Tuesday, May 31, 2005

He's Kidding, Right?

Here's what the President had to say about Amnesty International's report condemning the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay:

"It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of the allegations by people who were held in detention, people who hate America."

As opposed to the allegations of people who've never been held in detention?

It Has To Be Better Than This

Okay. Like everybody else in the blogiverse, my blog is my personal diary. Lately, my stuff has been about things I've observed, but I'm taking a purely fucking selfish fucking moment so I can bitch, and fuck anybody who doesn't like it. Here goes.

I feel completely powerless. I live in a nice enough apartment. I have a decent amount of space, but come summer, my neighbors remind me of two things: never have a bedroom on the front of a building unless you're on a high floor, and never live on the first floor. Ever. Oh, and as a bonus, don't live next to people of color unless they're not collecting public assistance in any form (welfare, disability, social security, worker's comp, or just free fucking money from the government). I've renewed the lease on my apartment, which will have me there just about 10 years. I'm sick of it. The fluorescent lighting makes me ill, but I can't put lamps in because most of the rooms have ONE outlet. At least once a year, I have to climb up on a ladder, take down the grill covering said lights, snap out the 3-foot long bulbs (yes, I said 3-fucking-feet long), and replace. The grills are always dirty, they don't go back in that easily, and it's a miserable job. If I wasn't such a cheap fuck, I'd pay someone to do it for me. My heathen-ass neighbors are so loud sometimes that I can hear them over my tv. And then there was the time that I almost took a beat down because I called the cops (also POC's, lazy-ass, don't wanna work, useless as a one-legged man in an ass-kickin contest coons) after fireworks were lit in front of my bedroom window. That's one set of low IQ'ers. Then there's MC Talent-Free, who spends his days sleeping off his blunt high from the night before instead of getting a goddamn job so my tax dollars don't have to feed his stinkin' ass, and his baby. Oddly enough, a woman who looks suspiciously like his mother, called the cops 2 summers ago to complain about the baby in my building because he was crying. Yup. That fat sack 'o grease is now a grandmother, God help us all. MC Talent-Free likes to practice his shitty rap lyrics (thus the name MC Talent-Free) on the stoop; his stoop, in front of my house, on the sidewalk with his boys, where-the-fuck-ever. I thought living in a White neighborhood would keep me from having to live the ghetto experience. I can't even say at least there's no gun violence, because there were shots fired at about 6:30 on the morning of Memorial Day, followed by several police cruisers in pursuit. Fuck me, twice.

I can't stand feeling like a total asshole. I make a decent amount of money, but can't buy shit in the New York metro area, and fuck if I'm gonna try living in Charlotte or Memphis or some other growing city where they don't fucking like queers. I'd love to have a summer share on Long Island, but goddamn it, I can't fucking drive -- thanks, Mom, for making me feel like shit at 16 when I got my learner's permit without your fucking permission. I've now gone 24 more years with a minimal effort at trying to learn how to drive. And thanks again, for making me scared of my fucking shadow -- thumbs up! And even if I could drive, I can't afford a share. Fuck, if I can't find $20,000 to buy a fucking shoebox apartment, where the fuck am I gonna find $8500 for something that isn't a fucking deer tick incubator on Long Island? My wife is turning 40, our 5th wedding anniversary is 3 months after, and my 40th birthday is 3 months after that. I haven't planned a thing. Haven't planned any celebration. Haven't bought a gift. Adulthood, my stinkin' ass. Fuck this. I'm ready to sell my soul to make some money. What the fuck has integrity bought me? And is it really integrity or fucking laziness? The truth is there is no honest (read: no one gets hurt in the process) way of making a lot of money. There is no sure thing. You have to spend hundreds of dollars playing Lotto in order to win. You have to work hundreds of hours a week to make a lot of money, and I haven't found a fucking thing I want to spend that much time doing. Okay, maybe there is one thing, but I still have to sell my ass to do it.

My wife swears that's the key, but she doesn't know what she's talking about. She says "sell your songs; that'll do it. Start a band." Who the fuck am I going to sell my songs to? You don't just run into people on the street and say "Here, hope you like this." Opportunity doesn't knock. You have to kick the fucking door down, and it isn't in my fucking nature. I'm not half as good as she, or anyone else thinks I am. There are way more talented keyboardists, singers, and songwirters out there, who are much younger, and have nothing to lose. I barely have 30 grand in my retirement fund and I'm fucking forty. Forty, for fuck's sake. What the fuck am I doing?

It's all my fucking fault. I've pissed away my whole adult life, and now I'm picking tacks outta my ass. Who the fuck told me to sit on the goddamn cactus? Why can't I just pick up and do what-the-fuck-ever it is that everyone else seems to think I should be doing, but I don't fucking understand? And why am I singing the same woe-is-me, I'm a worthless piece of shit, song yet again? I'd shoot somebody I heard pumping this bullshit.

Maybe I should just fuck it all. Drink myself to death. I have life insurance. The wife can drop me in the ground since we have a burial plot. I'm just not fuckin' happy, and that's that.

Please, somebody, shoot me or save me. I'm open to suggestions, fuck-a-duck.

We've Failed Our Babies

During the holiday weekend, a 9-year-old girl stabbed her 11-year-old playmate to death over a ball. Quite frankly, the reason is completely irrelevant. The issue, and it is an issue, is that our children are becoming more and more violent. And, it's not limited to Black children either. All children are becoming more violent and turning to violence as a solution to the simplest of problems.

I'm stunned. When the wife and I heard the news, we both went silent. And then we just said Oh, my God. Not like omigod, an oft-abused colloquialism, but Oh, my God, hear this cry. And cry we did. I've talked about how some kids are out of control and need a foot in the behind, but this just floors me. What in the name of all things holy would possess a child to grab a knife and shove it into another child's chest? And, in my research for this piece, I've read that this was not the only taking of a life by a child, but one of THREE. In one incident, a 17-year-old boy strangled his father to death in a fight, and in another, a 12-year-old girl strangled her mother.

