question is about broader considerations of race and ethnicity, considerations of difference in society.

A young Black man was attacked in the Flatlands neighborhood of Brooklyn, a neighborhood with a mix of Jews, a few Italian families, and Caribbean immigrants. Walking home early Sunday morning, he was beaten by a half-dozen White men. Were it not for the intervention of a couple driving by, he would have been killed. In contrast, a human interest story in this morning's Metro, profiles 14-year-old Medina Parrilla, a young Black girl who recently represented the U.S. in the World Youth Championship Chess Tournament. Already, she being touted as the Bobby Fischer of the Bronx.

Would Medina Parrilla be as interesting if her ethnicity wasn't mentioned, just that she was one of only two Americans to place in the top 25 percentile, 24th out of 110 international competitors? Would Alex Moore have been the victim of a reprehensible attack by a pack of thugs? Will a term like "wilding" be coined to describe the behavior of these hoodlums, and Nicholas Minucci, the bat wielder accused in the recent Howard Beach incident? What about the attacks on Sikhs following 9/11?

When attacks woven with racist elements take place; e.g. racial epithets, targeting a group of people by the way they look, it's not a lack of "political correctness" that is upsetting, as if we should sum up the disgusting behavior of assailants as a case of boys-will-be-boys. Those of us who know all too well that we could have been in the victim's shoes aren't being sensitive. We're pissed off, and with reason. What is politically incorrect is shrugging off this stuff as simple. It isn't.

And because society hasn't yet become comfortable with the notion of difference as just a notion, there isn't anything simple.

Day of Fame or Infamy?

2005-08-05T16:13:00.000-04:00

Saturday, August 6 will be filled with mixed emotions. 60 years ago, the U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on the Japanese city of Hiroshima. 43 years ago, the island nation of Jamaica was granted its independence from Great Britain.

Interestingly, the first film in the British-produced 007 series, "Dr. No," takes place on the island of Jamaica (released in 1962), with the eponymous villain possessing a nuclear warhead which he threatens the world with as part of operations for the criminal organization SPECTRE (Special Executives for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion). The villain, half-White, half-Asian, in a conversation with hero James Bond, says: "East, West, points on a compass, each as stupid as the other."

I'm no expert on atomic energy, but it is said that Albert Einstein, arguably one of the greatest minds of our time, was instrumental in harnessing its use. He is quoted as saying:
"The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one."

I wonder what the existing problem was, considering how urgently the world needs to manage the problem of readily accessible (okay, maybe not a accessible as bread, or a newspaper, but still) nuclear ingredients and bomb-making info. I wonder too if Einstein ever envisioned the crucial reality of terrorism, which invariably is accompanied by counterintelligence, revenge and extortion. I wonder if he ever imagined that his work with the atom, the smallest component of any thing, would morph into the greatest potential source of destruction imaginable.

I wonder if the approximately 2 million Jamaican residents know that the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, three days later, killed what would amount to approximately 10 percent of Jamaica's population. I wonder if the 50,000 expected to commemorate the bombing of Hiroshima in Japan know that while they cry, Jamaicans commemorate something entirely different. I wonder if both countries, with the U.S. in the middle, share concerns about the impossibility of maintaining peace while preparing for war.

"World domination. Same old dream. Our asylums are full of people who think they're Napoleon or God. " -- James Bond

Let's hope and pray they remain in the asylums and not end up controlling things.

Profiles in Cluelessness

2005-08-04T15:58:00.000-04:00

And in this week's edition of WTF News, Brooklyn Democratic Assemblyman Dov Hikind, a Jew (representing gentrifying Flatbush and mainly Jewish Boro Park), and Republican Councilman James Oddo, an Italian-American representing parts of Staten Island and Brooklyn (including Bensonhurst, no stranger to racial unrest), both think the subway searches should be based on profile. I mention the locale, party affiliation, and cultural distinction for a reason.

Both politicians, who could be unseated in the next races, believe that because terrorists of late have been mostly young Arab men, the police should stop any young man who is, or looks Arab, or Muslim. Says Hikind:

"There is a terrorist profile for a potential suicide bomber, and it's not the 75-year-old grandmother with sloping shoulders, who has an oversized tote bag firmly tucked under her arm."

Says Oddo:
"Plain and simply, young Arab fundamentalists are the individuals undertaking these acts of terror."

