Friday, February 17, 2006

Straight From The Headlines

And now, my favorite: the WTF News. Stolen from Yahoo's Oddly Enough News, you really can't make this stuff up.

Give Up The Leg and No One Will Get Hurt
Yeah, that was in poor taste, but this story is just nutty. A California teen has had her prosthetic legs stolen. AGAIN. Thieves had previously broken in and stole an older prosthesis, which was later found in the backyard. Not sure why she didn't have either one on (she has one for daily use and one for playing softball). The girl's mom went to the daughter's bedroom, which she shares with her sister,found it a mess, and discovered the legs gone. Just how did that conversation go?
"Honey, you two are little pigs. By the way, where are your legs?"
"Gee, Mom, I don't know. They were in my room this morning." Say what you want about me, but there's something wrong on multiple levels here, especially after reading that after the first theft, the family got a donation of $16,000 for a new leg.

Krazy Karaoke
Vietnam recently banned alcohol in all karaoke bars and discos, and will require them to shut down at midnight. A nine-month period of inspections of these joints turned up about 600 patrons using ecstasy and 60 women offering stripteases (but no sex in the champagne room). Nine months and only 600 people did E? They need to go to one circuit party in New York to catch that kind of show. I've always said karaoke requires a little courage and a lot of alcohol, so I'm sure the next piece of news will be the death of the karaoke trend in Vietnam.

Cherries or Cherry-Flavored Paper?
In sad-but-true-but-not-that-sad news, the state of Washington has harvested enough marijuana to make it the state's 8th highest agricultural commodity -- higher than the state's famed cherries. Whenever I've watched a Cops-like program where the narcs burn a big pot harvest, I've never seen one of them wear a mask. Pass the dutchie 'pon de left-hand side!

A Tiger Turd A Day Keeps Most things Away
Australian researchers have discovered that tiger crap repels most wild animals that destroy valuable crops, including wild goats and pigs. Is it the chemicals in the poo or is it the poo-inducing fear that a tiger may be in the area that keeps them away?

Kiss Yo' Ass and Yo' Freedom Away
And back to the Pacific Northwest we go, for the craziest piece of news. Under Oregon's three strikes law, a man will spend the rest of his life in prison for delivering an unwanted kiss. Now, this isn't even funny; it's just sick. A former sex offender, with nine cases, he went to appeals court to overturn the life sentence, arguing that the neck isn't an intimate area. What the hell was he thinking?

Whoo. I'm telling you, truth is stranger than fiction. Y'all have a good weekend.


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