We've failed our babies. That's it. Our children didn't ask to come here, and I want to scream that every time I see some mother, usually poor and/or a person of color, and usually young or too young to have had the first child, yelling at or bullying her kid(s). You just couldn't say no, or you just couldn't make homie wear a condom, or you didn't have a choice for whatever the reasons were (abuse, sex for money, sex for drugs). Too many of us have our heads in the sand, or our priorities in the wrong place. We work too much or we have no work ethic whatsoever and spend what little money we get on material things or escapism. We were poorly educated, so we're unable to understand the value of education, and I'm not talking about college, necessarily. Trade school works too. Too many of us are the second and third in a line of substance abusers. Too many of us don't spend time with our kids and allow television and video games to raise them. Too many of us were too young when we had children, and aren't but a moment away from childhood ourselves -- how does a child raise a child except to appeal to their own childish needs? What else would explain the high placement of TVs and video games, both stationary and portable, in low-income homes?

I'm not placing the blame for violence in our children on video games. If you wonder about the role they play in our kids' lives, get on the 'net and do some research. A few token voices complain about stereotypes in video games like Grand Theft Auto, or that fight game that pits rap and sports stars against each other, but for the most part, we say nothing and say "it's just a game." And then we see children act out in extreme games. Our kids are desensitized. Blood and gore doesn't make them squirm like it made us squirm. Our parents were freaked out when a beheading was shown on television during the Vietnam War, but we routinely see bloodied victims in footage from war-torn areas of the globe. Video games may not be the reason kids are killing each other and killing their parents, but they're not harmless. Neither is matter-of-fact war footage, or parents who prefer to turn the tv on for their kids and leave them in front of it for hours on end.

We've failed our babies, and may God grant comfort to the families of the dead. May God have mercy on us all.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Slowly I Turn, Step By Step...

According to a Reuters report, several states are overhauling their voter laws. At first glance, it seems like a good thing; eliminate voter fraud, create more opportunities for more voters to vote, and the like. But, wait. Some states are requiring photo IDs in order to vote.

So what, is your response. Here's what the problem is. Many people don't have photo ID. And if you've ever tried to get into a club or bar with a job-issued photo ID, you'll know that it's a useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. No, we're talking about a government-issued photo ID such as a driver's license, learner's permit (which some entities don't accept), or passport. To get any of the above, you need to prove citizenship or naturalized immigrant status. So, you need more photo ID. If you're a senior citizen who can't or won't drive anymore, you've either surrendered or discarded/destroyed your photo ID. So, you can't vote. Then there are those young adults who may not have a driver's license or passport.

And here's a big'un. Indiana just passed a voter law stipulating that photo IDs presented for voting in the state must be ISSUED from the state, or from the U.S. government (again, a passport). So, if you're a college freshman, old enough to vote, but not from Indiana, you can't vote in the state of Indiana despite being affected by issues passed by Indiana politicians for the four or so years you live in the state of Indiana. And, if that isn't dumb enough, you can cast a provisional ballot, but it won't be counted unless you RETURN TO THE LOCAL ELECTION BOARD BY NOON THE FOLLOWING MONDAY AND PRESENT ADDITIONAL PROOF OR SWEAR YOU HAVE A VALID REASON, SUCH AS POVERTY, FOR NOT HAVING PHOTO ID.

WTF? Let's look at American history, shall we? The post-Civil War/post-Reconstruction 'buked and scorned White folks of the South made it damn near impossible for newly-freed slaves to vote by forcing them to be literate. Then, they had to own land and present proof of land ownership. Hello? See any similarities between that and what's happening now? Let's just make shit up to keep people from voting. That way, there will be fewer, and eventually no dissenting votes, and we'll always make sure we have whoever we want doing exactly what we want. Why, we'll have President For Life. We already have Supreme Court justices who serve until they die or retire, whichever comes first.

The title comes from an Abbott & Costello gag where the storyteller tells a tale of catching his wife cheating on him, and the lines of the bit usually end with Costello getting a face full of seltzer. Anyone else wet?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

From Runaway Bride to Cold-Busted Bride

So, Jennifer "A Hispanic man raped and kidnapped me" Wilbanks has been indicted for filing a false crime report. Her lawyer is already using the "no crime has been committed" card, and Albuquerque isn't pressing charges either. Altogether, this broad has cost taxpayers a little more than $50,000 thanks to her nuttiness, and the Hispanic communities of Atlanta and Albuquerque yet another reason for brown men to be harassed.

Thanks, Jenn. You're really the poster child for one man, one woman marriage. I feel for your fear, but I hope they throw the book at you.

Child's Play

Okay, so it's been the week of the child. Why stop now?

In WTF news, an article in yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle notes the drop in the child population of San Francisco. The article starts out sweetly enough, with an anecdote from a nice heterosexual couple (can't tell if they're married because they have different last names). They share their daughter's lament that all of her friends are leaving the nabe, and she's wondering when they're planning to move. It's heartbreaking, really.

Here's the WTF part. The first fucking sentence: "Ms. XY and Mr. XX are starting to feel as if their family of four is an endangered species." Kids, your hackles should be raised. But, let's jump down to the 9th paragraph: "San Francisco's large gay population ... is thought to be one factor..." In fairness to the author, I'll give you the ending of the sentence: "...though gays and lesbians in the city are increasingly raising families." And, I'll even give the author a little more. Let's jump up again to the second paragraph, talking about Ms. XX, Mr. XY, and young xx and xy, their kids: "Since the couple bought a house five years ago, more than a dozen families in their social circle have left the city for cheaper housing, better schools, or both."

This is classic us vs. them fodder. A nice American family is witnessing the decimation of their community. In reflection, it's because people are looking for cheaper housing and better schools, which are unimportant to double income-no kids homosexuals who come into neighborhoods, glam them up, and make fine, young American families move out. As an afterthought, queers are raising kids too. The author makes no distinction between San Francisco proper, which has always been a really expensive city to live in, kids or no kids, and surrounding cities that make up the Bay Area (Berkeley, Oakland, Santa Cruz).