I'm not going to dwell on the obvious, like the White kids in Columbine, or Terry Nichols and Timothy McVeigh in Oklahoma, who were also White. And I'm also not going to dwell on Randall Terry, the recently convicted bomber of reproductive clinics. And I'll leave it to Dov the Mensch to read the report of the former Israeli soldier who, wearing his yarmulke, opened fire on a bus full of Arabs, killing 4. I'm sure he's familiar with the 1990 killing of 7 Palestinians, and the 1994 killing of 29 Arabs, both by Jewish extremists, both young men. I'm just gonna keep it simple.

James Oddo doesn't have much of a positive track record outside of his mostly White, working class, 50 and older constituency. In fact, in a 2004 op-ed piece in the New York Daily News, he basically said it was a waste of time to try to get the attention of young voters as most 18 to 24-year-olds were more interested in their iPods than in politics. In 2002, he sponsored legislation (complete with a 5 1/2-hour discussion) to ban aluminum baseball bats from schools and little league games because a kid got beaned, and severely injured.

Dov Hikind has either been absent for or has voted against strengthening hate crimes legislation, and has voted for deregulation of rent, which allows landlords to increase rent on a vacated apartment by 18%. He didn't bother to vote for legislation calling for coverage of contraception by health insurers. When 40 cars had their tires slashed around Thanksgiving Day, he called it a hate crime because the neighborhood is largely Hasidic.

They've become allies suddenly, even though Hikind's sister-in-law attempted to unseat Oddo.

These two dunderheads couldn't poor piss out of a boot, much less fairly represent all the members of their neighborhoods. Now they want to put their two cents in on a policy with broad-sweeping effects? These White guys, who will very likely experience little maltreatment because of their ethnicity or cultural identification (even yarmulke-wearing Hikind), think it's okay to go on the record in support of profiling just because of one's appearance?

Give me strength.

Turning Back The Clock

2005-08-04T09:24:00.000-04:00

In "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban," Hermione Granger, overachiever and all-around genius, uses a device called a time-turner to alter time slightly so she can attend two classes that take place at the same time. The device is used later in the story to alter events with far-reaching consequences should they have occurred as intended.

We find ourselves increasingly in similar time-turning circumstances. Since Goldwater's mainstreaming of conservatism in the late 60's, White heterosexual males, and their admirers, have tried their best (and occasionally succeeded) to change the face of America, literally and culturally, to make real the post-World War II setting of "Ozzie and Harriet." The show featured a family of four, playing fictionalized versions of themselves, exploring everyday issues like growing pains, school, dating, and the social life of teens. Never having seen the show myself, I can't tell you how bland it actually was, but from all accounts, it was. Debuting on television in 1952 (according to the Museum of Broadcast Communications website), it was originally a radio show that moved to t.v., with Ozzie Nelson scripting and directing the show. Much of what is remembered about the program focuses on son Rick Nelson's musical performances, but the focus was to have been Dad's steering the course for the family, and Mom Harriet making sure slightly goofy Dad doesn't kill himself in the process. Classic "the man is the head of the household," with the woman submitting stuff. I usually think of this line from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," delivered by Lainie Kazan's mother of the bride: "If the man is the head, the woman is the neck; without the neck, the head won't turn."

What none of the conservative O&H'ers conveniently forget, or choose to omit in their hubris, is that first, it's fiction, a story, bogus, crap. Second, the off-screen Nelsons weren't as perfect as one would think, with Ricky's (later Rick) post-show music career descending from flame to fizzle, with rumors of cocaine abuse surfacing around the time of his death in a plane crash, David's currently fodder for "Where Are They Now?" shows. Ozzie admitted in his autobiography that he was an atheist. He was also extremely controlling, keeping his family under his thumb. And these same O&H'ers also skip over t.v.'s "My Three Sons," a single-parent household headed by Fred MacMurray, with help from his father-in-law (until actor William Frawley's death), followed by Uncle Charlie. A single man moves not one, but TWO single men into his house and can't find a wife to take care of his kids? Hmm...

It's all well and good to long for simpler days. God knows I'm tired of living in post-9/11 America, with civil liberties being rapidly crunched underfoot in the name of patriotism. And, I'm sick of being on the defensive every time "gay" hits the news. But it just isn't possible to turn back the clock. It's no accident that GWB's nominee for the Supreme Court, John Roberts, is shown with his perfectly blond wife, and perfectly blond kids (when was the last time you saw a little boy in short pants?), as we're sure that's what much of America wants to get back to. But it's not possible. As my brilliant wife says, you can't unlearn what you've already learned, and we've learned far too much to go back. Conservative Christians can't say they live by the Bible, and not work actively and openly to re-legalize slavery; they prefer to do it by using the law to strike down things like affirmative action. Or conveniently forget Paul's writing in the book of Romans that there is no male or female in Christ, and simultaneously chip away at Title IX provisions. Or cite Leviticus to demonize gays & lesbians while enjoying shrimp parmigiana.

