Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Ho, Ho, Ho, 'ho!

It's the holiday season, and you're about to pimp yo'sef for some Chri'mas gear. I don't usually write about Christmas, but what the hell?

As my gift to you, and hopefully you'll return the favor, here are my favorite Christmas indulgences, in no particular order.

1. Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa." BBT's at his skanky best in this movie, playing a drunk with a penchant for anal sex with fat women who, along with his little person sidekick, travels the country getting himself hired as a department store Santa, along with aforementioned little person as Santa's elf helper. It's the perfect movie for unrepentant Scrooges. Honorable mention goes to "Friday After Next." Surprisingly clever, not really a sequel, this is the third of the Ice Cube-penned "Friday" movies, that aren't all that connected except for Craig, the main character, his South Central L.A./Watts/Compton community, and copious amounts of sticky icky.

2. "A Christmas Story." A young boy wants nothing more for Christmas than a Red Ryder B.B. gun, and each verbalized request earns him the following response: "You'll put your eye out." I won't spoil the ending, but will tell you that one of the funniest moments in moviedom, in my opinion, is when the boy's best friend, on a cold December day in the Midwest, sticks his tongue to a metal pole on a dare, and has to be rescued by the fire department. See it -- I triple dog dare ya.

3. "Love Actually." This is one of my favorite movie types, the British romantic comedy (yes, "Four Weddings and a Funeral" is one of my top five faves). I love the self-deprecating, subtle sense of humor the British have, and that this movie isn't really a Christmas movie; i.e. it isn't about redemption or peace on earth. Christmas is a backdrop for the relationship struggles each character undergoes, and is punctuation for the sometimes unpleasant reality of love. A husband relentlessly pursued by his secretary, his wife relegated to making costumes for their daughter who plays the Christmas lobster (yes, you heard correct), a woman who can't get her freak on with a guy she's been pining after because her brother, a schizophrenic in a mental hospital, keeps calling her cell phone, a loser who thinks the reason he can't get lucky is because he's only pursuing British girls so he sets off to America for Christmas to bonk American girls. And, yes, there are sweet sappy storylines, including the guy whose best friend marries the girl of his dreams -- his, not his buddy's.

4. Classic Christmas cartoon specials, including "How The Grinch Stole Christmas," "Frosty The Snowman," "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," and the irreplaceable "Charlie Brown Christmas." Everything else pales in comparison for sheer sappy Christmas joy.

5. Christmas in New York's midtown. I have mixed feelings about trying to navigate the streets of midtown (I work across the street from Radio City), working my way through school kids and seniors coming in by the busload for the Radio City Christmas Spectacular (honorable mention for the whole live Nativity scene, complete with reading of "A Solitary Life"), but seeing the tree at Rockefeller Center, walking past the animatronics in the windows of stores like Saks just makes even the hardest hard-ass turn to mush.

6. A purposeful pushing together of friends and family. Forgive the cliche, and please don't think me insensitive for ignoring the higher than usual rate of suicide during the holiday season, but it seems that most of us don't reach out to people we love as much as we could, and the warm 'n fuzzyness of the season makes us.

Happy holidays. Don't go into debt over gifts. Enjoy the joy. It's really enough.


Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Hmmm... 30 Rock or Time Life Bldg?

PS: I was right in your neck of the woods (at least where you work) yesterday:) Have you gone to Teuscher chocolates? Their varieties of marzipan are delish!

PS: My husband thought I was nutz-o for walking from 93rd & Park all the way to 30 Rock and then onto GCT. Perhaps it's nutty. I have a warm coat, and the walking is a ritual now for me when I go to the specialist.

11:25 AM  

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