And then, former hero Gavin Newsome (you remember him -- he married the gays but his wife left him shortly thereafter, even though she says he was layin' the pipe lovely), responds by allocating nearly $1 billion to bolster health insurance for children, better education, enrichment and afterschool programs, and creates a 27-member board to develop plans for keeping families in the city. I'm not against programs to support kids. I'm not even against real research into what families need to live their everyday lives. I'm against the perception that gay=bad, which is what this article suggests. Dan White, the Harvey Milk and George Moscone assassin, ran for the city council on a platform that suggested that non-gay San Franciscans were being unraveled from the fabric of the city. Okay, so one could argue that a buncha bars, theaters, bookstores, and other gay male-friendly establishments popped up overnight, which would probably have made the natives restless, but they were also tax-paying businesses that put a lot of money into city coffers. Crumbling neighborhoods were built up. And, if you've ever been to San Francisco, the queers are centralized in ONE FUCKING AREA -- The Castro. Who the fuck can afford to live there anyway? No family I can think of.

This is yet another instance of gays being blamed for everything that's wrong in the world. And it has to stop.

I Wish I Was Justin Combs

P. Diddy, or in this case, P. Daddy, is appealing a child support order issued by New York State. Hold on, he's no deadbeat dad, and God bless him for that. He's been ordered to increase his monthly payments to the mother of his son Justin from $5000 to $21,000. A month. A month. Good goobly goo, what the hell do you spend $21,000 a month on for a child? Dad pays for health insurance, clothing, private school, vacations, and a partridge in a pear tree. Although I don't have kids, I live in New York, and I know private school is pretty pricey. All those $100 sneakers add up, and certainly, the week on Mustique costs a nice chunka change. But, what in the name of sweet Fanny Doyle do you spend $21-fucking-thousand dollars on in a month on an 11-year-old?

Adopt me. Please. I don't need much, and I'm perfectly content to keep riding the train. I shop at Old Navy, Gap, and H&M. The only $100 sneakers I wear are running shoes, otherwise I've never spent more than $75 for a pair of shoes. I take my lunch to work everyday. I cook 6 days a week. I haven't bought a new bed in 10 years, and my mattress has sunk on one side. I would like one luxury vacation a year, but don't have to have it. I'd like a car, once I learn how to drive, that is, but I'm happy to have a Hyundai. I don't need a Bentley. I need at least 3-bedroom apartment or house (one for the wife & I, an office, and a room just for the wife's shoes), but if you can only swing a 2-bedroom, that's cool.

$21,000. I'll be Farnsworth Bentley for that. Damn.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Marriage, Period (Part 2)

I have to share. A co-worker lives in the same neighborhood, and we often run into each other in the nabe; he with his family (wife & 2 kids), me & my wife. The other night we ran into him in the supermarket with his daughter, who we often chat with (in the way that adults should chat with kids: only about kid-type things and NOT grownfolks bidness) because she was Hermione Granger (you either know who she is or don't) in last year's Halloween parade in the nabe, and the wife & I are big Harry Potter fans. So, after we meet & greet & things, we separate. A couple of weeks pass, and I run into Dad in the office elevator who shares this darling gem with me.

Dad: After we left you guys in ths supermarket, DAUGHTER'S NAME asks me if you 2 are married. I say yes, they are.
Daughter: They're always together and they're always so nice. They make a great couple.

Of course, I was done for the day. Out of the mouths of babes. She, at 8 years old, gets it. What's wrong with the rest of these losers?

Shameless Stealing from a Fellow Blogger
I be hatin' occasionally, but always diggin' Angry Black Bitch. She tells it like it t-i-is. I wasn't even thinking about Tom "I'm not gay, and I'll sue you if you say I am" Cruise and Katie "I look and sound like every other skinny white girl between 16 and 25 who gets paid a lot of money to act like a girl" Holmes. In one of ABB's posts, she serves the T on the whole Hollywood Mating Game and how no one is up in arms about it. Of course, I have too (read my archives, kids), because I'm sick to death of the whole anti-marriage, anti-sex, bogus-ass morality police and their anorexic, myopic, pale & sickly view of relationships. Not one damn word came from the usual suspects when Britney Spears was married for 50 hours. Not one damn word in protest of these stupid-ass reality dating shows like the one where the chick is supposed to marry some guy she doesn't know for a million bucks. Not one damn word about how the incidence of out-of-wedlock births is so high in the regions where "abstinence" and "covenant marriage" bullshit is pushed.

We think Elizabeth Taylor's 7 marriages were amusing. We laugh at Jennifer Lopez and her relationship foibles (what are we on now, number 3?). We're repulsed, but secretly fascinated by Mary Kay Letourneau's hunger (for lack of a better word) for a 12-year-old. I dated ONE woman who was younger than me, and I wouldn't do it again. She wasn't 12 when I hit it, but she was still too young for me. What on God's green earth could a grown-ass woman want with or expect from a 12-year-old boy? Now she's married to him? And what the fuck were the 200 guests, including her eldest daughter (from a previous relationship) thinking? It was just poor timing that caused her 34-year-old ass to pursue and fuck a 12-year-old? And I can't marry my woman?

Kids see everything, and they'll tell you. So, thank you, "Hermione," for sharing what you saw.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Marriage, Period

How mad am I that I was a complete slug yesterday? I spent the day in bed watching hours of bad TV, including NFL Europe, and WNBA basket ball (I'm SO glad I didn't renew my NY Liberty subscription) instead of getting my ass on the Brooklyn Bridge to march for Marriage Equality.

In addition to not putting my feet on the line for a cause I strongly believe in (even though my plantar fasciitis probably wouldn't have let me march anywhere in peace), I'm upset that I missed the chance to meet Gustavo Archilla, 90, and Elmer Lokkins, 86. They have been together since 1945. Can you imagine? That's 60 years, almost as long as my parents have been married. Longer than most American marriages, certainly. They've found ways to make their relationship work, and it's to their credit that they have made it work. God bless them, and richly.

Can somebody finally start getting a clue that queers can, and do, hook up for more than the length of a hook up?

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Go Away, Already

Enough with the niceness (sorry, ABB, but I couldn't help it) . Where, oh where do we begin?