No matter what we want, the clock can't be turned back. We can't undo anything, we can only try to improve or undo the damage done. And we need to work tirelessly to make sure the clock isn't turned back.

Guess Who Pays for the Inconvenience

2005-07-28T15:08:00.000-04:00

Real quick. As you know, New York City was the latest victim of the recent heatwave that has finally broken. Con Ed, no stranger to problems providing NY'ers with power, asked the following neighborhoods to reduce their electricity usage, and simultaneously reduced power output to said nabes:

Williamsburg
Greenpoint
Fort Greene
Clinton Hill
Flatbush
East Flatbush
Harlem

2 guesses as to the ethnic makeup of these neighborhoods. If you said predominantly Black and Latino, you've won! Guess the Upper East and West sides of Manhattan don't use nearly as much electricity, eh?

Gay for Play

2005-07-28T10:27:00.000-04:00

I'm in a foul mood, having been disturbed by my triflin' ass gully neighbors at three in the fucking morning, who I wish would move the hell out of a neighborhood they just don't fit in. Isn't gentrification supposed to push out the riff raff? My bad, if my tax dollars are paying for their shitty asses to live, why would they give up a good thing? But, onto my point.

Last weekend, the wife and I were enjoying one of the perks of living in a gentrified neighborhood (no, not having the cops come when you call). We were having ice cream in one of the nabe's local parlors, when an old acquaintance of hers walked in with her two kids. Greeting, greeting, greeting, chat, chat, chat. She's not my friend, so I don't know much about her, except that she used to date a female friend of the wife's. Now, she's sportin' a huge rock, with matching diamond band, on her left hand. Although my wife is similarly icy, she's quick to point out that it was her WIFE that iced her. But back to the chick. More chatter. More "we should have dinner since I'm in this neighborhood all the time" blather. Now that I recall, the last time we saw the chick (about two years ago), we met for drinks with her and her date, the aforementioned female friend of the wife's. And, she was icy then. Thanks for riding this out with me, here we go.

What the fuck is up with this DL bullshit? Let's pause for a second. Fuck whatcha heard about the DL phenomenon only occurring among Black men; that's just another "Black men ain't shit" thing. I'm totally through with men or women who get involved with other men or women simply for the sex. At least men have some level of detachment about it. Men are much better about anonymous sex than women. But, that doesn't excuse either sex from being gay for play.

IMHO, and I don't really need to be humble as this is my blog, and it is called From Where I Stand, DL simply means "Don't Label," short for, "I don't want to be labeled as homosexual or bisexual because it's just too heavy for my emotionally immature ass to carry. I don't care if I hurt someone else's feelings with my affair, or even my own, because deep down inside, I'm only 17 years old emotionally and sexually, and I'm only interested in fulfilling my stuck-in-time teenage lust. I don't really believe that relationships between people of the same sex can work, and I'm not interested in trying to find out if they can because I'm too afraid of what society, Mom & Dad, Big Mama, or my preacher may think once they know. I'm only trying to have some fun, and it's just too hard, waah waah waah."

These punk-assed gay-for-play clowns are secretive and dishonest. I'm tired of DL poster kids like J.L. King, assuming the role of white knight, warning unsuspecting Black women that their men may be DL. What about the same-sex people who are equally the victim? I'm not in favor of infidelity, whether it involves a heterosexual or homosexual couple. I'm not on the side of mistresses (what is the male equivalent?) either. I just want to hear from the lesbian who spends her spring and summer with what she thinks is someone she can love, only to find out after they've broken up, that she's been the plaything of a straight woman? What about the gay man in the same situation?

I wish they'd sleep with each other, and stop going after queers in it for the long haul. Believe me, as soon as we win our liberation, they'll come running back, ready to commit. If you're the victim of a gay-for-play playa, pull up some self-respect, and run in the opposite direction.

I Need a Church, for God's Sake!

2005-07-25T15:39:00.000-04:00

It's Monday, and in most Black folk's lives, that's the day to discuss Sunday, better known as Church Day. The convo usually goes something like this:

Preacher was too long, preacher was too short; I was just gettin' my praise on
Visiting preacher was boring, he didn't have a word for me
Choir needs a new director
Choir was off tha chain
That girl's dress was just too tight
That brotha was fine, but I think he's on tha DL

Blah, blah, blah. Having been a church musician and choir director for most of my adult life, and having walked away from it about two years ago, I miss the immersion in church life. I miss the sense of community. Okay, maybe I don't miss people all up in ya business, and I definitely can live without the politics and check writer's power games. I miss a sense of communal focus on God. Period.

