Monday, May 16, 2005

Run Away, Bride

Okay, I'm late on the Jennifer Wilbanks thing. But, you know how you hear a joke and then laugh at it hours later because it's just that funny?

Once again I say: what is messin' people up with same-sex marriage? States are scrambling to legalize any stupid thing to help men & women get married, even if it sends us back to the pre-industrial era. I still think same-sex couples should have the same legal rights as opposite-sex couples, but to legalize something as ridiculous as covenant marriage is just overkill.

Here's what a bill in Ohio seeks to do with covenant marriage. Couples who want one of these things have to go through counseling and sign a contract saying they understand they would have to go through a yearlong "cooling off" period with counseling before getting a divorce in most cases. You can get a divorce without a waiting period if there is adultery or abuse, but the abused partner would have to prove the abuse in court, which you had to do before no-fault divorce. Smells to me like rape vs. murder. In a murder, you have a body, you have a case. In a rape, if the victim says no, it's only no if it can be proven that the victim meant it, as opposed to just getting cold feet. So much for a covenant, which according to ol Dan'l, Webster that is, is a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action. And, kids, I know what that action is: "Me Tarzan, in charge. You Jane, will be dragged by hair through dirt. Dinner not on table, Tarzan stomp Jane's ass. Jane no have evidence of abuse, Tarzan in charge."

Perhaps dear, sweet, misunderstod Jennifer Wilbanks (anyone notice that she looks like a total nutjob in that one photo they keep showing?) didn't want to play Jane to her namby-pamby"Of course I still want to marry her, even though she had po-po shakin' down every MexiCubaDominiRican they ran up on" punk-ass Tarzan. If I had to marry a G-string (not a lot of material, totally in your ass-crack, and eventually shit-stained) like him, I'd run off too.

I'm trying really hard to be compassionate, but God is still working on me, so I have to admit that bitch owes an apology not just to the well-meaning police who did their jobs and searched for her twisted ass, but also to every Latino/Hispanic man in America and to the gay & lesbian community, reminded yet again that marriage is a sacred cow. Some of us actually want to get married, while others are running like hell in the opposite direction.

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