The Donald
You know you're a pain in the ass when your name has "the" in front of it as though it were a royal title. Trust me, it's no compliment. Your buildings suck and no one gives a rat's ass what you think about the new World Trade Center or the old World Trade Center, or even about who's hired. Shut up, and go away. Get a fuckin' haircut. You look like some guy who didn't get the memo that you're too old to be in the club. Oh, sorry, you are the guy who's too old to be in the club. You're an opportunistic clown whose persistence in giving people their opinion is tiresome. Shut up, take your funny-looking wife, and go away.

The Teacher & Student Wedding
Please, Lord, tell me that once Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau are married that we'll never have to hear from them again. Queers can't get married, but this grown-ass woman who was in her thirties when she had sex with a TWELVE YEAR OLD is planning to wear white, have a buncha bridesmaids, and feature the fucking circus on national television. Shut up, and go away. Go into hiding. Try not to have kids, ya psycho. And for the love of pete, Vili, cough so your balls will drop. Sheesh.

The Scary-Ass Government
Anybody else officially scared? Between the special interest groups that are rapidly becoming just groups, the growing reliance on special interest groups, and the war on civil liberties (WTF -- I'm not a REAL American if I disagree with my government?), I'm seriously wondering what the sam hill are we supposed to do? This kinda scary shit makes it easier for me to direct my anger to...

You're a Grownup -- Now Act Like It
If you have to wear a tie to work, take those stupid-ass braids outta ya head and get a haircut. Braids on a grown man only work if you're a professional athlete or rapper where you get paid to live out your boyish fantasies. Can't afford a haircut? Shave your head. Pull your pants up (white boys too). Put the doo-rag in your pocket (white boys too). Enough already!

And sistahs, you ain't off the hook neither. If I can see your tits or your ass, don't wear it to work. If I can see your navel piercing, don't wear it to work. If you've worn that outfit to drinks with the girls or out to the club, don't wear it to work. And white girls, I'm moving on to you. That Carrie Bradshaw crazy-ass style was wack on her. Don't do it. Don't roll up on me like we're friends and then try to talk your way into my job. Stop saying "Oh no she didn't." And "Girlfriend..." You don't hear me saying "I was like, completely, like suprised at the whole, like thing." Like shut the fuck up, like already.

Stop Abusing Us with Your Cell Phone
Anyone else wish you could disable a cellphone? Ever been in the midst of a tough-ass cardio workout only to have some bony, sweat-free thing on your right or left making plans for later that night? "Like, I'm at the gym. I'm totally like into getting drinks later. Oh, I'll call you back. Like the fat bitch on my left is like totally throwing me like dirty looks." In a second, I'm throwin' my foot up yo ass. Shut the fuck up.

How about the needle dick in the elevator who isn't closing an all important deal, asking the doctor if his grandmother will live, or talking with a maitre'd about how to hide the diamond ring for his proposal that night. This is him: "Yeah, dude, it was awesome. Yeah, I know. Yeah, she totally dug me. Dude, really. No, really. No, I like totally had a chance to bang her, dude." I'm about to bang you, asshat. You couldn't spell pussy, much less smell pussy. Shut the fuck up and go away.

That's it for rants for now. I will come up with others, I swear. All I have to do is keep livin.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

You Never Know

Stick with me, I'm still irked by a whole lot, but I'm trying to keep balanced, so...

You never know how your actions affect someone else, or how what you think is a little thing is big to someone else. Apologies for the lack of humility coming.

As you know, my favorite topics are (in no particular order):

Sex
Politics
Class
Race
Love
Food

I've bounced back & forth between thinking I'm too fat and viva la fat revolucion! I've finally reached a nice point of harmony where my relationship with food is no longer like the bad girlfriend (the sex is crazy, but she's a bitch, and you wonder if good pussy is worth the trouble). I've been able to eat what I like, just not as much and as often, and I exercise at least 5 days a week, and the results show. People have made a point of asking what my secret is. Eat what you want, just not as much and as often, and exercise to the point of sweating at least 5 days a week. That's the secret. But, people are encouraged by my progress, and that's touching. I thought my private struggle was, well, private. But, it seems somebody is watching and is encouraged. Hold on, be patient, it sucks at first, but gets better.

And, a colleague did a lovely thing the other day. The women's bathroom, which is always a budding biohazard on its own, features that nasty, drying, low-lathering industrial soap that's like, what 23 cents a gallon. She placed a bottle of peach-scented, moisturizing antibacterial soap in the bathroom for people to use. How lovely. It makes it easy to forget that the broads who use the bathroom are more nasty than not. And it's quite nice to walk out with soft, peach-scented hands. Delightful.

Now if these people could just clean up after themselves...

I Still Have Hope

Okay, not only have I been surprisingly prolific, bu I realize I've also been just plain pissed off in most of my recent posts. To balance things out, I promise my next two posts, starting with this one, will be less bitchy. I'll let my new fave blogista keep the crown on the bitch thang.

So, as I mentioned previously, a Catholic church in Minneapolis denies communion to worshippers wearing rainbow sashes or pins to show their support of the Rainbow Sash movement, an international org that protests the Catholic church's treatment (or lack therof) of LGBT folk. In contrast, another Catholic church, led by the same Archbishop, who sent the order down (after the big order from across the water) to do this heinous thing, disobeyed the order and served communion to sash wearers.

Thanks, God, for keepin' a girl from givin' up on Christians once again.

Anytime Now, Lord (Again)

I warned you that I would use this title again...

So, by now you should've heard about Plan B. To paraphrase badly, it's over-the-counter emergency contraception. And, of course, the mostly Christian Sex Police are doing their best to block its availability because they believe women will use it in a cavalier manner; i.e. "damn, why did I do the horizontal bone dance with that loser last night." Or, worse: "Screw my husband. He thinks I want to have his brat? This oughta take care of things."

Yes, I'm being a bit cavalier myself about it, but if you think about it, that's what THEY are thinking. And, to fight your enemy, kids, you have to know your enemy. But, you may not know them as well as you think.