A friend of mine is an incredible musician and choir director. He's well sought-after, and deservedly so. He's considering a post with a church, whose denomination I won't share. He asked me to consider serving as a backup for him, and I gave a conditional yes. Boy, was I glad I did that. A little research later, and I found this gem:

Homosexuality is incompatible with Christianity.

Ah, there it is. Several denominations believe it, which is no surprise. And, it leads to my own conclusion:

I can not simultaneously be a Christian if I am homosexual, I must choose one or the other.

Heavy sigh. Well, at least I figured out why I have a headache. I thought it was caffeine withdrawal. So, essentially, any church that espouses the incompatibility belief, is not one that will welcome me unless I change. And, if I choose not to change, they won't put me out, but will do their level best to help me seek change, even pray for my change. And, churches that do not support the incompatible thing, are seen as not really Christian.

Heavy sigh again. So, do I, then, simply give up Christianity until they get it together? I mean, on the surface, most churches have publicly condemned racism. How long did that take, about a hundred years? Many churches support and encourage women clergy. How long did that take, maybe 85 years? I'm only 40, I guess by my hundredth birthday, Christianity will have sorted the gay bit out too. Problem is, I need a church now!

I miss the community prayer. I miss having a spiritual guide. I miss the music. I miss the lowering of vulnerability just enough for catharsis to take place. I miss the lessons in what God may want us to do and be (sorry, I can't yet believe that one person knows exactly what God needs me to do; I don't buy that "maybe God is trying to tell you something" crap, because God is talented enough to speak for Him/Herself). I miss being in a room with people who have the same questions and concerns I have.

It's not as if I don't have gay-friendly churches at my disposal. They're just a mess, or they're boring, or uninspiring, or just a mess. I know too many of the key players in the game, and know too many details about their inner workings. I need to be anonymous. I need a church where I don't get involved, and nobody makes me get involved.

I'm always pissed off when I encounter cool churches with groovy members, interesting music ministries, only to find that the door is open as long as I change. We're all sinners, and have fallen short. It's like being a drug addict, they argue. Or a murderer. Or a prostitute. Repent, and turn your life over to Jesus. Excuse me? I've never had sex for assets. I've never been a drug addict, nor have I ever taken a human life. My committed relationship with a woman isn't at all comparable, so save your conditions-for-Christ. What happened to come unto me, all you are a heavy-laden?

Essentially, this is a long rant about the sad state of spiritual affairs. I'm feeling a little lost, and the state of the world isn't helping. As corny as it sounds, it does ring true -- if people spent more time appreciating how differences are unifying, and not separating, things might be better. Until then, heavy sigh.

Oh My God...

2005-07-22T16:03:00.000-04:00

I am frightened, not just by terrorist acts, but by these possibilities:

1. We can assume that suicide bombers become suicide bombers, willing to kill and die for a cause they strongly believe in, having been thoroughly indoctrinated in that belief.

2. We know that extreme religion, whether Islam, Judaism, or Christianity, is usually the spur for violent behavior in defense of that religion's tenets.

3. We know that both sides of an issue decry extreme behavior in opposition to an issue, whether it is action taken by an individual or small group, or large-scale action, with government imprimatur.

4. We know, or perhaps we choose to forget, that desperation from oppression, poverty, hunger, or brutality, is a greater threat than political or religious zeal. Anyone with nothing to live for is not afraid to die.

One of the four men identified in the London bombings, Germaine Lindsay, was a Black man of Jamaican parentage. His mother, the duaghter of af a Christian evangelical, converted to Islam at her son's urging. Islam is not a common religion among the former British colony. Many Jamaicans are staunchly conservative, having been raised with very British values. Certainly, this could have changed through the generations. I'm speaking as a nearly-forty daughter of a 70-something Jamaican woman. But, aside from tourist enclaves like Negril and Montego Bay, Jamaicans are pretty cut-and-dried about their morality. The openly-gay leader of Jamaica's only LGBT organization was found murdered, and the police have done little to find his killer. You do the math. But, I digress.

