Saturday, October 29, 2005

TV -- It's Good For What Ails You

Let's have some fun, shall we? It's been almost two months of medically-ordered house arrest, and I've discovered some guilty pleasures.

Yes, I could invest my money in the stock market, or something more practical, but I love the idea of pausing a live t.v. show, rewinding back to what I missed, and when you're on crutches struggling to get to the bathroom, you definitely miss something, and replaying the good bits. And, DVR lets me catch some of the best shows that, unfortunately, are too impolite to air during normal people's time, such as:

The Oblongs -- if you liked Ren & Stimpy (the originals from John K., not the cleaned-up stuff), you'll love The Oblongs. They are a loving, but, well, mutant (literally) family. Living at the foot of a valley, the town is the recipient of toxic waste, so the occupants end up with the, uh, consequences of toxic waste poisoning, including three butt cheeks, a warty, phallic protrusion, no jaw and one breast. And speaking of odd-numbered breasts...

Tripping the Rift -- I think I have a thing for mutants. Sci-Fi Channel's adult animated comedy had to have been thought up by pimply-faced nerds who spent most of their dateless teen years coming up with the least screwable woman in the world, and her opposite. No, it's not a cinematic tour-de-fource, but I pity heterosexual women who don't have a male counterpart to the show's hottie, Six, and she's really what makes the show watchable. Oh, and it's kinda funny too.

College Football -- I went to a CUNY school, after attending an arts & science high school, which means I didn't have an early exposure to football. Yeah, my father watched it, but usually on a teeny black & white in the basement. And, given a choice between a game I didn't understand, and Saturday afternoon martial arts flicks, I chose the latter. Now, married to a former high school cheerleader, and avid football fan, I've sinced grown quite fond of the game, looking forward to the cooler days of fall. Mostly, I love the raw adrenaline and youthful vigor of the game. With multiple touchdowns taking place within the first five minutes of the game, how can you not be excited about it? Scores like 28-0? 44-6? College football games are four-year auditions for the NFL, another of my guilty pleasures.

Makes Me Feel Okay About Being Fat
Have you looked at defensive players? It's like their coaches tell them to get off that bike and eat something. Sure, I'm not a guy, and I'll never play football, unless it's for the NY Sharks, which believe me, the wife would never let me do, I can still have hope for putting fat and athlete in the same sentence.

And, of course, you can't have guilty t.v. pleasures without my previously mentioned "Cops" and court shows like Judge Mathis, Divorce Court, Judge Joe Brown (protecting womanhood and encouraging manhood), and The People's Court, presided over by Judge Marilyn Milian, whose occasional Spanglish witticisms (his eggs needed salting is just one gem) are hilarious.

Enough ranting. Go watch some t.v.


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