It seems that the head boy on the blocking tip is one Dr. David Hager (unfortunate last name, for the Biblical story of Hagar is so cool -- too cool for this low life). Dr. Hager, like so many of Bush 2's decision-making buddies, is a CHRISTIAN. I've decided that rather than sully my brand of Christianity with that of the nutjob variety, I'll just use all caps because I want to shout them out. And not only is Dr. H. a CHRISTIAN, he's a hypocrite and a rotten guy, as told by his former wife. According to an article in The Nation, the good doc repeatedly raped his wife anally, occasionally paid her to blow him, and was emotionally abusive, as if forcing your wife to have anal sex wasn't bad enough. What a prince. But, he believes God has called him to "step into the gap." A little theology lesson here: to step into the gap is to act on behalf of God; to speak for or to carry out a task on God's behalf. And Dr. H. believes that God has called him to have men treat women the way Jesus did, father-like and as an advisor (of course, because inferior woman needs superior man to help her decide whether she wants to have anal sex or not).

This guy is advising the government on matters of sexuality, and people are listening. Wake up, did you hear me? He's talking, and people are listening. We are SO turning the clock back it isn't funny.

Anytime now, Lord, feel free to step in and fix this mess. Oh you want us to step in the gap? Okay. Well, folks, you've heard it. After you've finished gettin' busy (safely, of course), we need to get busy. Stop forwarding that "Send Microsoft your email address so you can get paid" email, and tell your friends to establish a relationship with their elected officials. Put down the romance novels, or the latest soft porn from Zane, or the most recent political drama novel; turn off "Desperate Housewives" (you know what's gonna happen anyway, somebody's sleeping with somebody, somebody's bitch-slappin' somebody) and watch the news. Talk about something besides fashion or Paris Hilton or Usher's abs. We have a problem, and something has to be done.

AAARRGGHH!!!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

It Ain't My Imagination

First, we learn that thousands of kids with HIV and AIDS were used as testers for HIV meds without the approval of their caretakers. Then, today I learned that 65,000 people were involuntarily sterilized in the United States. You can guess who the targets were.

Some like to dismiss conspiracy theories, and I have to admit that I'd never leave my house (or come above ground ever again for that matter) if I dwelled on every possible CT, but this ain't my imagination. 65,000 people. Let me say it so you really hear me. Sixty-five fucking thousand people. That's the population of Cannes, France; the combined populations of Corfu, Greece and Juneau, Alaska. Shit.

Excuse the foul language, but if you aren't as outraged as I am, you need to be. It's one thing to make babies you can't take care of, but you at least have a choice in the matter, even if it's a crappy one. But to have someone else decide for you that you don't deserve to reproduce is just Unbelievable.

Instead of creating a society that helps people make good choices, you just want to get rid of the undesirables and make choices for them. I'm just appalled.

Public Enemy

In case you've had your head in the sand for the last 5 years, the gay man and lesbian (no disrespect meant to bisexuals and transgendered people -- y'all have special mistreatment heaped on you that I can't speak to, and I think it would be inappropriate to try, although I fully anticipate being well-intentioned and putting my foot in my mouth at some point in the future.) has become duh-duh-duh (big orchestral sounds here)


PUBLIC ENEMY #1

Okay, that was a bit dramatic, but true nonetheless. Somehow, boys who like boys and girls who like girls have become responsible for everything from class warfare (queers make so much more money than straights) to last December's catastrophic tsunami, to the decay of the American marriage (you know, empowered women who leave their husbands are secretly lesbians, and if you allow the homosexuals to get married then people will want to marry their dogs--not that far a step if your dog spends more time in your bed than another human, but that's the subject of another post). Our fetish for the freakish (guys who like dresses, chicks who like ties, sex without commitment, too many cocktails, too many cigarettes, too many hours in the gym or too few) puts us squarely in alliance with the Fallen Angel, the Prince of Darkness, he who puts the "be" in Beelzebub, Satan. Yup, according to many, we're top at the list of committers of crimes against nature.

In contrast, so-called Christians, the ones who say grace over a piece of gum (don't laugh; I know a family that does it), the ones who would fix up a single woman with an older, married man just so she won't sleep with women any more (yep, I know her), are guilty of some of the nastiest, most odious, stupidest acts of low-lifery I can think of. Let's look at the newest litany of offenses:

  • The Vatican orders the refusal of communion to anyone supporting the decent treatment and inclusion of gays & lesbians
  • A pastor doesn't get why his pre-election tirade that suggests you're not a real Christian if you vote for John Kerry is a problem
  • A school district okays the move of anything mentioning homosexuality from the children's section of the library to the Adults Only section
  • The FDA will now recommend that self-disclosing men who have sex with men within a five-year period of the intended donation, whether or not it was in the context of a monogamous relationship where both parties were HIV-negative and practicing safe sex, be barred from donating sperm to a sperm bank. In contrast, a man who has sex with an HIV-positive woman will only be barred for one year
  • A state board of education forces a major book publisher to remove any positive references to homosexuality from all textbooks to be used in its health education curriculum
  • A virulently anti-gay governor gets busted for trolling for gay sex online, and he's a chicken hawk
  • A republican whipping boy mounts an anti-Hilary Clinton campaign. He's just returned from Massachussetts where he married his male partner
  • Pharmacists can legally refuse to fill a prescription if doing so goes contrary to their beliefs
  • The scientific world is turned on its ear following the discovery that a gay man's sense of smell is the same as a straight woman's

Oh, give me a break. I don't understand why I've become the enemy. My life is rather boring. I'm up and at the gym by 6am. Back home by 7:30. Breakfast, make lunch, shower, out the door. Work until 5, home by 6:30, unless it's a rehearsal night. Make dinner for the wife & me, or I eat alone by 7:30 if she's running late. Boob tube until 11:30, off to sleep to get up and do it again the next day. Boring, right?

Frankly, I don't care why some think I'm the enemy. But while you, Enemy Namer, are busy declaring me the enemy, think about these things:

If you're a health care professional, do your job. Fulfill the oath you took to take care of me. I don't like that you push pills to treat illness instead of encouraging good nutrition, but I'm not keeping you from your livelihood -- you're keeping me from living, hypocrite.

Denying communion to the body of Christ is criminal. Who are you that you get to decide who gets to eat at the table? Basing it on how well I adhere to some guy's rules? Hypocrite.