Stories on the 'net all describe this young Jamaican man as a convert at 15, who fully embraced himself in the religion, trying to convert his friends. What was it that he embraced so strongly? What was it that embraced him? Was there something that made him forget his working-class upbringing by his mother, without his father's presence? Was there something that made him forget the smashing of the windows of his house as a Black child in a nearly all-White working class neighborhood? Was there acceptance of his love of a White woman, who would bear his children? What made this 19-year-old father of one, with another on the way, decide to bomb a train full of people?

I've been thinking strongly about who should be feared, and it can't be narrowed down to Muslims. Remember, when you have nothing to live for, you're not afraid to die. So, should society fear these people:

-- The Black Man: he has been feared and vilified on the shores of the Caribbean, Latin America, and North America. Defined by America's forefathers as three-fifths of a person, portrayed as a sexual predator hunting pure, undefiled White women, ghettoized, treated to prison instead of opportunity, subject to scrutiny should he exhibit signs of propserity, profiled as criminal.
--The Black Woman: forced to raise the sons and daughters of White America and serve as sexual playthings for their White fathers, turned into doormats for Black men, frustrated by their mistreatment at the hands of White society, hypersexualized and objectified by pop culture, cursed for asserting their independence through mating-by-choice and independently-obtained wealth
--The immigrant, especially one from a non-English speaking country, and with brown or black skin, willing to work for pennies on the dollar in contrast to similarly-abled White men
--The man who identifies as gay or bisexual, subverting definitions of masculinity and femininity by assuming, in some cases, what is thought of as a female sexual role
--The woman who identifies as lesbian or bisexual, who also subverts definitions of masculinity and femininity by not making herself available to a male for mating, asserts herself without a male partner
--The unmarried, the non-Christian, the couple who chooses not to have children, the single parent, anyone who can be defined as other; i.e. not Christian, male, heterosexual, middle class, parent

How long? How long will these "others" embrace something that causes them to take extreme measures? How long before discrimination and oppression become so unbearable that dying becomes easier to bear than living? How long before these "others" are so fed up that they take to the streets in retaliation for day after day, and year after year or mistreatment? What will it take?

And how do we stop it? How do we find and stop the Germaine Lindsays? Oh, my God.

Like This Wasn't Coming

2005-07-22T11:00:00.000-04:00

So, now New York police plan to randomly search large bags prior to entry to the subway; no racial or ethnic profiling involved in the criteria, it's just 1 in 50. Several interesting things to note:

1. When this was announced yesterday, the all-important end of the sentence wasn't mentioned: you can refuse to have your bag searched, and although you won't be detained, you won't be allowed to board the train.

2. This is supposed to also include city buses, but oddly enough, most Manhattan-bound commuters don't ride the bus. And, most of the people of color who commute to a Manhattan job, do so by subway. Most Manhattan bus riders are Manhattan residents, who are usually White.

3. Pictures of the 4 suspects in yesterday's London incident have been released, as was the picture of the suspect in the first incident. 3 of the 4 suspects are very Black-looking. Even if the police don't plan to do any racial profiling, the court of popular opinion will. It's not as if White subway riders don't already, especially European tourists, and tourists from America's midwest and south, don't either carry their backpacks in front of them, or huddle really close together.

4. I've heard that commuter buses, buses from New Jersey and upstate new York, are randomly stopped. As a result of the first London bombings, cops have been riding commuter trains (Metro North, LIRR, and NJTransit), and bags will also be searched. How long will their heavily White middle class ridership put up with that? Have you ever seen some of these riders basically hurdle over you to catch a particular train?

5. Every "terror" expert, who has made a mint on their "consulting" services since 9/11, has said our food and water supplies, power plants, bio research facilities, and yes, our commuter venues, are vulnerable to attack (more so since 9/11). Having said that, and spent good taxpayer dollars on those messages, why weren't these measures taken earlier? We've put National Guard staff in places like Penn Station and the Port Authority, why didn't we put them on the trains?

6. Could it be the conspiracy theorist in me that thinks it's no accident that the UK has been involved in the Iraq War since the beginning, but it wasn't until shortly after Tony Blair's narrow re-election that these attacks in London came to pass? Hasn't anti-Western rhetoric from Islamic fundamentalists included Great Britain? And is it a coincidence that the shooting and killing of a suspect in London, whose police force is known worldwide for not carrying guns, has made front page news on the same day that hearings into Karl Rove's involvement in the outing of a CIA agent begin? Or that the renewal of the Patriot Act is up for vote (and passed by majority) right after the London bombings?

I suppose I should be happy about these attempts at keeping the public safe. I have to wonder, though, what will it take for people to finally feel safe? What is safe, anyway? And what will it cost?