You don't get to force me out of the church because my electoral choices differ from yours. Who I vote for is between me, God & the voting booth. Low life.

And to you self-loathing homosexuals who take advantage of the benefits of the pleasure, while actively inflicting pain, you're the worst kind. Worse than the seasonally Sapphic who dump their girlfriends after Halloween to pick up a boyfriend to keep them warm until the following Memorial Day. Worse than the sissy swishing around the church, but shouting "Preach, preacher!" louder than anyone during the latest "repent homosexual, for the wages of sin are death" sermon. Worse than the over 30 woman who lives with her "friend" as far as her parents are concerned. Worse than the bitter old queen who refuses to believe that men can and do fall in love, and won't stop having sex in the park with guys who are young enough to be their sons. You are the lowest of the low. Like any junkie, you have to hit bottom before you can get clean. I hope your bottom comes swift and hard.

For the love of all things holy, if you're gay or lesbian, come out. Most of the people you know already know about you. We need all the help we can get ripping down those fucking Public Enemy posters.

Mexicans, Blacks, Crappy Work, Lousy Pay

So, Mexico's president Vicente Fox said, as reported in The Globe and Mail, and I'm quoting so I don't get it wrong:

“There's no doubt that Mexican men and women — full of dignity, willpower and a capacity for work — are doing the work that not even blacks want to do in the United States.”

So, in turn Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are pissed and want Fox to apologize, which Fox has said he won't do because it wasn't a slur. Let's look at this, because I have to admit mixed feelings.

“There's no doubt that Mexican men and women — full of dignity, willpower and a capacity for work ...” Okay, I can appreciate that. You gotta have some kind of stomach to hang out on the side of a road to wait for construction work, or take a job washing dishes in a restaurant or cleaning toilets, dirty stuff that not a lot of people want to do. Wasn't it crusty chef Anthony Bourdain who mentioned in his book Kitchen Confidential that most of the line cooks (the people who actually cook your food, not the overpaid egomaniacs who put a menu together -- that's the chef) in the top kitchens in New York City are Mexican, many from a little town called Puebla?

“... are doing the work that not even blacks want to do in the United States.” Now, let's look at this one. Let's look at the day laborer issue. A quick catch-up for context. Out on Long Island, and probably in small towns all over the U.S., Mexican immigrants hang out from very early in the day hoping to get work for the day on a construction or contracting job. The pay isn't even close to union wage, and union cats don't do that much work anyway (before you yell at me, blame television. Don't they always manage to show union guys on breaks more often than not? Show me some dudes who are working more than breaking and I won't have to comment.), but here you have day laborers hauling bricks and heavy equipment, going up on unstable rooftops, and many of them get injured. No health insurance, of course, so they either keep working with a jacked-up back, or a cut-up hand. Perhaps they go to the E.R. to get that hand stitched up, perhaps not. Whether they do or not, they're back at work as soon as possible. Not some potbellied, beer-guzzling whiny-ass white guy, sittin' in his SUV complaining about how the Mexicans take jobs away from Americans. Do some work, loser, and perhaps you won't have to complain. Oh, sorry, my bad. You don't want to go up on that unstable roof. Or haul rocks. Or pour asphalt on an August afternoon. And, you're not racist, but you really don't have a lot of Blacks on your site. And Black folk, you ain't off the hook either. Too many of you act as though somebody owes you a job. I don't really care that Day-Day didn't pick up your baby on time on Sunday, so stop yelling to your friend at the next register about it, and pack up my damn groceries. You don't have a snowballs chance in hell of being the next Alicia Keys, so you need to work. Act like you want the job. Stop mumbling and rolling your eyes when I tell you my order is wrong. If your stupid ass went to school sometime, you'd know the difference between NO MAYO and HONEY MUSTARD. Don't be mad because somebody actually wants to work. And Black people, don't be offended because somebody called you out about your lousy work ethic.

Now, on the flip side, they say you can't let someone come in your house and tell you how dirty it is. Unfortunately, that's what Presidente Fox did, and that's what set folks in a tizzy. It's not too different from Bill Cosby's comments about poor folks having lousy priorities. He said it, although we know it, but folks were mad because he said it to the wrong people (STAGE WHISPER HERE: White people). That, I have to agree with. Fox may be right, but he didn't have to say it.

Meanwhile, the Revs (Jackson and Sharpton) haven't done jack to get their constituents to clean up their act, Mexicans are probably feeling a little bit superior today, and White people who've always thought they were better than the swarthy are sitting back laughing at the whole thing.

That's the real tragedy in all this. Bottom line is, Fox's bon mot and Rev-squared's actions won't stop Blacks from working really hard at not working. Mexicans (and other Spanish-speaking immigrants) will still end up taking jobs no one else wants for abysmal pay (check out this gem in a recent issue of the New York Daily News). How about less criticism of who said what and more action to get people working and keep them working?

Political correctness, my fat ass.

Ah, Science

An article in today's New York Times talks about the female orgasm. I love this stuff, the analysis of orgasm, aside from loving orgasms, but that's another subject. Essentially, the study cited in the article looks at the function of the female orgasm, and boils it down to this: male orgasms release sperm-filled ejaculate solely for the purpose of reproduction. The female orgasm is just for fun. But, the flip side is that from a scientific standpoint, orgasm creates suction because of the spasming of the vaginal walls, and that suction brings sperm to the cervix, increasing the likelihood of pregnancy. Unfortunately, many women don't experience orgasms, and feel inadequate if they don't, just as many infertile women feel inadequate as women.

I, in no way, wish to minimize the pain of sexual dysfunction or infertility. I feel badly for any woman who wants to experience what she believes other (read: normal) women experience. However, I think we spend way too much time living through other people experiences. Yes, having examples of how others walk through the world gives a road map. But, if you really get used to how you walk through the world, you spend less time trying to follow someone else's path.

The best part of this study is the part about women's orgasms being just for fun. Three cheers for scientifically-affirmed fucking!

No wonder I like girls.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Anytime now, Lord...

A warning -- this title will be used a few times...

You've Got To Be Kidding
So, remember back in April, I mentioned that the Texas legislature was considering a bill to outlaw naughty cheerleading routines? Well, according to the bill's author, State Representative Al Edwards, "overly suggestive routines," which have yet to be defined, are a "distraction and result in pregnancies, dropouts, and the contraction of herpes and H.I.V." Texas, you have only yourself to blame. You elected this clown, so you deserve every tax dollar and taxpayer's time-waster this guy dishes out. Of course, he could step down in disgrace after it's revealed that the real reason he wants the girls to stop droppin' it like it's hot is because a boy or two has dropped it like it's hot instead. In fairness to the State of Texas, news reports are saying the bill probably won't pass because there are more important things for the Department of Education to focus on. I wouldn't hold my breath though. This is the state that had McGraw Hill remove any positive references to homosexuality in health ed textbooks used in its schools.

And in sick, twisted news...
Approximately 100 worshippers were denied communion on Pentecost Sunday (May 15) by a Catholic church in Minneapolis because they were part of a peaceful protest by the Rainbow Sash Alliance. The Rainbow Sash movement is an international group of LGBT Catholics. It seems they wear a rainbow sash (or pin) to service. This identified them as supporters of gay rights, which the Catholic church is against, and so anyone who supports gay rights, or at least in this church, the Cathedral of Saint Paul (go and visit kids!), was denied communion thanks to policy set by our friend Pope Benedict XVI, following the advice, I'm sure, or the late Pope John Paul II. Here's the sick and twisted part. Simply identifying yourself with this group by the wearing of some rainbow thing meant you were denied the holiest sacrament of the Christian church. This, from a body that bent over backwards to cover up the sexual abuse of thousands of children. You can get a kid to pull your pud, but the bread & wine is still accessible to you. Murderer? Serial killer? Come on in. Merely admitting your disagreement with the oppression of a group of people for who they love, whether you're actually a member of this group or not will keep you from the one act that every Christian partakes in to note their Christianity. No wonder young people are leaving the church. Excuse me while I retch.

Then, the Rev. Chan Chandler, the former pastor of a North Carolina church tells his parishioners in a pre-Election Day sermon that they need to "repent or resign" if they vote for John Kerry. Unbelievable. He knows he's skating on thin ice, but in the sermon tape, he goes on to say he doesn't care.

There's this strange infusion of Christianity into popular culture -- what is up with that NBC series "Revelations" and why didn't it get relegated to PAX where it belonged? I am so completely creeped out by this nasty, virulent form of religion. It's leaving a greasy film in my mouth like cold McDonald's. According to the Bible, 144,000 people will make it to Heaven after the Apocalypse. That's a pretty big number, and I'm not convinced that some who think they'll make it actually will.

Feel free to come in and clean house, Lord. Anytime. Really. Seriously. No, seriously...

Run Away, Bride

Okay, I'm late on the Jennifer Wilbanks thing. But, you know how you hear a joke and then laugh at it hours later because it's just that funny?

Once again I say: what is messin' people up with same-sex marriage? States are scrambling to legalize any stupid thing to help men & women get married, even if it sends us back to the pre-industrial era. I still think same-sex couples should have the same legal rights as opposite-sex couples, but to legalize something as ridiculous as covenant marriage is just overkill.

Here's what a bill in Ohio seeks to do with covenant marriage. Couples who want one of these things have to go through counseling and sign a contract saying they understand they would have to go through a yearlong "cooling off" period with counseling before getting a divorce in most cases. You can get a divorce without a waiting period if there is adultery or abuse, but the abused partner would have to prove the abuse in court, which you had to do before no-fault divorce. Smells to me like rape vs. murder. In a murder, you have a body, you have a case. In a rape, if the victim says no, it's only no if it can be proven that the victim meant it, as opposed to just getting cold feet. So much for a covenant, which according to ol Dan'l, Webster that is, is a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action. And, kids, I know what that action is: "Me Tarzan, in charge. You Jane, will be dragged by hair through dirt. Dinner not on table, Tarzan stomp Jane's ass. Jane no have evidence of abuse, Tarzan in charge."

Perhaps dear, sweet, misunderstod Jennifer Wilbanks (anyone notice that she looks like a total nutjob in that one photo they keep showing?) didn't want to play Jane to her namby-pamby"Of course I still want to marry her, even though she had po-po shakin' down every MexiCubaDominiRican they ran up on" punk-ass Tarzan. If I had to marry a G-string (not a lot of material, totally in your ass-crack, and eventually shit-stained) like him, I'd run off too.

I'm trying really hard to be compassionate, but God is still working on me, so I have to admit that bitch owes an apology not just to the well-meaning police who did their jobs and searched for her twisted ass, but also to every Latino/Hispanic man in America and to the gay & lesbian community, reminded yet again that marriage is a sacred cow. Some of us actually want to get married, while others are running like hell in the opposite direction.

The Pope & What He Means

The Catholic church has a new pope, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who has assumed the name Benedict XVI. Benedict XV tried to end World War I as it was a battle between Catholic factions. And in the not so distant future from there...

Ratzinger has stirred what I would call war, but I guess not really. Unless you're on the side of the attacked; oh, the female, the homosexual, the victim of child sexual abuse at the hands of a priest. I'm a little scared, but I have to ask what's different about this turn of events?

I did a smidge of research into the Benedicts of the past. Benedict V was pope for one month, having been placed in the papal seat by Emperor Otto, who didn't like the seated pope, John XII. Benedict XIV was a patron of science and art, with a stated acceptance of non-Catholic denominations. Benedict VIII wasn't even a priest when made pope. His cousin was Benedict VI, murdered by a group of Italian nobles. Benedict IX was named pope at the ripe old age of 20, did a bunch of nutty things, resigned the post, then spent the remainder of his life attempting to get the papacy back, unsuccessfully. Benedict XV didn't like Jews. Benedict VII did away with simony, the practice of purchasing offices in church hierarchy. And, my favorite tale is that of Benedict III, who reigned briefly, but long enough to have supposedly erased from the history books any mention of a rumored female pope, Pope Joan.

Anyone who knows anything about Catholic Church history knows its tale is rife with corruption, greed, dishonesty, more greed, oppression, and a second helping of greed. During this conclave, there was talk of electing a younger pope from Latin America, possibly to heal the wounds of the Vatican's handing over of priests in Latin America to crooked dictatorships because they dared to speak out agains poverty and inhumanity as part of liberation theology. And there was talk of electing an African, known for bridging the gap between Christians and Muslims. And, there was talk of electing an Italian, well, because there hadn't been an Italian for a while. But, instead, the fix was in. Conservatism ruled, and Ratzinger's nasty brand of religion is like Windows 2000. Like Windows 1.x, or whatever, it makes your computer run, but a kabillion times faster, reaching more people.

Back in November, the day after the presidential election, I said I wasn't going to panic. I'm still not panicking, mainly because I'm not Catholic. But, my real reason for not panicking is because I firmly believe that the conservative Protestant White male faction, eager to protect its interests at the cost of any contrarian, will lose. I believe that women, gays, Blacks, Hispanics, Catholics, and young people who aren't born of privilege, will wake up and get it. You're being lied to. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Flim flammed. It's bullshit, bogus, fugazi. It's perpetratin' a mad fraud. It's wack. The Angry White Male doesn't care about you. They really don't care that you don't have health insurance, or even a job. They don't care about your schools falling apart. They could give a rat's ass about the violence in your neighborhoods, or the violence you face in your school from bullying. They don't care that you're going to have to work until you drop dead because your retirement money will be tied up and made nearly inaccessible unless you're blowing the CEO of the mega-corp holding the purse-strings. I'm still not going to panic even though this man who is the ruler and policy maker for millions of believers around the world has called me violent against humanity because of who I love. I'm still not going to panic because no matter how much wind conservative Protestants are blowing up the skirt of the Catholics and the Blacks, harsh words and harsh actions can't continue.

God have mercy, I have to believe the madness has to stop or we'll all go mad. God help us all.

Just Pissed Off

I'm pissed off. Just pissed off. Some of you have asked why I haven't written since the beginning of April. I couldn't write. I was just too furious. Apologies in advance for the tirade I'm about to go off on.

You, Mr. Conservative, White Man, married to a gutless woman who joyfully sits under your thumb, have kidnapped my country. You've hijacked the American people and are holding them to some warped ideology birthed by television. Yes, television. Ozzie & Harriet were not a real freakin' American couple. They were made up!! Probably made up by your fathers in an attempt to make sure that any World War II gains made by people who weren't like you (women, gays, Blacks) wouldn't hold ground. You created an ideal that made you fat & comfortable, and you made America, fresh from its victory against Germany & Japan, feel really good about itself. You convinced White men that their rightful place was not alongside brown-skinned peoples, or people who didn't speak English, but on top of the moral dung heap that would morph sickeningly into corporate greed and bloody suppression of any ideal; moral, political, or economic, that wasn't pointedly American. You convinced White women that they needed men to survive, but that to be a complete woman, they had to give up ideas of making money of their own, become your shot rag, and force out babies they might have thought twice about having had they known their kids would spawn not one, but two generations of thieves and liars. You stole riches and resources from countries that were not so much stupid, as naive; naive enough to believe that in exchange for the gold, diamonds, manufacturing facilities, and fossil fuels they gave you, you would provide economic opportunity for their people, protection from nearby bullies, and help with building their own government that would "teach a man how to fish" instead of throwing fish at them. You stole from your own people by forcing local farmers to stop growing crops in natural ways, but by buying up their lands to create mega-farms that produce engineered freaks of nature that would eventually lead to disease among the poorest of America. You convinced the masses that men who love men and women who love women were sick freaks worthy of death. You convinced the masses that sex and desire was bad if it veered from YOUR narrow view; that of the man-on-top, submissive woman married variety. You lied to Black and brown people; Blacks thought they really would get 40 acres & a mule once emancipated. You thought it was okay to steal land out from under Native Americans because your guns were bigger than their bows & arrows.

And Black folks, if you think you're gonna get off scot-free, think again. Some of you call yourselves saved, sanctified, filled with the Holy Ghost, and fire-baptized because you can speak ta-ha-ta-ha-ta-ha, dance to the right drumbeat and walking bass line, wear a doily on your head and a long skirt, and go to church 3 times on Sunday (Sunday school at 9, service at 11, break for a high-fat, high-calorie lunch, and back to church for evening service). Some of you swishy, loud suit-wearin, perfect hair havin' men scream I TAKE IT UP THE ASS, BUT WON'T ADMIT TO BEING GAY BECAUSE I'M THE PASTOR OF THE CHURCH. Some of you women need a good lay so you'll stop eating everything in sight because you're too afraid of what somebody will say if you actually act on the sexual impulses you have. Some of you believe hook, line, and sinker that not only does the White evangelical Republican care about you because you're all one in the Spirit, but that he'll do for you what he promised to do for Africa, Latin America, and the Middle East: throw some dollars at your community and treat you like an equal. Wake up and smell the rope burning -- these are the same folks waiting to lynch you once you call in your chip. And the rest of you know-little, care-little Black folks, busy making babies you can't and won't take care of, won't go to school to learn something that will really make you money, practicing your jump shot or your rap lyrics thinking you'll be the next 50 Cent or Lebron James, daily weed-smokin', loud-talkin', bling-bling live for the moment, prison-worshipping, thug life celebratin', living in the projects but driving a luxury car, no priorities-having, party-all-the-time buffoons -- thanks for nothing. You make it really easy to work harder than necessary to have a decent life, and be treated decently by those in power.

I'll stop here because I'm out of breath and just pissed off. And, quite frankly, I don't give a rat's ass if you're reading this and thinking "Well, what are you planning to do about it?" That's my point. I'm pissed off because I keep doing. I keep yelling at my neighbor when he feels the need to practice his lyrics on the stoop at 11pm -- go in the house, work on your resume, and get a real job so my tax dollars won't end up supporting your new baby because your erection kept you from thinking clearly enough to put a condom on. I keep coming out whenever I can so no one can say they don't know a lesbian. I continue to be a church musician so some young woman who plays the piano won't be relegated to singing in the choir or taking a non-leadership role because she only sees boys playing in the band at church.

I'm just pissed off. That's it and that's all.